Night out with friend "just come casual " then she comes dressed up...aibu to be annoyed?

[bradleyboo]

Last Saturday I had a night out with my friend.
The plan was to go into town for a few drinks.
She rang me and said "it's just casual,I'm gonna wear my big coat and boots"
So I dress down

Arrive and there she is dressed up
Skirt and bodysuit,heeled boots and no coat.
So I look like a scruff
I said "I thought it was casual"
She said "I changed my mind,dont be silly tho you look fine"

I'm still annoyed now
I felt horrible all night
We went in nice pubs (was meant to be just a spoons type pub)
I felt horrible

My sister checks if I'm wearing my contact lenses or glasses before we meet, as if one is more dressy than the other ffs 😂

My sister has been known to do this. ' oh just come as you are' and she'll have full make up on and had her hair done. Now I just smile, say she looks wonderful, and get on with my evening. Some people enjoy playing weird mind games.

Maybe she felt self conscious and getting more dressed up made her feel better, it might not be about you op

I'm still annoyed now
Next time you go out, assess where you are going, & dress yourself in the clothes YOU want to wear.
You are not 3 years old. You do not need anyone else to tell you how to dress.

I felt horrible all night
Why?
Presumably you didn't wear sackcloth & ashes.
Presumably you felt good enough to leave the house & socialise in public?

We went in nice pubs (was meant to be just a spoons type pub)
Did she frogmarch you into "nice pubs"?
Were you unable to decide to go into the pubs you had imagined frequenting that night?

I felt horrible
Your friend was wearing different clothes than she previously told you she was going to.
What has that got to do with you?
Why on earth would being out with somebody in a - whatever TF it was - make you feel bad?

If she'd turned up dressed as a binman, would you have felt good?
What has her style of dress got to do with what you think of yourself & what kind of night you have?

Just stop basing your perception of a good night out on what other people are wearing.
If you find yourself underdressed for a pub a friend is proposing (whatever that means - really, nobody cares) - don't go in it.
It means nothing to anyone else that your friend was dressed differently from you.

You know, I have a book of Liane de Pougy's journals, & a woman did the same thing to her, back in the 19th century!

Wear what you feel comfortable in and if you didn't want to go into some of the pubs based on your casual dress, then you had a good excuse. I don't know what her intentions were, I might find this mildly irritating for about 2 seconds when I first saw her, but wouldn't give it any more thought after that.

My friend used to do this years back. (Teenagers) She had wayyyy more money than me courtesy of her rich dad,so would turn up dolled up to the nines. But my god it made me feel like shit!

OP could only be the ‘frumpy sidekick’ as you so charmingly put it if she chose a frumpy outfit. That’s on her, not the friend.
If OP chose an outfit that she felt horrible in then she needs to take some responsibility for that, not encourage unpleasant and spiteful posts like this from strangers on the internet who make her friend entirely responsible for the Op’s outfit choices, behaviour and emotions.

Is it just possible she changed her mind and didn’t think to ring and say she wanted to wear something a bit dresser? Would she be expected to do that?

I normally just wear what I want it doesn’t bother me if someone has dressed up or down on the same night out as me?

It's happened to me before, but never overly bothered me.

She was a prosititute…

Ex ‘friend’ used to do this on a regular basis to me. She was no friend and neither is yours OP

I had this done to me by my now SIL at DB’s stag weekend (don’t ask…🙄) Packed an outfit too warm for the weather, was reassured it was a seaside pub and shorts and T-shirts were fine, then turned up at hotel room to find SIL and her cronies dressed to the nines, huddling round the mirror like the three witches round the cauldron. I raised my eyebrows, said ‘You’ve changed your clothes - how d’you expect me to go out in this?’ (thus calling them out on it) and ended up borrowing a black miniskirt.

The people on this thread who say ‘But it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing’ are missing the point spectacularly. This is standard issue Mean Girls one-upmanship, pitched carefully under the radar of all outsiders and most males, to enable the victim to look foolish if she complains about something so ‘trivial’. Whether it’s deliberate or not doesn’t matter - some women operate like this unconsciously.

It won’t surprise anyone to know that SIL and I have never socialised together since.

@MingoDringo, the bloody things are back. I won’t be engaging in the madness again. I had enough wedgies in the mid to late 90s to last me a lifetime.

Agree with others OP, she was mean.

Your dislike of your SIL comes across loud and clear.

I find adults who cannot chose their own outfits rather strange.
I’d never dream of asking a family member/friend what I should wear on a weekend away unless I was doing something that required specialist/technical clothing.

to me it seems fairly obvious that a stag weekend away by the sea might require more than one kind of outfit.

Well, in my defence I was a lot younger then, still a (nerdy) student and without a wide choice of outfits to pick from, plus, who hasn’t been caught out by the weather at least once? And back then, some pubs did have dress codes believe it or not - hands up who remembers ‘No jeans/denim’ and bouncers at the door?

(There’s a long backstory with my SIL which is (a) too boring and (b) too identifying to go into here).

Yep this.

Always better to know where you are going so you can dress for the occasion, whether casual or fancier. Make sure you have a clear plan next time. And no need to check on what your friend will be wearing. Be confident to own your style.

Yeah, but you weren't the one freezing your arse off all night, so...

Deliberate.

She wouldn't have got away with her unilateral change of dress code and unilateral change of venue with me, though. 🙂

I’ll chime in here to add my agreement with @CharlotteByrde and @ThereIbledit. Isn’t it wonderful to be older and beyond the age of dressing to impress?!

I combat this issue by always either over-dressing, wearing something that makes me feel good, or both.

I agree it is a dick move though.
If she genuinely wanted to dress casual then changed her mind, and was a good friend, (assuming no MH/SEN) then she should have rang you and said 'Hey I've decided to dress up a bit after all!'

She sounds insecure and immature.

People saying 'I'd never ask anyone what to wear!' I think are missing the point.Friend made a point of telling the OP she wasn't dressing up, so OP wouldn't. That's not a nice thing to do. If I am going away for a weekend/out for the evening I do want to know what others are wearing because (weather restrictions aside) I'd feel a bit silly in a fancy maxi dress if everyone else is in jeans, and I'd wish I had taken an opportunity to dress up if it was the other way around. If you're not like that, fine but this is a real issue with some people who just like to stand on others to make themselves feel taller.

Yeah I'm just wearing jeans she said. So I turn up in jeans & a t-shirt. She turns up in jeans & a corset. She was extraordinarily beautiful anyway but she had to be an even bigger star of the kebab place on Green Lanes. Weird woman. We were friends for about 5 minutes.

She definitely sounds like she was being a dick but I find it strange to discuss outfits in advance so the actual outcome wouldn’t bother me.

I don’t really care what anyone else is wearing (unless there’s a strict dress code for black or white tie, etc). I just pick my outfit when I’m getting ready and don’t care whether I’m less or more dressed up than anyone else.

Nonetheless, your friend was up to something weird. Since I never know in advance, I’d always say I didn’t know what I going to wear.

Who cares what your friend wears? This is not a contest of “who looks more attractive” or “who gets more attention”. You’re there together to have a good time and banter. Personally I could care less if my gf showed up dressed in a scuba diving outfit as long as we had a great time. If getting all dressed up makes her happy good for her. Maybe it’s I just feel equally attractive with jeans and a t shirt .