Parenting with an obese partner - exhausted

[user1471462428]

I know I’m going to get flamed but AIBU for finding it hard to co parent with a obese person. He can’t go on rides or inflatables as he is over the weight limit. He can’t play football/netball with our kids as he is breathless and has no energy. His days are oriented round food and when he can next sleep (he struggles exhaustion I guess due to moving around with his weight). I’m so tired of being the active parent and feeling like I’m dragging him about. I’ve talked to him about diet/bariatric surgery but he is not ready for this. Im sometimes scared he’ll die in sleep and the kids will find him.
I do recognise he is now at the stage where he is essentially disabled but I’m just so fucking tired of him. I do recognise he is ill and the obsessive eating is a compulsion but I’m running out of sympathy with it. Is awful to leave him?

Bless all the replies. The husband doesn't exist.

Not saying it doesn't but it works both ways. You KNOW that if a man had written this the pitchforks would be out.

Funnily enough i have been in coversations elsewhere on teh interwebz about what happens when people are diagnosed with a terminal or life changing illness. If they are married/LTR part of the councelling/advice for women is that there is a higher risk (than if it were the other way round) that their partner will leave and not step up to caring for them. And that if they do, the care won't be as good as when it is the other way round.

So, if this isn't a complete wind up (as i suspect it may be) the fact that men often leave morbidly obese women (considering that to be a potentially terminal/life changing illness/disability) but when the boot is on the other foot we must complain that she's awful? It's an interesting conversation but not here.

Looks like she left him in 2020 anyway.

Im the same height and weight as your husband. I am breathless and feel awful too. It doesn't stop me doing things though, i just do them slower.

I also think bariatric surgery is ridiculous for that sizee. Im a size 16 not a monster, its only a few st loss. He just needs to deal with the psychological reasons. Therapy would be a better way to spend money.

😂

The amount of posters saying that being 110kg and obese causes no health problems is alarming. 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP it sounds like there is an underlying issue here that is massively affecting him- whether it's depression, sleep apnoea, diabetes or some sort of heart condition. He needs a health MOT and to start taking responsibility for himself and his children. I don't think you're being unreasonable by expecting your partner to be a proactive parent or to make efforts to keep himself alive for the sake of you and his children.

I say this as someone who has bounced in and out of obesity for years and acknowledges the impact it has on my family when I get heavier. It isn't healthy and it certainly isn't fatphobic to tell the sodding truth!

Great - another time waster?

I am morbidly obese, have been morbidly obese my entire adult life and due to (pre existing and not caused by my weight) health conditions shall probably always be morbidly obese. My husband hasn't left me. He knew I was fat when we met, and when I married him. It's not always the way.

My partner is considerably heavier and runs around playing football, plays golf, has a full-time physical job, which he has to get up early for, and parents his child very effectively. 16 stone is not disabled!! Something else is going on here.

Do people honestly not understand that their posting history is easy to find?

He is at risk of diabetes if he carries it all around his middle.

I had a BMI of 34 and have got it down to 27 following a diagnosis, it was a wake up call for me, I wonder if he is depressed, not excusing him but binge eating is more than just greed. I totally understand how you feel though, you have all the work fall on your shoulders and the additional worry he may die early.

Your not making it about his health bit his weight.and as a society we ha e got to get away from this.
There is correlation not causation happening so often between the two.
But weight does NOT equal health!
Thinness and f disordered eati g is acceptable as long as we get smaller,especially woman.bit no no it's about health.bullshit.if it's about health its not weight.its about what you add IN to your life if it's health.stress,job,sleep,nutritious meals,all foods,mental health,economic health.
About food being food not something to moralise on.same with weight or size.

What am I reading, what an odd thread, he’s a little overweight yes but I was thinking you were talking about someone at 30 stone.

are you ok, do you habe food issues as this is weird as fuck/

Oh. Sigh.

It's sounding like he may have developed diabetes, the sleeping is very telling.

Immediate plan would be blood tests to rule this out. If he's at the stage where he needs medication then being on this will have a positive impact. It also may shock him into treating his body with more kindness.

You are not being unreasonable.

I think everyone voted before the OP updated with his actual weight. There's no way he is disabled from being 16 stone. I'm reporting this because it's blatantly untrue. That's not slim but by God there's no way in the world he has these issues. Goady.

Do you think they actually always do exactly what they post,too?

He’s just weighed himself (he has gained since last month) so his weight is now 110kg, he is 5”7 and his BMI is 38.

Anyone clock that HE weighed himself.

did you see the scales op or did he tell you the figures?

might explain why what you are seeing is very different to the figures he quoted

Agree, so go and report it. I have done but I find volume gets MN attention best

My husband hasn't left me. He knew I was fat when we met, and when I married him. It's not always the way.

I didn't say that, did I? I did say that studies show that the chances of a husband leaving a wife under those circs (if you count it as a life-changing disability or terminal illness, which it can be under certain circs) are higher than those of a wife leaving a husband.
Which was in response to those shouting about double standards and not a comment on anyone apart from those. The chances increase when those circumstances come on during the relationship, not those that are there from the outset.

He doesn't have to have surgery @user1471462428 He can have a gastric balloon.
Is he depressed? Why has he become so dependant on food?
Could you work on it together? You could help make him smoothies and meals. He doesn't have to starve either - There are many ways out there to lose weight. Maybe exercise as a couple / family as well.

No, I assume most people on here are idiotic fantasists. Good entertainment value only.

Aww OP, I totally understand you must be knackered! I could have wrote this post word for word!

it’s so hard as I know weight is a sensitive subject. Does he want to help himself?
how does he feel in himself?

I have twin toddlers and my partner is 20 stone plus.
I’m a size 12 and I do all the running around too.
the weight has definitely snuck up on him!
it’s so hard as he’s the same and just wants to sleep.
you can only help someone if they want it...
sending you hugs op
xxx

Like someone else said, I think he's having you on.
I'm 176cm and 16 stone after DD (5months.)
You can see my hip bones and my waist is 30 inches. I walk, run, garden, box, look after a baby...
Your man is either lazy and putting it on or very unwell with something.

Fair enough, I misunderstood, sorry.