Page 5 | Night out with friend "just come casual " then she comes dressed up...aibu to be annoyed?

bradleyboo · 2022-10-26T17:57:19+00:00

Last Saturday I had a night out with my friend. The plan was to go into town for a few drinks. She rang me and said "it's just casual,I'm gonna wear my big coat and boots" So I dress down Arrive and there she is dressed up Skirt and bodysuit,heeled boots and no coat. So I look like a scruff I said "I thought it was casual" She said "I changed my mind,dont be silly tho you look fine" I'm still annoyed now I felt horrible all night We went in nice pubs (was meant to be just a spoons type pub) I felt horrible

lborgia · 27/10/2022 01:10

Batiqueattic · 27/10/2022 00:37

Yeah I'm just wearing jeans she said. So I turn up in jeans & a t-shirt. She turns up in jeans & a corset. She was extraordinarily beautiful anyway but she had to be an even bigger star of the kebab place on Green Lanes. Weird woman. We were friends for about 5 minutes.

I love this description, sounds like lyrics to a Pulp song

I think those who say they could easily change what they’re wearing and wouldn’t occur to them to warn their friend are perhaps the unaware that they are the “friend”.

Who is so self absorbed that, following a specific chat about what is being worn, changes their mind so dramatically?

EconomyClassRockstar · 27/10/2022 01:19

Fuck off with she's not your friend. She clearly had a what to wear crisis and that is what she came up with and felt good in it. Have none of you ever experienced that?!!!

Shauna27 · 27/10/2022 01:28

@bradleyboo she obviously feels inferior to you 'appearance wise' and probably felt like she was on equal footing with you by her dressing up and you dressing casual. I'd just view the whole thing as an insight into her insecurities and nothing to do with you personally. You should take it as a compliment that she feels the need to dress up to match your level of attraction. It's not nice that your evening was spoiled by feeling uncomfortable though.. in future when you go out with her, I'd stick with the "nice top, jeans and some healed Chelsea boots" rule, you can basically fit in anywhere wearing that sort of outfit.

mathanxiety · 27/10/2022 02:00

I have a tastefully sparkly top plus jeans combo outfit that goes anywhere just for this sort of situation.

I think she set you up. She could have given you a heads up that the clothes she had intended to wear were still stuck in the wash, or she had gained a few lbs and had to wear something else that was so different from 'casual'. I'd be hurt if someone did this to me.

user1477391263 · 27/10/2022 03:47

Does she have form for weird/competitive behavior? If yes, well, I'd feel annoyed at someone who seemed to be using me as a foil.
If not, she probably just decided at the last minute to dress up a bit.

Are you both quite young? I do think it's a bit weird to coordinate your dress styles in this way, and to base your own feelings about the night out on a comparison of yourself and the other person. Like, you say you felt scruffy, but it sounds like you would have felt just fine about your clothes if she had been equally scruffy?

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 03:54

Where do people live that a skirt, top and boots for city centre drinks is SO dressed up as to warrant armchair psycho-analysis of deep insecurity, and malicious intent?

She was hardly in black tie 😆
I’d wear a similar outfit to my local/work/a Saturday shopping in town and if I was meeting friends it would not occur to me that I’d need to alert them as to my clothing choices in advance. Do folk really do that?

Not all of us live in loungewear, and dressing vaguely nicely is neither overdressing nor a sign of deep insecurity, nor a malicious attempt to put another person down.

Some of us just assume that grown adults can make their own clothing choices 🤷‍♀️

TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet · 27/10/2022 03:58

EconomyClassRockstar · 27/10/2022 01:19

Fuck off with she's not your friend. She clearly had a what to wear crisis and that is what she came up with and felt good in it. Have none of you ever experienced that?!!!

That's what I was thinking too!

And presumably she didn't kidnap the OP, who could have just insisted on sticking with places she felt comfortable going to.

Feelinglow27 · 27/10/2022 04:38

@lborgia why would I need to "warn" my friend i has changed what i was wearing? Maybe if I was a teenager. But it wouldn't occur to me that I would need to "warn" my grown up friend that I'd changed my jeans for a skirt.... bizarre.

MsDastardley · 27/10/2022 05:24

if you get chance have a look at Katie Rol on instagram. She does sketches mainly about her and her mate, and their ‘friend’ Tina, who pulls this stunt a lot. The hallowe’en one made me laugh, the theme was pumpkins and friend came as sexy nurse

StridTheKiller · 27/10/2022 05:28

You had the last laugh all warm and comfy in your coat though.

Aprilx · 27/10/2022 05:40

After the age of 12, I stopped asking what my friends would be wearing. It was a night out, it was for you to decide what to wear.

Tigertigertigertiger · 27/10/2022 06:09

I don’t think this is really an issue.
always wear whatever you like and don’t compare yourself to other people

Fajeeta · 27/10/2022 06:12

DucklingDaisy · 26/10/2022 19:42

She did it on purpose, probably because you’re naturally more attractive and she didn’t want you to get more male attention.

Yeah this

Pipsquiggle · 27/10/2022 06:47

FurAndFeathers · 26/10/2022 22:51

OP could only be the ‘frumpy sidekick’ as you so charmingly put it if she chose a frumpy outfit. That’s on her, not the friend.
If OP chose an outfit that she felt horrible in then she needs to take some responsibility for that, not encourage unpleasant and spiteful posts like this from strangers on the internet who make her friend entirely responsible for the Op’s outfit choices, behaviour and emotions.

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@FurAndFeathers

I feel you and I will have to agree to disagree on this.

I don't know about you but I have different clothes for different occasions. I always try to be comfortable and confident in whatever I am wearing but part of that process is knowing where you are going, what you're doing so then you have the opportunity to gauge if you're going to pull on some old jeans and a top or dress up.

Yesterday I had a lot of client meetings also lots of walking around London so needed to look and feel good so I wore a smart, comfortable work dress with smart trainers, full make up. Today I am working from home with a few video meetings with colleagues I already know so will probably wear leggings and T shirt. Tomorrow night I am going out out with friends to a very smart restaurant so will make more of an effort.

OP took responsibility and checked with her friend where they were going and that it was going to be a very casual pub. Her friend even said she was just wearing an old coat. She then got really dressed up and made her friend feel uncomfortable. She could have sent a text saying - changed my mind, let's get all glammed up

@FurAndFeathers sounds like this has never happened to you before - a 'friend' setting you up to make themselves look better at your expense. This is an anonymous board, OP is not outing her, she's asking for opinions not advice.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/10/2022 07:08

I always check outfits before a day or night out with friends so we coordinate effort levels

OMG laughing my arse off that people actually do this.

Aprilx · 27/10/2022 07:23

Pipsquiggle · 27/10/2022 06:47

@FurAndFeathers

I feel you and I will have to agree to disagree on this.

I don't know about you but I have different clothes for different occasions. I always try to be comfortable and confident in whatever I am wearing but part of that process is knowing where you are going, what you're doing so then you have the opportunity to gauge if you're going to pull on some old jeans and a top or dress up.

Yesterday I had a lot of client meetings also lots of walking around London so needed to look and feel good so I wore a smart, comfortable work dress with smart trainers, full make up. Today I am working from home with a few video meetings with colleagues I already know so will probably wear leggings and T shirt. Tomorrow night I am going out out with friends to a very smart restaurant so will make more of an effort.

OP took responsibility and checked with her friend where they were going and that it was going to be a very casual pub. Her friend even said she was just wearing an old coat. She then got really dressed up and made her friend feel uncomfortable. She could have sent a text saying - changed my mind, let's get all glammed up

@FurAndFeathers sounds like this has never happened to you before - a 'friend' setting you up to make themselves look better at your expense. This is an anonymous board, OP is not outing her, she's asking for opinions not advice.

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OP knew where they were going. On a night out, to pubs. Her friend didn’t say we are going for a nighttime tramp through the forest, if she had and OP had dressed for that but then found they were going to a nightclub or a wedding, I could understand.

But they were going for a night out, which OP knew. I have never found pubs to be so different that an outfit would perfectly suit one but would make me feel inadequate or uncomfortable in another. It is absurd that this grown up is blaming another person for her outfit choice.

RedDwarfGarbagePod · 27/10/2022 07:32

I had a friend like this. We'd arrange to go to the cinema and Nando's in the uni holidays and I'd show up in jeans and Converse and she'd be in a catsuit (not joking) and heels. To be honest, I wasn't the one who stuck out, and not in a good way.

I recently decided to drop her because I realised that our whole friendship of 15+ years has involved her backhandedly complimenting me to the point of it being like negging ('It's good that your hair looks good messy' - when looking at my wedding photos ). Everything in my life is something to take a pot shot at. Either she doesn't like me as much as she wants me to think she does, or she's very insecure and thinks I've got it made (I wish!). Whatever it is, life's too short for this bollocks.

Pipsquiggle · 27/10/2022 07:33

She said she was going to a wetherspoons type pub - renowned for being cheap, cheerful shit holes.
I would dress differently here to a smart pub or wine bar

ChillysWaterBottle · 27/10/2022 07:40

Mirabai · 26/10/2022 20:39

Or… she changed her mind.

Only the terminally insecure would infer that an outfit upgrade = competitive jealousy.

This. Who thinks about their friends that way?

Binkybix · 27/10/2022 07:44

If she'd changed her mind she could have texted

I could not cope with someone who required this of me. Would not even cross my mind!

serenghetti2011 · 27/10/2022 07:49

In future op just wear what you want to wear, something you feel happy in. Your friend clearly changed her mind. I’m not sure if she should’ve let you know she was dressing up now or not but you can only do you so wear what you want and feel good.
my friend I go out in has some unusual dress sense so we always look different it’s not a big deal

Abraxan · 27/10/2022 08:00

Tandora · 26/10/2022 22:18

What a bizarre thread! Surely you wear what you want / what makes yoh feel good on a night out. Who cares what your friend is wearing?!

I wear different clothes depending on the plans for the evening out though, and that changed too.

So a night in a pub with a mate for a catch up would mean very different clothes to a night out in tow to wine bars etc with a glammed up mate.

I don't think it's that unusual to know whether the rest of the party are going out smart, casual, smart casual, formal, party style, etc. and to dress accordingly.

I'd have been annoyed for the change of plans without being told - I'm assuming the friend made the original plans hence why she also got to change then. Though I'd have also tried to insist on the original plan for the venues if I want dressed for the smarter places.

PotentiallyPolly · 27/10/2022 08:04

Oh I had this, was invited to a bbq with a group of people I worked with. Woman throwing the bbq said to dress casual so I did… while the rest of them were dolled up to the 9s. Utter bitch, I moved on pretty quickly after that, I can’t stand the mentality of some people.

ReneBumsWombats · 27/10/2022 08:09

PotentiallyPolly · 27/10/2022 08:04

Oh I had this, was invited to a bbq with a group of people I worked with. Woman throwing the bbq said to dress casual so I did… while the rest of them were dolled up to the 9s. Utter bitch, I moved on pretty quickly after that, I can’t stand the mentality of some people.

Who gets dolled up for a barbecue?

IamnotSethRogan · 27/10/2022 08:22

Omg this thread is so dramatic. What did you wear that you felt so horrible in all night, a potato sack?

Wear whatever you want on a night out going forward.