Halloween Judgement- keep your views to yourself

[HappyHalloweenWeenies]

I'm not religious and love Halloween. I have always celebrated it and my dp celebrates with me. Nothing too scary or out there because our kids are young. No chainsaw Massacre figures in garden or dripping blood, just the usual pumpkins, ghosts and witches, food and pre agreed trick or treating with neighbours. Our kids love it too for dressing up and have been taught in a fun way and not a 'celebrating evil' way.

Anyway, sil and mil invited themselves down this week. I didn't invite them and made it very clear to dp that as it was half term I would be doing the usual Halloween stuff so kids don't miss out. Dp fine with this and we arranged a few activities like pumpkin picking, carving etc. Sil and mil here the whole week. Both kids going to the village party but no expectation for either mil or sil and kids to attend, just one evening.

Anyway, sil been fine. A few questions about it, nothing phased rudely. Politely declined Halloween party, which we offered with the caveat if it's not her thing that is fine no judgement. Sil is a fairweather Christian, eg church for marriage and getting into schools so we weren't sure if we should ask or not but thought it would be rude not to.

Mil has been making a few snide comments. Kids watching ridiculously sanitised Halloween songs on TV (think cocomelon) and scoffs things like 'how can they have a 'happy halloween' with all those ghoulish characters? Trying to dissuade kids from their own pumpkin designs and do ones she approves of etc. It's all been very low key so I haven't mentioned it to dp but aibu to think that as she knows we have conflicting views and she invited herself down knowing full well we celebrate it she needs to keep her views to herself? It's starting to grate on me as I don't want my kids to start seeing evil in perfectly innocent dressing up etc.

I feel it's a bit like if we invited ourselves down at Christmas and then made snide comments about going to church.

Aibu or is sil approach better and mil is engaging in weird power games?

I always make soup from the pumpkin too.

Honestly, it wasn’t a thing here either, growing up. Our primary school headmaster would mention it in assembly every year, because it was his birthday, but other than that, nada. Bonfire Night was what we all looked forward to, as there would be fireworks, a massive bonfire on the common, and a funfair.

Ah, got you. Your naice local Samhain celebrations are fine, but the OP’s obviously tacky Halloween ones are nasty. 😂

@misskatamari - are you me?! 🎃

Our neighbours are Baptists and every Halloween put up a (polite) notice on their front door saying please do not knock as we do not celebrate Halloween

This is red rag to the bull.....

What is American is the fancy dress that has nothing to do with spookiness on Halloween. It’s just regular fancy dress. My young adult DC do this for parties at university etc

I'm not a christian, and halloween plastic tat is much less so than christmas. It's a lovely time for the kids to dress up for a gloomy time of the year. I love it. It fills the holiday season between summer and christmas. I have a box of halloween decorations just like my christmas ones.

A lot of people are a bit snobby and disapproving of Halloween in the UK, including my parents and their friends. I really love it though!

She thinks halloween is a load of rubbish
If you do not want other people's opinions do not invite them into your home
Personally I agree with her
Commercialised junk

Sounds like you're silently seething when the solution is confront it directly and phrase it exactly how you wrote it here.

MIL I appreciate you don't enjoy Halloween but you invited yourself the week of Halloween when I made it quite clear we would be participating in Halloween activities. If you don't like it, suggest you return home and come back another time because you are ruining it right now for all of us with your negativity and no one is forcing you to be here.

Round here a lot of children go guising (trick or treating) but there is an unwritten rule that you only visit houses that have a pumpkin outside. It is over commercialised but if others enjoy it then why stop them having fun.

We used to carve sugar beet in my youth - and now we get 1 pumpkin to carve (and use the carvings as veg), and if there are any going cheap on/after 31st, I pick those up to use as veg later on (like butternut squash, they tend to last fairly well if the skin is undamaged). Our sugar beet carving was more trying to make a ventilation hole and a flat surface to hold the candle in it, and to get a wire through the top to carry it around - yes, small DCs (from about age 8ish) without parental supervision carried around lit candles...

The priest in our church used to wish the kids a Happy Halloween. And we went door to door asking for a "penny for the pouca", or "trick or treat". We used to get lots of monkey nuts and apples, a few sweets and a very occasional few pence. And costumes involved lots of black bags or old sheets kept for the purpose over our warm regular clothes, making witches hats or masks from cardboard cereal boxes and paint or sometimes raiding the makeup drawers of DMs.

And then we were all expected at mass the following day for All Saints Day, and to attend the graveyard the following day again for prayers on All Souls Day. They were all part of normal life in our rural community.

The ‘too much tat’ argument is a valid one but I think Christmas is the same, so it’s a moot point here. I agree your MIL should keep her trap shut - she knows you like Halloween and shouldn’t come visit at this time of year if she doesn’t like it! And I would be saying that to her.

Yep - it’s all lovely for the naice middle classes….. not so lovely for those whose windows are being egged etc…

Completely on your side, op. It's harmless fun with YOUR children. Mil can do one and go home if she doesn't like it. What a drag to have her there making snide comments and putting a damper on everything.

I cannot STAND the 'Oh its so wasteful' sanctimonious snobbery every year about Halloween.

I don't mind halloween but you sound overly sensitive, op.

it wasn’t a thing here either, growing up

your personal experience doesn’t alter the fact that there are documented references to Scots celebrating Halloween for over 400 years.

WeepingSomnambulist · Today 08:42
@CulturePigeon
Truck or treating is not an American import. They took it from us. Guising has been a custom in Scotland for hundreds of years. Kids in scotland have been doing it for hundreds of years.

Aha - thanks - that's interesting. As another pp said, perhaps Scots and Irish immigrants took it to America in the 19th century. But on the other hand, it's very much associated with New England where early immigrants were mainly English (17th century witch-hunts etc).

I think the Halloween tradition is really interesting, and nothing for people to take too seriously!

But the current month long tat guests bear no relation to traditional "guising" and the way it used to be celebrated.

month long tat fests..

Or - maybe don't be rude enough to pass judgment on someone's home if they've been kind enough to invite you. If MIL can't stop herself being snide and judgy out loud, she should be declining the invitation.

You could say the same for Christmas- or Easter, or any celebration.
If there is an opportunity for retailers to make money, Baby showers, hen nights,- then they will.
It is up to us as consumers to choose if or how we celebrate.

I love Halloween, no tat involved. I have the same box of decorations taken down from the attic every year- same with christmas.

Add some pumpkins which get eaten and the skins taken to the forest to feed the deer, some apple pies, sweets for children, spiced latte and cinnamon rum, Tarot readings and candles.

Perfectly possible to have a tat free festival.

You could suggest to her that she leave and come back after Halloween if it's bothering her.

fiendvicarinatutu. Oh how I loathe these worthy judgemental posts - but what about all the plastic blah blah.

I have had plastic Halloween decoration for 14 years. My children are 15 and not that interested in friendly plastic spiders, and smiling skeletons so I donated three quarters of it to the local youth group. People hang to the decorations for ages. After Halloween, my carved pumpkins are put outside for wildlife to eat, any left overs go in the compost pile.

Halloween is optional, don't do it, no one will judge you for it, don't answer the door. But at a time when people are being squeezed financially, it's a fun event that is affordable for all. Costumes can be made or bought second hand. Sweets for trick or treat are inexpensive. Decorations can be picked up in supermarkets and poundshops - it is accessible, optional fun.

Stop your virtue signalling, and your snobbery. Potatoes are the most wasted food item, not pumpkins for one week a year by tiny fraction of the population. 35 million plastic bottles are used every day but only 19.5 are recycled. Maybe that would be an outlet for your disapproval - not some once a year masks and pumpkins.