Could you raise each child on £80 per week, to include all bills,food etc?

[lasagnesogood]

My exh gives me £40 per week per child to cover all bills except the mortgage for which I pay my own half.House joint owned. He originally agreed to share the expense of big outgoings but never did in the end.I have three kids.Only one of them sees him for one night overnight per fortnight. We will divorce soon.He is recently self employed so I expect he will hide a lot of money etc.He will say that he cannot afford to give me more money to rear the children in court despite enjoying plenty of holidays in the last year and wearing the best of clothes. In your experience, what will the Judge do? I can't afford to rear my children with this amount of money.My weekly outgoings including car loan and sustantial bills is £1200. I have had to use a lot of savings and take out a loan to get by despite working in a high paying job. If he doesnt have the money(or hides it etc) will the Judge increase my equity on our home when it comes to be sold. It is so grossly unafair that he has nothing to do with the kids and pays £120 per week for me to rear them.How the hell is this even legal???????

£500 child maintenance is substantial, he's paying half the mortgage as well, the problem is you have a house and car that you cannot afford.

The answer is a cheaper car, and you will need to either buy him out or sell the house anyway.

I get £820 maintenance which is very high and it's plenty despite me earning a low income.

Normal wages in the U.K. after tax are under £2k don't forget

Your outgoings are the real problem here. You need help to budget. Sky, hobbies and pocket money are not essential. Perhaps also look at getting a cheaper used car to avoid car repayments on a newer car. There are usually ways to save money but it might hurt a bit if you are used to a certain lifestyle. Ours has taken a huge hit but sadly it is what is is.

Can you cut down on sky, phone and internet?

I'm in Ireland

I would propose that the the house equity is split 3 ways:

• your share
• his share
• separate fund to cover all SEN medical / therapeutic cost for next x years, exactly what can be funded detailed now

Everything else is lifestyle.

My ex pays half of all bills related specifically to ds. We both work full time, have mortgages, pensions etc.

So he pays half of his clothes, shoes, tech, books, big purchases like bikes, a quarter of my electricity bill & my water bill. He also pays half of school related stuff like GCSE study trips, equipment, sports lessons etc. My ds is 14.

At the moment it is averaging £190 a month, so roughly £45 a week. I also have £84 a month child benefit which covers ds' food. Giving me £275 a month for one child. For that, ds has a nice life, all the clothes and activities he needs. Two sports lessons at the weekends.

£175 per child per month is tight, especially as you will only get £57 CB for the second and third children. So that gives you £724 per month. But you can do hand-me-downs between children which cut some costs. You should be able to cope fine.

I cannot understand how you spend £1200 a week. That's a crazy amount of money. Do you drive a Bentley?

The speak to a solicitor in Ireland about what a judge might decide. You know we’ve had a different legal system for a century, right?

My ex pays less than this and I think it’s unfair. I’ve just had to leave my job because he won’t look after the kids when I work nights or have them any extra time in the school holidays. CM isn’t calculated to include things like childcare costs or hobbies so it will never be fair to the resident parent.

It’s bonkers that you would expect him to contribute to your loan unless you got it when you were together?

Have you ever sat down and properly looked at your finances? Something is going very wrong somewhere and it’s not your exh fault.

Internet is a disaster where I live so my bill is approx E71pcm for anything decent that three kids could all use at the same time and I.I can get rid of sky realistically as we watch a lot on netflix and sky not so much anymore.Phones on bills are £110 permonth.Ive changed electric provider and filled the tank with oil for the winter recently £1200.I also got logs for the fire and some coal.I shop in Lidl/Aldi,and do shop around.My house is cold so we need a lot of heating

What's your annual salary (in £ seeing as everything else is)

I know this is easy for me to ask as someone who lives in the UK so had access to the NHS, but £200/w on pharmacy/ medical/ therapies is crazy. How come that is so expensive?

4K a month is an awful lot and I think you will need to adjust your finances to suit your lower income I’m afraid. We pay just over £3.5k a month for three of us (plus dog) but that’s for two properties with two mortgages and two sets of bills. I’m sorry that your ex is dodging paying a fair amount of CM though. It shouldn’t be that way.

You clearly just cannot afford to maintain your same standard of living.
There are many areas you can make cuts in.
Food,lunch money,phonebills,sky,internet etc £250 per week
Almost 1100 for food internet and phones is insanity. There is no reason it needs to cost much. You can cut this down by 100s per month easily.
You clearly need to sell your car if you cannot afford to pay a 500 per month loan on top of running the car.
What are you going to do when you have to move or buy out your partner? He won’t be paying half the mortgage forever.
800 per month on medical is also a huge cost. Why aren’t you on an insurance plan?

There is then a black hole of over 350 a week. Again pocket money, clothes and trainers don’t need to come anywhere near 1500 a month.

What are you hoping to get out of this post?
Why are you posting in £?
Why does your title say £80 per week when it’s actually 120 plus half the mortgage?

To give you an idea of costs in Ireland. My GP costs £60 per visit.Regular cost of antibiotics cost £15.HRT costs £60 for my prescritpion per month.My daughter recently got contraception in the form of the bar.The bar itself was £200 and the Dr pencilled her in for a referral..£60 and double appt to insert £120.If you are sick out of hours, the cost is £70. Therapy costs £60,Physio costs £55 as does OT and SLT. Grinds cost 35/per hour per subject. A trip to the orthodontist to get braces over 2 years cost me £4500 per child, add denist's costs onto that at £60 a check up, not to mind some extractions pre insertion and youve another few hundred pounds straight away.WE have no public dental or orthodontic care at present in my area or in Ireland tbh that does not warrant a waiting period of 5 years +.If you have SN, you're person non grata here. Ed Psychologists cost 1k-1.5k for private assessment..again waiting list is years long and then the therapies as a rule are not available for ASD or indeed many kids with SN.If you have a child who needs mental health services, you are completely finished as there are not even private paying ones available to assess and treat at the moment due to the lack of services in the public sector.I do spend a lot of money on therapies per week now that I am typing and it's nuts.

Do you not get disability benefits for your children?

Anything to do with the children - food, clothes, school trips etc - he should go halves on.

Anything that is not child related (even if they still use it) - eg your car - he should not pay towards.

I don’t live in Ireland but in England you can go into the child maintenance calculator and see how much roughly he should be paying you.
This might be a good idea so you know if he should be paying you more or not.

£40 per week per child should be plenty to cover their direct costs, especially assuming that you have to pay half towards them too so the real figure is double that.

You are just as responsible for providing for your children financially as he is, especially as they are all secondary school age.

It does sound like he should be paying half of their direct medical costs on top of what he already pays, but your loan and fuel etc are not his responsibility.

Also in England I believe he would not need to pay for the 18 year old and you should be able to receive help from the government if your child is disabled.

I have no idea what it’s like in Ireland though.

Almost no-one on this thread will know what grinds are, @lasagnesogood

To enlighten them - it’s tutoring.

No, a court in the UK wouldn’t expect him to cover the cost of tutoring. How many hours a week do your children need? They’re almost adults.

Is your 18-year-old still in school? That makes a difference.

Sorry, should say one’s almost an adult.
Can the older 2 help the younger with schoolwork? You may need to switch to free resources online.

Phones on bills are £110 permonth.

My phone is £10 per month, your kids are paying £40 per month!

How were you managing before the split? I would hope that your ex would continue to pay/ contribute towards things like therapies for your children.

So sorry.My phone smashed yesterday evening so I've had no access to th e site. What is upsetting me is that he pays a sum total of the equivalent of £5414 pa for his contribution towards his children who live with me full time and who spend all school holidays with me also.He does not contribute to the extra therapies ,no. Thanks for all the replies.