To ask those people who post on social media all loved up, is this real?

[PitterPatterr]

I know you can't believe everything you see on social media, and that it's peoples highlight reel and people don't share the bad things. But I see everyone posting pictures of them looking extremely loved up with their other half. I'm talking everyone on social media seems to do it. Is a lot of this fake or is it real? My marriage isn't the best so I find myself feeling envious at times (a separate issue which I know needs to be addressed), but seeing this makes me feel even worse. I tell myself that half of the people posting must be portraying a false image, but I really find it hard to believe that people actually do this? That they're unhappy in their relationships yet are posting pics talking about how they're best friends and soul mates etc?

I used to do it when I was young and insecure

I was happy in my relationship but I also needed the world to know it for some strange reason!

Now I'm older and more cynical I cringe at the loved up posts

I adore my DH and we're very romantic and affectionate with one another IRL, but neither of us would be comfortable with gushing posts on SM, we both find it cringeworthy. Of the gushers I know

Colleague who is always posting about how much he loves his fiance, how he's the luckiest man in the world etc Since they have been engaged he has made passes at at least two female colleagues that I know of.

BIL and SIL constantly post about how loved up they are. BIL does it because she tells him to. He has told me she gets upset with him if he hasn't posted anything about her for a while. When they got engaged she made him 're-do' his proposal in a "better" location so she could get someone to take a picture for insta.

I have another relative who is always gushing about her "gorgeous man" on SM. They've been engaged for ten years. They have three kids, eldest in secondary school, and he still won't set a date. Every so often she posts something cryptic implying they've split then deletes it and its back to the loved up posts. He's previously dumped her by text and then changed his mind the next day. He can't hold down a job so she has two jobs. But she is #blessed apparently.

I have a female friend who posts lovey-dovey stuff about her DH all the time. She does genuinely love him, but he tells her what to wear, doesn't like her going out without him (and if she does he will give her the silent treatment for days) and doesn't like her talking to her Mum. I worry about her a lot.

In their own minds they probably are... but when I see men being loved up on SM who I know are awful to their spouse behind closed doors, or even worse, are trying it on with me! I do tend to take it all with a pinch of salt.

I tend to believe being in love is a bit like being powerful or being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.

I don't have a really big issue with the occasional appreciative post but we all know people who are quite obviously projecting how they wish things were when the reality is very different - this applies to work, health and various other areas of life, not just relationships. Unfortunately I don't think this is particularly healthy when there are young and vulnerable people who see this and believe it, skewing their version of reality. Most of us realise there's more to life than the Insta-perfect version being presented but it's not helpful to some people.

And yes, as previous posters have pointed out, the worst offenders seem to be the ones covering up the most bullshit. So no, OP, it's not realistic to assume everyone is either super loved up or that everyone is hiding their misery because as usual, there are many shades of grey. Real life is much more nuanced than what we see on social media.

An ex 'acquaintance' basically has a cyber relationship via FB - he's a covert narc and has flying monkeys galore. He's one of those who has an online harem (a selection box of side chicks) and regularly jerks off to live webcam girls. He's also a cocklodger, which sadly his rich, successful GF seems happy with. Or it could be she's in denial/oblivious.

I have a friend like this

Her husband is an absolute dick head. If the word "man child" was in the dictionary his photo should be next to it he is the most immature,
childish 40 year old I've ever known. He is also unkind to her, very mean with money and also selfish in bed (according to her) plus not the best with his personal hygiene 🤢

Yet her posts on fb paint that they have an absolutely perfect happy relationship 😔

@neverbeenskiing

When they got engaged she made him 're-do' his proposal in a "better" location so she could get someone to take a picture for insta

I honestly cannot decide if this is absolutely hilarious or utterly depressing

I'm talking everyone on social media seems to do it.

They don’t though. I’m very loved up and don’t - me and DH know many couples who are very happy and loved up after many years together and don’t post about. Although I’m not sure if that makes you feel better… I mean I’m 100% sure there are plenty of unhappy couples out there too. But instead of sulking about and begrudging others posting about their happiness on SM, and I guess you secretly hoping they’re all truly miserable and just full of shit - maybe do something about it? Or quit FB.

I'm very happily married (sorry about that) but never post anything 'lovey' or about our marriage on Facebook.

Conversely I know at least three couples who are desperately unhappy (one woman who recently got pregnant by and married a complete loser) who constantly post 'loved up' and 'cutesy' things.

I know this is anecdotal and only a small sample of couples but it goes to show that you can't always believe what you see.

The amateur psychologist in me says it's a deflection. Hide your misery with over-the-top positivity. Not healthy (or productive) but it's better in some minds that accepting that you're with someone you can't stand and you've built a life that isn't easy to escape from.

Interesting thread. I am inclined to agree with @OP83, being OTT on social media about your own life builds the appearance you are on cloud 9 all the time. It’s unrealistic at best and either done for competitive reasons (very childish) or to give off an image. I cringe heavily but what can you do!

If you look at my next door neighbours social media - they are so loved up, just got engaged and life is nigh on perfect but they work hard and are socially responsible, recycl,e only buy off facebook market place etc etc etc

Reality is she is an abusive cow - the verbal abuse and emotional blackmail she screams at him is weekly and constant. ( think victorian terraced house - never heard previous neighbours but these two might s well knock hole in the wall - they are so loud and noisy

So far from the image she portrays.

Me and my OH have a theory . The more you post on social media about how happy and loved up you are ,the less happy and loved you actually are .

We never post about each other unless tagged on a day out or holiday

Stop looking or train yourself to simply enjoy seeing others people real (or imagined) pleasure. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that..

I post photos of me and DH every so often, but not kissing or anything like that. We are genuinely happy. I’ll write the occasional cringe status on birthdays or after we got married.

I also have friends or colleagues who I know are having a bad patch, arguments etc and post lovely dovey stuff on fb that I feel is fake. I remember one of my colleagues had just cheated on her partner, they had broken up and were trying to work things through and she kept posting about how their relationship is the best in the world and how they have the truest love than anyone else. I don’t know, just felt a bit off and fake

Would say it’s probably 50/50.