Parenting with an obese partner - exhausted

[user1471462428]

I know I’m going to get flamed but AIBU for finding it hard to co parent with a obese person. He can’t go on rides or inflatables as he is over the weight limit. He can’t play football/netball with our kids as he is breathless and has no energy. His days are oriented round food and when he can next sleep (he struggles exhaustion I guess due to moving around with his weight). I’m so tired of being the active parent and feeling like I’m dragging him about. I’ve talked to him about diet/bariatric surgery but he is not ready for this. Im sometimes scared he’ll die in sleep and the kids will find him.
I do recognise he is now at the stage where he is essentially disabled but I’m just so fucking tired of him. I do recognise he is ill and the obsessive eating is a compulsion but I’m running out of sympathy with it. Is awful to leave him?

Sixteen stone. Hardly close to death.

@Razu45 I walked 100KM continuous at about 14 1/2 stone and a BMI of high 30s. With a morbidly obese BMI I was doing 50KM events very regularly.

@Funinthesun75

us fatties obviously aren’t capable of anything other than draining society of resources.

@Razu45 I mean that I can do all the things that she says her husband can't do such as play with my kids, go on rides etc and I don't need to keep stopping for a nap.
After investing me you would also have read that I care for my father and I am only off my feet now and again when I have a flare up and do not claim any benefits due to that. Most days I live and function normally and my health condition has nothing to do with my weight

I bet being 19 stone doesn't help the health conditions though surely?

@Merryoldgoat exactly and it pisses me right off.
Medics immediately treat you like you lazy and thick. No I know exactly how to lose weight thank you. The things that have caused be to gain weight are definitely not laziness and stupidity. More about stress whilst care for everyone else in the family.
DH has high cholesterol, high blood pressure and eats rubbish ad is now diabetesc but is not overweight so he is ok apparently.
All my stats bar my weight are normal and I do an average of 20K steps per day but I am naturally the drain in resources.
Weight coming down nicely now due to other improvements in family life.

@Longingformore50 it is known that carers often have poorer health outcomes because of them putting others first and not making time for themselves.
You should be applauded for supporting others whilst having health problems yourself too.
Being a carer is hard.

Every day in full time very busy job, “flying around”, dog walking every day, swimming 2x a week.

Not the above, that’s for sure.

severe chronic back condition and nerve damage in my legs.

are these conditions not at least exacerbated by being >19 stone?

@Razu45 I'm currently 17 stone and yes, active
By active I mean spin classes, weights, yoga etc. I can do aerial arts, be upside down on a pole, do 50 miles on a spin bike etc
I usually do 4 spin classes a week between 30-60 mins
I'm a size 16 so I'm not massively out the range of normal size (disclaimer I am currently losing weight for vanity reasons)

@Razu45 your prejudice drips from your mouth in one word. eating

Razu was displaying similar levels of open-mindedness and empathy on a disability thread yesterday, so I wouldn't be drawn in to deeply if I were you

@MightyOaks sorry but we have become a nation of whiners, don’t say anything in case you ‘fat shame’ someone. Let’s pretend being severely overweight is absolutely fine, when it’s not. It’s hard, it can make people sad, some people will be ok with it. But when they become unwell I see people shocked and want a quick and easy fix. We forget that generally it takes year if not looking after yourself to get to this stage ( I know medical conditions exist that contribute) and it takes time to lose the weight. But for OP (if this post is real!) this guy has checked out. There’s no support for her and she’s doing it all alone and I’m sorry that’s not ok, he’s promised for 5 years to do something and still has not. We need to stop excusing choices people make and stop expecting people to live in situations that are damaging them, her life should not revolve around enabling him. He needs to take a bit of responsibility.

Ok - post what I said. There was absolutely nothing like that on that thread from me at all

@Razu45

You are an absolute twit.

I’m 21 ish stone atm.

I work full time, I have two small children who I look after and take swimming, soft play, trampolining etc. I am entirely unremarkable.

You just sound like you’re medically thick.

And yes, of course being overweight is unhealthy - no one is denying that. But the automatic dismissal I’ve obesity = lazy or incapable is absolutely offensive to fat people like me who are living a full family life.

Well, your post was deleted so 🤷‍♀️

Twice, in fact

On this thread

Suggesting that obesity was somehow linked to diet and overeating was always going to go down like a sack of spuds

Science has proven that obesity is down to much more than simply overeating and the fundamental flaw with your comments is that they come from a place of ignorance.

If you want to judge people who are suffering from obesity, fine, go ahead. But educate yourself first, otherwise its yourself you show up.

@LeMoo

people aren’t ready to hear it, are they? Much easier to blame us for all of it.

You can be obese and be incredibly active. You can be 21 stone and walk 30 miles a day. You can be a size 20 and fit in a fairground ride. You can have a really high BMI and go trampolining. You can be morbidly obese and run after a toddler. You can be the most active, hardworking, up and at em' person in the world....but you will NOT be healthy.
Obesity is not ok not matter what way you dress it up. Whatever reason you give for getting to that size, blaming hormones, medication, big bones, overeating, being stocky, hereditary, menopause, emotional issues, thyroid etc. Trying to normalise it just doesn't help. It doesn't help you if you are grossly overweight and it doesn't help someone you love if they are grossly overweight.

The OP's husband sounds like he has checked out, given up, doesn't care and has let himself go. There is a HUGE difference in being fat and being lazy. The preconception that all fat people are lazy is completely and utterly wrong.

If the OP’s husband has untreated sleep apnoea that will be causing him major issues.

It affects everything.

What a nasty comment.