To ask for your “That’s it, I’m done” moment?

[AutumnAesthetic]

Name changed.

I think we can all agree 2020-2022 has been, for most, an absolute gut punch.

I have noticed on here lately (and in the real world actually) that so many people are feeling a real apathy and a sense of “I’m done” BUT not many people can place exactly why, generally feeling it’a just the past few years of stress that has finally taken its toll and now they feel like everything’s a bit hopeless and won’t get better any time soon.

Can you pin point your own personal moment? The straw that broke the camels back I suppose.

my own example is below, feel free to skip it’s just an example:

For myself, it was one day last week. I had some washing and drying to catch up on, bathed both kids and cleaned the house. At the end of the night I looked at the meter and we had used £16 of electric, in a day! Usually use about £5-6. A few moments later received a phone call from the husband of a friend who recently passed away with cervical cancer, we were talking and he said she had been trying to get her smear booked in during 2020 and it was delayed and delayed and he believes if she had gotten the appointment when she initially tried, she might still be with us.

And that was it, after I hung up I sat down and had a little cry. It was my “that’s it, I’m done” moment.

I haven’t been able to shake the feeling since, it’s opened the door up to looking at all the things that have happened the past two years and accepting that yes, it’s all been pretty horrible and I’ve been doing the very British thing of stiff upper lip, crack on and don’t complain.

Thanks in advance for sharing, if you choose to ♥️

I think we need to hear about good things happening because they never get talked about.

My DH called 111 a few weeks ago for abdominal pain. They called paramedics who arrived 30 minutes later. They recommended A&E so I took him in. He was admitted that night and had an operation 5 days later. Fantastic care from start to finish but no one posts about things like this, it's all doom and gloom.

I think if we hear more from each other about wonderful things going on, and they are going on every day, then people wouldn't feel so hopeless.

My dh had a serious condition and was under the care of specialist Consultants. He had an appointment in the March, before lockdown, where his Consultant changed his medication (which my dh needed, to survive) and booked him it to review his condition in 4 weeks (early April).

Lockdown happened and his appointment was cancelled, as was his one in May, June and August. We contacted his Consultant and also his specialist nurse in May, June and early July, as we were worried about the lack of follow up care to the changes in his medication. Both responded saying he would be seen as soon as possible. We did the same in early August, when that appointment was cancelled, with same response.

In September, I’d had enough and was really worried about him and actually had a row on the phone to his Consultant, but he did agree to see him the following week.

At this appointment (which I wasn’t allowed to attend, due to Covid restrictions), the Consultant found “things weren’t okay”, and admitted him to hospital straight away. I never saw him alive again. He died the following day. 😓

That was my “That’s it, Im done” moment.

@Whoopy so, so sorry to hear that.

I’d really like the ‘get a grip’ and don’t be all ‘doom and gloom’ people to fuck right off from this thread.

@Whoopy I’m so sorry, that sounds totally negligent. Sadly I’m not surprised.

Thank you OP, your post reminded me I needed to book my smear test and I rang the doctor.

January this year - dog broke her leg. Just under (and by that I mean pennies) £5,000 - not insured, but we had been putting money by in an account, so effectively about £1,500 to pay.

Then my car died on us - cost of repair more than value of car. Scrapped.

Caravan developed damp - £600+.

Broke hoover - just out of guarantee. Again, repair more than cost of new one. £199.

Freezer is broken - haven't replaced it yet, but will have to, totally buggered.

Have a double oven - the large oven (the one I need) has stopped heating up. God knows what that will be.

Washing machine door seal started to leak - DH repaired it himself but it was £50-odd for a replacement seal.

Exhaust blew on DH's car - £80+ (had only recently paid £180 odd for MOT etc)

That's the money ones.

Health (me)

All sorts of pains etc - am very fortunate to have a decent NHS service here even now.

Diagnosed with gallstones (effing AGONY)

Then continence problems - colonoscopy - severe diverticulosis.

Reflux problems - endoscopy revealed Barrat's oesophagus - will need further endoscopy because they couldn't get a biopsy.

Dizziness and cranial pressure - MRI - awaiting results.

I've gone from being someone who took the occasional paracetamol if I got a bad headache, to someone who rattles when she walks I am so full of pills.

Health (others)

DIL - 1st pregnancy (she's 39) - placenta previa - began bleeding (24wks) - rushed into hospital. Sent home

Same happened at 27 wks and then at 32 wks - kept her in this time. Will have a section at 37 weeks (another 3wks)

Visited her and was walking though town - police tent set up next to multi storey car park. Some poor soul had literally jumped to his death less than half an hour before I walked past - I can't believe how shocked and upset I was and still am. I mean, it is shocking and terrible, but I didn't know this poor man, and (thank God) wasn't there when it actually happened, but it shook me up enormously and I can't stop thinking about how very desperate he must have been to do such a dreadful thing to himself. And worse - some tw*t was arguing with the police on duty because they wouldn't let him see inside the tent. What is it with some people?

But I know what you mean OP - you keep on holding it together and think - JUST ONE MORE THING. That's all it would take.

Oh Whoopy - I'm so sorry. That's dreadful.

so much hate and nastiness in this thread.

No wonder the countrys in such a mess. Peoples behaviour and attitudes are awful.

@AutumnAesthetic
delurking to say I'm another woman who has been putting off her smear and booked it specifically because of your post.

I've decided to leave my care job this week and it's really hurt me.
This week my manager funked up her dates so in half term I ended up with extra calls to my normal hours, instead of next week.
I had to change my booked childcare around at the last minute and miraculously got spaces and my husband took a day off. BUT
She didnt apologise she basically told me to suck it up. I told her it is VERY hard to find any childcare, even in the holidays at the moment (I'm already relying on driving to the next town everyday as there's nothing in my area and no childminders have ever returned a call). She freaked out that I have no "back up" (literally no local family or friends not that I'd be so risky as to use anything but pro childcare). So I'm out. She made me feel 1 inch tall for having a job that I work my childcare around ...bear in mind I didn't drop a single call, I just reminded her I can't be expected to rearrange my week at the twelth hour each week.

So, I'm out. I will cry over my clients, but I'm not being given an earful over essentially having a family again. Fuck her. Unlike her though I'm giving her a month to get my calls covered.

So Thankyou. ♥️

Sadly, I think he is one of the many thousands of people, who obviously aren’t counted in the statistics, of those dying of Covid, because he didn’t die of Covid, but he definitely died because of Covid!

Obviously there's a saga as to getting to this point. But I cannot do my job as though I don't have a life, certainly not a 15 hours a week at pretty much minimum wage role.

I haven't read all of these- forgive me, so many of them are heartbreaking. But you have all shown so much courage in the face of overwhelming odds - no the wonder you are weary beyond belief.

I think it's when one thing after another hits you, and particularly with, as others have said, the mental and emotional stresses placed on us all by covid, climate change, a government of corrupt, self-serving b*stards and an apparently hopeless future, But please - don't give up.

To these of you who are saying "Pull yourself together" etc. Just shut up. I rarely swear but if you can't be kind, or encouraging, empathetic or compassionate - just FUCK OFF! No-one needs your nastiness.

Maybe like when we did the clapping we all need a collective weeping. 7pm on Thursdays, everyone come onto your doorstep and bawl your fucking eyes out.

It would probably do us the world of good, @ArabellaScott - and I'd bet we'd see we aren't alone.

Heartbreaking that so many people are suffering so deeply, though..

Have you lived through through the last 2 years?!

Lost your job? Lost a loved one? Lost your health? Can you pay your bills? Have you ever had a heart attack and waited 4 hours for an ambulance? Has your mortgage gone up? Are you worried about your children’s mental health? Have you waited 18 months for a much needed hospital appointment? I could go on….

Yep. It’s definitely all our fault 🤦‍♀️

I think this thread is serving as like that a bit. We’re not alone people xxx

I think for me losing my mum, going through the grief of that only to go into covid and then breakdown of my marriage. I havent given up in that I still do my best and put a lot of effort into my mental and emotional health BUT I have depression and anxiety the majority of the time. I feel unsafe in the world.

Is @girlfriend44 not referring to the 'pull your socks up, I survived, suck it up' types?

I didn’t read it like that but apologies @girlfriend44 if I’m wrong x

I totally get this perspective.

I suppose you're referring to my deleted message?

No, I'm talking post-ww2. I was born in winter of 1946/7; my nurse mother was terrified I'd die of hypothermia because it was below zero indoors and there was no coal to be had.

The post-war period was very bleak and very tough for everyone in UK. My uncles like many of their peers returned from war service from experiences that marked them for life . Today, it would be recognised as PTSD. Not just them; their parents, wives, children, siblings endured their mens' damage for decades. There was no recognition of the MH consequences, no treatment, no back-up support services. Those "heroes" , in peacetime UK, suffered a level of homelessness, poverty, deprivation and mental damage beyond the imagination of people today. They felt better off than the widows and children whose fathers never came back.

You think the housing shortage today is bad? Members of my family were living in abandoned vehicles (bus; train carriage, wrecked nissan hut ) with no heat, power, water. Cooking in the open air on a fire of sticks. Everybody had been bereaved of loved ones who died unfairly young. There were no govt support systems to turn to. The country grit its teeth and got on with remaking their lives.

@SuspiciousHedgehog I'm trying hard to be the second kind of person. Autistic people like me have been living in an upside-down, alien, nonsensical, often-hostile environment since we were born. Now neurotypicals have for the past three years as well.

Me too.

Truth is we are human and sometimes we are more compassionate and sometimes we are dicks.

For most of us, painful experiences lead to a greater compassion for others who are dealing with similar.

I can look back and realise when I have lacked compassion, usually through ignorance. I think that's true for the majority.