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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still be angry over how my husband buttoned his shirt at our wedding?

167 replies

Purplehair22 · 24/10/2022 20:51

I never addressed it with him. Well maybe only in a jokey way.
Long story short - at our wedding my husband got ready with the help of his parents.
for some reason his mum has an issue with doing up the top button (she says it makes men look like snobs) and as a result thought it would be acceptable to let him walk out looking like he’s just travelled here from the 70s. His collar was sticking out his blazer and wide open. Top 2 buttons were undone! I was so stressed I didn’t even realise until I saw the pictures!
I asked him about it the following morning in a jokey way and he said “well mum thought since I don’t have a tie it’ll look better that way”. I mean what???? I haven’t addressed it since coz I don’t want him to feel bad and I know I sound like an absolute f*cking psychoooo but every time I look at our wedding photos all I can see is that ABBA inspired collar!!!! Someone come whack me with a frying pan!

OP posts:
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8
BadLad · 25/10/2022 07:54

Purplehair22 · 24/10/2022 22:36

Catching the vibes? I just had a look and his dads top button was undone too but the collar was laid down flat like that 🤦🏼‍♀️
to answer some questions. We’ve been together for almost 10yrs. Married almost a year ago. Relationship is great. His mum isn’t usually a big issue. I actually tend to be the middle person coz they don’t have the most amazing relationship so I kind of “bring them together” for family time etc. He’s not very confident in the wardrobe department and I trusted his mum would do her best. He refused a tie so yes there was no tie. I probably wouldn’t be so bothered about the top button being undone but why does it look ironed down like this??? 😭 (the second button was undone at some point too but I think someone pointed it out to him). I feel like he looked like a secondary school boy on his way home.

At least he hasn't got (much) chest hair. When I have an open collar, which is pretty much all the time, it looks like a load of tarantula legs are sticking out.

cravattwat · 25/10/2022 08:04

Did you choose his outfit together or have any discussion?
I can't think of any grooms who just went off and bought a suit without input from bride, other friends or whatever and knowing colour scheme.

I ask because yes, he does look scruffy but maybe part of that was the choice of clothes too. Black suit and cheap white shirt is never going to look 'put together' and far more like school uniform.

LookItsMeAgain · 25/10/2022 08:26

I'm going to put a suggestion to you.

If your husband loves you more than the world, wouldn't he do anything for you? If he does and he would, why don't you go and get all dressed up again, he wears a shirt that has been ironed, a tie and a jacket that fits and he has a shave, and you wear a dress and get your hair done and your makeup done and you go get some new photographs taken by a good photographer who will spot these types of errors and you get 'new' wedding photos, ones that you will put in frames around your house and enjoy?

You could make a day of it and maybe even make it happen around the time of your anniversary???

LisaD1 · 25/10/2022 08:28

I assume your husband is not a child and is capable of deciding for himself what he wears and how he wears it. You don’t own or control him, even in your wedding day!!

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 25/10/2022 08:32

Vegay · 25/10/2022 02:57

@TheLassWiADelicateAir sorry you didn't get my point. My point was that I'd happily have Jake Gyllenhaal present himself with his shirt buttoned up without a tie, or with one, or without anything on but a tie on. I wasn't having a dig.

Thanks, appreciated.

Original poster
Purplehair22 · 25/10/2022 08:51

Cordeliathecat · 25/10/2022 00:37

Is he a bit clueless when it comes to how to dress generally? Is it unusual for him to dress formally? It must be if he’s wearing a black suit, white shirt and no tie. If so, then your wedding picture perfectly encapsulates the man you married. Not someone pretending to be someone he’s not. Be grateful for that. Look at those photos and think yep, that’s my man and be proud. Because he is who you chose.

I like how you’ve put that tbh. I think that’s very much thats very true. He’s usually pretty clueless on fashion. He usually goes for a casual and relaxed look. He needs my help and advice on outfits very often. Yeah I think looking at the picture as this is us as people coming together as a couple will be the best way forward.

OP posts:
Minimalme · 25/10/2022 08:59

I'm with you op. He has made the shirt look like one of those lightweight school ones worn by a five year old back in the 1970s.

I don't want to make it worse for you, but has it given you the ick?

Also, his parents dressed him? That is beyond odd.

xogossipgirlxo · 25/10/2022 09:34

Wedding day and this shirt is nothing really, comparing to lifetime that you agreed to spend together and any problems that might come. I wasn't happy with my hairdo, but it's visible only on 4 pictures, I had veil the whole wedding covering it (not on purpose, I realised my hairdo looked weird after I got the pictures)😂 What is annoying though is grown up man listening to his mother. Why would he do it? Why did she have a say? 🙄

xogossipgirlxo · 25/10/2022 09:36

Also, after my husband lost a tie, he didn't unbutton his shirt (just the collar button) and looks like a priest on few pictures 😂

TheRAW · 28/10/2022 11:21

Being buttoned up is not snobby. Regardless, hubby had the power to fulfill your wishes but he abdicated to mom.

This is small potatoes though. There will be a LOT of WAY more serious issues to confront in your marriage. Best to let this go...

SapphyreDiva · 30/10/2022 04:10

THIS! 👆🏾 Are you sure you married an adult? Because Mommy shouldn't be dressing him and he for sure shouldn't be co-signing her nonsense. I'd be concerned because she sounds controlling and he is most definitely a mama's boy!

TeenDivided · 30/10/2022 05:14

Purplehair22 · 25/10/2022 08:51

I like how you’ve put that tbh. I think that’s very much thats very true. He’s usually pretty clueless on fashion. He usually goes for a casual and relaxed look. He needs my help and advice on outfits very often. Yeah I think looking at the picture as this is us as people coming together as a couple will be the best way forward.

Show quote history

I think that's a fab way to reframe it in your mind.

Ritascornershop · 30/10/2022 05:22

I think you’re very fortunate not have real issues in the relationship to worry about.

auntiemabelisveryable · 30/10/2022 05:36

Minimalme · 25/10/2022 08:59

I'm with you op. He has made the shirt look like one of those lightweight school ones worn by a five year old back in the 1970s.

I don't want to make it worse for you, but has it given you the ick?

Also, his parents dressed him? That is beyond odd.

This.

He should have worn it like this, not like a schoolboy!

AIBU to still be angry over how my husband buttoned his shirt at our wedding?
Bramblejoos · 30/10/2022 05:54

Surely someone can tweak the digital photo so it looks right.

Sunshineguy · 30/10/2022 06:55

Only nerds do up their top button if not wearing a tie.

Itsallok · 30/10/2022 06:59

It looks like the main issue was the shirt was cheap. The photo posted just above shows that its not the button, its the shirt

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