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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask those people who post on social media all loved up, is this real?

114 replies

PitterPatterr · 21/10/2022 21:53

I know you can't believe everything you see on social media, and that it's peoples highlight reel and people don't share the bad things. But I see everyone posting pictures of them looking extremely loved up with their other half. I'm talking everyone on social media seems to do it. Is a lot of this fake or is it real? My marriage isn't the best so I find myself feeling envious at times (a separate issue which I know needs to be addressed), but seeing this makes me feel even worse. I tell myself that half of the people posting must be portraying a false image, but I really find it hard to believe that people actually do this? That they're unhappy in their relationships yet are posting pics talking about how they're best friends and soul mates etc?

OP posts:
Bluey124 · 21/10/2022 22:10

We are genuinely happy. Don't post all the time but it is genuine.
Very much in love and have a strong relationship and family unit. I know we are lucky and I don't take it for granted.

ClairyFlare · 21/10/2022 22:14

I’d say in my experience those who post this stuff a lot are often lying to themselves over anything else.

DH and I are pretty loved up and post occasionally, but those that post every day or so usually aren’t all that happy under the surface.

my neighbour spring to mind, pretty much every day she posts a variation of ‘so lucky to have such a gorgeous wonderful husband’ with pictures, yet most mornings her husband will be calling her a fat slob, terrible mother, she’ll be screaming he is a drunk with a small penis. I often wish I had the balls to comment on their pics Blush

Penguinsaregreat · 21/10/2022 22:18

I’m happy. I rarely post anything about dh on social media. I don’t need to, we tell each other every day that we love each other. The people I see posting incessantly how much they love their oh, are the ones who have cheated or been cheated on.

HermioneWeasley · 21/10/2022 22:22

We are very happy. We don’t even acknowledge each other on social media. I’ll never forget a colleague who gushed about her husband on FB on their anniversary and left him for one of the directors less than 3 weeks later.

Atmywitsend29 · 21/10/2022 22:25

DH and I are happy, I love him endlessly.
I will every now and again post a picture of us, or something we are up to but I rarely put a lovely dovey caption. I'd you look at my DH FB, he posts nothing about me or us at all xD

I'll be very honest, when I was in an abusive relationship that was killing me, I posted "happy" pics and loved up posts all the time. Keeping up appearances.

Looking back I think part of that was me clinging to the better times, and part of it was trying to convince the people who could see how shit it was, that everything was fine.

kittenkaia · 21/10/2022 22:26

DH and I have been together for 20 years and are happy every day. Neither of us have posted anything on social media since about 2016. It's all very boring and superficial.

HollyJollypup · 21/10/2022 22:27

The ones that post all over social media about how loved up their are and how great their lives are, are normally the ones who’s relationship is falling apart and one of them is shagging someone else and having constant rows.

PinkButtercups · 21/10/2022 22:32

Apparently people who post the most about their relationship are the most insecure about their relationship. Not sure how true that is!

I have someone on my fb who will literally praise her bf for going to work, how much of a great father he is, love of her life. The thing is he has the most horrible temper I've ever come across. He's so angry and aggressive all the time. I don't like being around them as he puts me on edge. Last time we were with them he really went off on one that his daughter (3) had an accident even though she asked multiple times to go to the toilet and he ignored her.

They're also the same people to tag themselves at hospital 🫣.

FlowerzInTheAttic · 21/10/2022 22:32

We are really happy. My DH posts photos of us/me/family days out/holidays etc quite frequently. He uses social media a lot more than I do though (which I think is down to insecurity generally). He can be a bit PDA on social media which used to make me cringe at first.

I know he went through a lot in his life before we met though and I think he is just so happy and proud to finally be in the place he is in life. It isn’t fake.

I very rarely post that type of stuff (maybe on our wedding anniversary or on his birthday). That is partly because I know he likes the public acknowledgement but also I do enjoy showing off our relationship a little too I suppose.

I was in an first unhappy marriage and went through a horrible divorce when that ended. My DH now is absolutely gorgeous and I do feel proud and lucky to be with him, and the friends I have on social media are genuinely happy for my happiness ☺️

(Ex-H and I never posted anything about each other on social media. We were very unhappy for years, and it would never have occurred to me to try and pretend to others that we were really in love!)

jollyjester · 21/10/2022 22:33

We never post gushing things on social media. We prefer to tell each other in person. I asked him once did he want me to post on father's Day about how good he is and was promptly met with an eye roll!

Sister in law is very gushy on social media about her husband and family. In reality if I shared the messages about how miserable she is are the smoke screen would come down. Im genuinely sad for her because she's clinging to a life that made them happy 10 years ago.

Don't believe everything you see on the internet!

CheezePleeze · 21/10/2022 22:38

Because you describe your marriage as 'not the best', it seems as though you've started this thread in the hope everyone will tell you all these people are liars.

I mean some will be, some won't be and some will be trying to convince themselves their relationships are better than they are.

But why are you giving it head space? It's just social media and no matter what their truths are, it's not going to change your marriage is it?

xams · 21/10/2022 22:41

My DH and I post nothing about each other. We are together on pics etc but nothing about how much we love each other.
We've been together 15 years, 2 children and have a fab relationship.
One of my friends always posts how amazing her DH is and how much they love each other.. the beginning of the year she tore him to shreds on it because he was caught in a hotel with another woman 🙄
Most people I know who over share on social media lead lives the total opposite.. my BF frequently puts photos on of her children doing amazing activities, crafts, games together.. yet I know that she has no patience with them and puts them in breakfast and after school club as she wants peace and quiet! It's as though she needs validation that she's a good mum because she doesn't think she is!

Asparagoose · 21/10/2022 22:49

In my experience the people who feel they need to publicly gush about their happiness actually aren’t very happy, they just want people to think they are. Often they’re trying to convince themselves as much as anyone else. My husband and I never post anything like that, we’re more likely to post something sarcastic. But we’ve been together for a very long time.

It’s like how the people who spent 30k on their wedding get divorced while those who had a cheap register office event stay married.

AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut · 21/10/2022 22:50

I can’t talk for anyone else, but DH and I are blissfully in love and on the odd occasion (birthdays, anniversary) we post, its all totally authentic. I guess when you are so in love, part of you wants to tell the world, but we don’t post v often, we know that we are puke inducing enough 😂

I’m sorry to hear your marriage isn’t going well, I would avoid social media like the plague if I were you. Why torture yourself. I do know lots of people who have shitty relationships who post about how incredible their partners are, but I’m not saying that to make you feel better as lots of people are genuinely happy.

MrsTimRiggins · 21/10/2022 22:50

I don’t think being a bit soppy on Facebook is necessarily indicative of an unhappy relationship but the types who post daily, or close to, all along similar lines.. it does make me wonder who they’re trying to convince.
That being said, I do post photos of DH / me and DH / us as a family with DS & DDogs quite often, sometimes with a sentimental caption, and we’re incredibly happy. He’s a genuinely good man and we’ve a nice life.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 21/10/2022 22:50

My philosophy is that the more people gush on SM, the more they're trying to convince themselves that they're happy because, apparently, if the world can see them happy then it must be true.

The people that are genuinely happy are busy enjoying their life and living their life away from SM or posting occasionally something others might actually be interested in.

AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut · 21/10/2022 22:51

xams · 21/10/2022 22:41

My DH and I post nothing about each other. We are together on pics etc but nothing about how much we love each other.
We've been together 15 years, 2 children and have a fab relationship.
One of my friends always posts how amazing her DH is and how much they love each other.. the beginning of the year she tore him to shreds on it because he was caught in a hotel with another woman 🙄
Most people I know who over share on social media lead lives the total opposite.. my BF frequently puts photos on of her children doing amazing activities, crafts, games together.. yet I know that she has no patience with them and puts them in breakfast and after school club as she wants peace and quiet! It's as though she needs validation that she's a good mum because she doesn't think she is!

And that’s how you talk about your best friend. Wow…

SusanPerbCallMeSue · 21/10/2022 22:51

I'm happy with my DP. I don't usually post loved up posts though, just some posts of what we've been up to, places we've been.

When I was with my ex and unhappy I just didn't post anything about him at all. I didn't want him near me, let alone to pretend we were happy.

LokiCokey · 21/10/2022 22:53

I'm sure I've read somewhere that there's a correlation between those sorts of posts and abusive/ controlling relationships...

cavi1 · 21/10/2022 22:53

I don't post much, just the odd pic but we're very happy

MsCactus · 21/10/2022 22:54

I had a work colleague who hit on me when drunk, said he hated his wife, would leave her for me... then at the same time he was posting loved up photos on social media.

So no, it's not true, it's just a posed picture. I love my DH dearly and I don't think we've posted anything on social media for years

1994girl · 21/10/2022 22:56

I know a couple and it's all for show. Absolute bollocks

CheezePleeze · 21/10/2022 23:03

The people that are genuinely happy are busy enjoying their life and living their life away from SM or posting occasionally something others might actually be interested in.

That can't always be true though because some people are just 'gushy'.

I mean when you think about the amount of photos a lot of parents post of their kids from the moment they're born, they're mostly doing that because like most parents, they're incredibly in love with their kids.

So if that's true, it's not too much of a stretch to believe their marital happiness photos are true too.

MajorCarolDanvers · 21/10/2022 23:04

We are very happy but I'd never post 'loved up" on social media because it's totally icky.

Awrite · 21/10/2022 23:10

One of my brothers and his wife do it. They are loved up but I believe they are quite controlling of each other. Makes them happy.

A friend and her husband do it. Not a happy marriage.

Not sure about all the young'uns. I tend to believe it as I am the trusting sort.

DH not on sm but if he ever did gush about me I would think he had taken leave of his senses. Ditto a lot of the people I know. I think I know mainly cynical, sarcastic sorts.