Parenting with an obese partner - exhausted

[user1471462428]

I know I’m going to get flamed but AIBU for finding it hard to co parent with a obese person. He can’t go on rides or inflatables as he is over the weight limit. He can’t play football/netball with our kids as he is breathless and has no energy. His days are oriented round food and when he can next sleep (he struggles exhaustion I guess due to moving around with his weight). I’m so tired of being the active parent and feeling like I’m dragging him about. I’ve talked to him about diet/bariatric surgery but he is not ready for this. Im sometimes scared he’ll die in sleep and the kids will find him.
I do recognise he is now at the stage where he is essentially disabled but I’m just so fucking tired of him. I do recognise he is ill and the obsessive eating is a compulsion but I’m running out of sympathy with it. Is awful to leave him?

Well, that's not surprising on a site full of primarily women. I'm sure they posted with the expectation that would happen.

If he's that overweight it can cause sleep apnoea the lack of oxygen ehr laying down causes excessive tiredness and can develop to the point of falling asleep driving etc. Maybe encourage a gp appointment especially if snoring is very bad with intermittent stopping....where failure to breath waked you up.

Saying this as a 90kg woman, there's more going on there.

He should be able to be pretty fit at 105kg. He certainly should be capable of work & looking after the kids.

So I would be pushing the health side.

That said when DH avoids sorting out health issues, I mutter about wanting to live with an adult. His decision tho.

I'm towards the controlling side but I don't care, I worry about his health.

My husband too - 105 kgs - cycles, plays rugby, and is pretty fit.

Im sympathetic if he really can’t/won’t help with the kids, but it sounds like there are deeper problems in your relationship.

How tall is he? I'm currently heavier than that and don't struggle with anything and exercise 5 days a week doing spin class!!
I mean I get breathless but only doing intervals like anyone else would

Double standards, exact same scenarios. Leave the man who is fat but stay with the woman who is fat because ...well just because.

I will see if I can find the post. nearly word for word the same.

He’s not that fat at 16 stone

At 105kg he shouldn’t be struggling with those things unless he’s about 4 ft tall. I weigh around that and I fit on rides, am under the weight limit for zip lines, trampoline parks, etc. I also exercise 3/4 times per week (horse riding, Zumba type classes). I’d be concerned if he’s really struggling to move at that weight, not considering leaving him.

This

My husband is 110kg and doesn't sound as incapacitated as yours, is he very short? If so there must be more going on

I think he is kidding you.

he can do all sorts at that weight!!

We need to know his height OP. 16.5 stone isn't massive for a tallish man. Overweight but by no means debilitating to the levels you describe. Is there something else going on that's causing his lack of energy?

Are you sure he's that weight? Unless he is very short that's not very obese

Unless he's an oompa loompa 16.5 stone is not ao morbidly obese he can no longer and if he only weights that and has all the issues you've mentioned there is more going on than his weight.

My husband is tall, yes - but is also 16 stone and really isn’t fat at all, is extremely able to parent our toddlers. Did you get that figure wrong? Is he extremely small? If not, there’s potentially a health issue which you really need to dig into.

I'm not far off the same weight (yes I'm obese too) and it doesn't stop me doing anything as a parent or anything else for that matter, I work full time, do yoga every other day, went on all the rides at the fair a few weeks ago etc. There has to be more to it than just a weight problem.

He’s just weighed himself (he has gained since last month) so his weight is now 110kg, he is 5”7 and his BMI is 38. His fat is all on his stomach. I know he has sleep apnea but won’t go to the doctors. He had pre diabetes a few years ago and managed to reverse it but won’t go back to see whether it has returned. He wasn’t allowed on a kids assault course to supervise our children this morning as he weighed too much, he went for a sleep surprise, surprise! And he got refused on rides a local fairground for weighing too much.

Some people don't like going on rides and inflatables ( do you mean in a pool?) and plenty of people manage to parent without dashing around a football field, myfriends

Has he told you he weighs 105kg, OP?

Could he be underestimating?

16 stone? I’m that weight and it doesn’t interfere with me raising my kid. Are you sure there’s not something else going on? I don’t even sleep that much, generally not over tired or anything, and do lots of normal activities with my kid. That sounds more like a health issue than just weight causing it, I thought you were going to say like 30 stone or something.

** dh is in a wheelchair and is a fantastic Dad. Do you mean he's opted out of parenting and supporting you?

I do agree. I usually get called all sorts on those threads. And there’s an assumption I must be a man. Because I think it’s fine to leave if you don’t fancy someone anymore and their have put themselves in a position where they can no longer participate in family life

I suspect, this is actually op’s point. Lots of replies until someone pointed out it’s not that heavy.

I vary between 85-90kg and walk everywhere, do spin classes and strength training 3 times a week.

I find it hard to imagine a 105kg man struggling this much, or even being unable to live with.

Absolute bollocks someone can't go on rides at about 17 stone.

Bang on!