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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still be angry over how my husband buttoned his shirt at our wedding?

167 replies

Purplehair22 · 24/10/2022 20:51

I never addressed it with him. Well maybe only in a jokey way.
Long story short - at our wedding my husband got ready with the help of his parents.
for some reason his mum has an issue with doing up the top button (she says it makes men look like snobs) and as a result thought it would be acceptable to let him walk out looking like he’s just travelled here from the 70s. His collar was sticking out his blazer and wide open. Top 2 buttons were undone! I was so stressed I didn’t even realise until I saw the pictures!
I asked him about it the following morning in a jokey way and he said “well mum thought since I don’t have a tie it’ll look better that way”. I mean what???? I haven’t addressed it since coz I don’t want him to feel bad and I know I sound like an absolute f*cking psychoooo but every time I look at our wedding photos all I can see is that ABBA inspired collar!!!! Someone come whack me with a frying pan!

OP posts:
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HumourReplacementTherapy · 24/10/2022 23:06

Brilliant. GrinGrinGrin I'd have walked back out Grin
Was he 14 when you married him?
Lol. I do see where you're coming from but it has really made me laugh.

LittleMyIsMySpiritAnimal · 24/10/2022 23:08

I'm boggled how it's so bad to you that it annoys you so much now but you didn't notice on the day - were you literally staring into his eyes or ignoring him all day?

NanooCov · 24/10/2022 23:11

That looks pretty awful. But that shirt was always going to look awful without a tie.

Original poster
Purplehair22 · 24/10/2022 23:12

LittleMyIsMySpiritAnimal · 24/10/2022 23:08

I'm boggled how it's so bad to you that it annoys you so much now but you didn't notice on the day - were you literally staring into his eyes or ignoring him all day?

I was waiting for that day for a long time. I was stressed. My dress was tight. And yes I’m deeply in love with him so all I could think about was being in the moment. Now when I look at the photos I wanna cry 😭

OP posts:
Arghh1234 · 24/10/2022 23:15

Send it to a professional photo editing service, they can dress him up in a tie and everything 😆

floridaplanner · 24/10/2022 23:17

Why did he decide not to wear a tie? So odd!

LittleMyIsMySpiritAnimal · 24/10/2022 23:18

Purplehair22 · 24/10/2022 23:12

I was waiting for that day for a long time. I was stressed. My dress was tight. And yes I’m deeply in love with him so all I could think about was being in the moment. Now when I look at the photos I wanna cry 😭

Show quote history

I mean this kindly, if you're that much in love with him then look at the photos and remember you got married to someone you love that much, not had a perfect catalogue model shoot. This is coming from someone who can pick loads of flaws in my wedding photos but the important part is the wedding we had to have photos of in the first place, imperfect or not

Scurryfunge12 · 24/10/2022 23:19

It looks awful, the shirt looks creased and big on him and the jacket looks too baggy as well from that pic. The collar needs tucking in.

I did get school uniform vibes 😂 sorry, op!

ScarlettnotOHara · 24/10/2022 23:19

I am getting Dracula 🧛‍♂️ vibes too 😂

Original poster
Purplehair22 · 24/10/2022 23:22

Scurryfunge12 · 24/10/2022 23:19

It looks awful, the shirt looks creased and big on him and the jacket looks too baggy as well from that pic. The collar needs tucking in.

I did get school uniform vibes 😂 sorry, op!

Yup exactly. You literally covered all my points. I’d never ever say this to him though. I would take this to the grave with me. I would never tell him I think he looked silly. Even thought he clearly did. I think the only thing that fit him properly was his shoes.

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 24/10/2022 23:26

Simple solution… lose your wedding photos like me and DH did. I’m sure we still have them somewhere but neither of us have a clue where they are. DH is planning a big clear out so I’m sure they’ll be tossed accidentally. I hope they aren’t, but it won’t be tragic to me if they are.

the only memento we have that means something to both of us is a personalized fire helmet shield that one his friends made for us… everything else is just kind of a funny story at this point.

GingerScallop · 24/10/2022 23:40

I would ask if you are crying because ---hormones. But that would be sexist wouldn't it? Listen to @LittleMyIsMySpiritAnimal and @saltinesandcoffeecups
Otherwise am coming to whack you with a rolling pin.

Or you could LTB

HoppingPavlova · 24/10/2022 23:44

Seen the photo. There is no way he could have worn that shirt buttoned up without a tie, it would have looked even odder than it did in the picture so it seems to be the lesser of two evils. Either he needed to wear a tie with that shirt, or a different style of shirt if without a tie so it would sit right.

You seem distressed over this stuff, and surely you didn’t meet your DH the day before the wedding so would have known he was clueless in this regard, so you either accept him as is without the bitching you are carrying on with, or you should have discussed his wardrobe with him prior yo the wedding and ensured he had something suitable. I’m in no way saying it’s your job to dress him, but if fashion mistakes make you so overwrought, and knowing your DH as you would have, it would seem sensible to save yourself the subsequent mental anguish.

Moonshine5 · 24/10/2022 23:46

Merryoldgoat · 24/10/2022 20:56

I cannot describe how much this wouldn’t concern me.

This x 10 000 000

Original poster
Purplehair22 · 24/10/2022 23:54

HoppingPavlova · 24/10/2022 23:44

Seen the photo. There is no way he could have worn that shirt buttoned up without a tie, it would have looked even odder than it did in the picture so it seems to be the lesser of two evils. Either he needed to wear a tie with that shirt, or a different style of shirt if without a tie so it would sit right.

You seem distressed over this stuff, and surely you didn’t meet your DH the day before the wedding so would have known he was clueless in this regard, so you either accept him as is without the bitching you are carrying on with, or you should have discussed his wardrobe with him prior yo the wedding and ensured he had something suitable. I’m in no way saying it’s your job to dress him, but if fashion mistakes make you so overwrought, and knowing your DH as you would have, it would seem sensible to save yourself the subsequent mental anguish.

Hardly bitching lool Can I not just simply be upset with how my wedding photos turned out. Imagine this right - we did have a brief discussion to which he said “I’m a grown man. I know how to dress myself for my own wedding”. I wasn’t gonna mummy him and yes I accept him as he is. Doesn’t mean I can’t have my preferences and this for sure would not have happened if I had my say. I had to get this off my chest and check if I was being nuts or if others agree. Seems as though many actually do think he looked bizarre so clearly I’m not being that unreasonable

OP posts:
Facewipes · 24/10/2022 23:55

that is a bit of a shame. He doesn’t look very smart. As others have said, I agree white shirt and a black formal jacket was never going to look good without a tie. If he was uncomfortable with a tie then different shade and style of jacket and/or shirt would have looked better. And it’s creased, and can see uneven stubble. I suspect you’re not upset so much as what he wore, rather that you made an effort and feel a bit annoyed that he didn’t do the same for you? But then, it sounds like he maybe just felt out of his depth/comfort zone and so opted out a bit. But if he is as in love with you as you say you are with him then I’m sure you will be able to rationalise this - perhaps your photos feel important now but they won’t as time goes on. As long as you don’t generally feel he doesn’t bother etc.

Stravaig · 24/10/2022 23:57

The shirt size looks wrong, chest too large, collar too small. The jacket too. Maybe that's why he didn't button the collar?

Original poster
Purplehair22 · 25/10/2022 00:04

Facewipes · 24/10/2022 23:55

that is a bit of a shame. He doesn’t look very smart. As others have said, I agree white shirt and a black formal jacket was never going to look good without a tie. If he was uncomfortable with a tie then different shade and style of jacket and/or shirt would have looked better. And it’s creased, and can see uneven stubble. I suspect you’re not upset so much as what he wore, rather that you made an effort and feel a bit annoyed that he didn’t do the same for you? But then, it sounds like he maybe just felt out of his depth/comfort zone and so opted out a bit. But if he is as in love with you as you say you are with him then I’m sure you will be able to rationalise this - perhaps your photos feel important now but they won’t as time goes on. As long as you don’t generally feel he doesn’t bother etc.

Thank you for such a kind comment. I think you actually made my feelings clearer to me. I think it is the fact that I tried my absolute best and looking at the photos we look mismatched. He looks casual and relaxed. I look properly dressed from top to bottom with everything as perfectly as it could have been. I maybe wish he took it slightly more seriously. I know he loves me more than the world which is why putting in some extra effort felt like a no brainer to me. I wanted him to be happy with how I looked and to feel “proud”. When I look at his outfit now all I can think of is him saying “that’ll do”. You’re also right about the uneven shave. He isn’t big on that kind of stuff. I’ve actually managed to pull him up a bit on being presentable over the years. But yeah this will just be one of those “let it go, what’s done is done” but I am sad about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplehair22 · 25/10/2022 00:05

Stravaig · 24/10/2022 23:57

The shirt size looks wrong, chest too large, collar too small. The jacket too. Maybe that's why he didn't button the collar?

Honestly the more I look at it the more I’m wondering if he got dressed in the dark.

OP posts:
Stravaig · 25/10/2022 00:13

Purplehair22 · 25/10/2022 00:05

Honestly the more I look at it the more I’m wondering if he got dressed in the dark.

Show quote history

🤣 It's not that bad!

The thing is, if you wanted a man who can dress immaculately and stylishly, you should have selected for that from the start. It's a specific skillset.

Facewipes · 25/10/2022 00:14

I get it. Wonder if on his part, it’s maybe less he didn’t make an effort and more he felt self conscious about dressing smartly so preferred to look like he hadn’t tried so if he don’t get it right he can say I wasn’t bothered?! If I were you I’d both be annoyed… and know it probably didn’t matter. 🙂

DillDanding · 25/10/2022 00:30

Obvs you don’t do up the top button if there’s no tie. But now I’ve seen your photo, he does look too scruffy and the collar is weird. It’s giving me Harry Hill vibes.

Chloefairydust · 25/10/2022 00:36

Seems like a non issue to me… genuinely don’t see what the problem is🤔

Cordeliathecat · 25/10/2022 00:37

Is he a bit clueless when it comes to how to dress generally? Is it unusual for him to dress formally? It must be if he’s wearing a black suit, white shirt and no tie. If so, then your wedding picture perfectly encapsulates the man you married. Not someone pretending to be someone he’s not. Be grateful for that. Look at those photos and think yep, that’s my man and be proud. Because he is who you chose.

Ticksallboxes · 25/10/2022 00:46

Cordeliathecat · 25/10/2022 00:37

Is he a bit clueless when it comes to how to dress generally? Is it unusual for him to dress formally? It must be if he’s wearing a black suit, white shirt and no tie. If so, then your wedding picture perfectly encapsulates the man you married. Not someone pretending to be someone he’s not. Be grateful for that. Look at those photos and think yep, that’s my man and be proud. Because he is who you chose.

This. Calm down and find something more important to worry about.