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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask those people who post on social media all loved up, is this real?

114 replies

PitterPatterr · 21/10/2022 21:53

I know you can't believe everything you see on social media, and that it's peoples highlight reel and people don't share the bad things. But I see everyone posting pictures of them looking extremely loved up with their other half. I'm talking everyone on social media seems to do it. Is a lot of this fake or is it real? My marriage isn't the best so I find myself feeling envious at times (a separate issue which I know needs to be addressed), but seeing this makes me feel even worse. I tell myself that half of the people posting must be portraying a false image, but I really find it hard to believe that people actually do this? That they're unhappy in their relationships yet are posting pics talking about how they're best friends and soul mates etc?

OP posts:
bercan · 21/10/2022 23:10

I think truly happy people don't need to post on SM

MynameisJune · 21/10/2022 23:15

The only ones I’ve known to gush on SM are all now divorced. None were truly happy relationships.

DH and I have been together 20yrs, we barely post on SM because we don’t need external validation of our marriage. That’s what these posts boil down to.

PotatoFamily · 21/10/2022 23:31

DH and I are extremely happy, are very open emotionally and with public displays of affection, and both post soppy stuff on social media all the time. It’s not fake, we are genuinely like that after 8 years together

scarletisjustred · 21/10/2022 23:38

My mother long before online stuff was even invented always said that couples who made a big fuss of togetherness and how in love they were were trying to convince themselves.

Sage396 · 21/10/2022 23:40

I'm definitely sceptical.

A friend from work was posting lovey dovey pictures on Instagram right up until the day before she broke up with her boyfriend, which she'd been considering doing for months before that. Another friend had the picture perfect engagement on Instagram but the actual story from the day/weekend surrounding the engagement was crap. These experiences have definitely made me take no notice of anything people post online.

A school friend posts her relationship constantly - they'll be out for an anniversary dinner and there will be selfies before, at the restaurant, pictures of the food, the drink after, a selfies in the car on the way home etc. I figure no, they can't really be having much fun if they're spending that much time posting to be honest.
I'd expect it from a 15 year old not a 30 year old.

DP and I are honestly very and gushy soppy in person but I can't imagine posting something like that onlin, just the thought makes me cringe.. I don't need other people to see I have a happy relationship - knowing it myself is enough.

XenoBitch · 21/10/2022 23:40

There are a few cringe couples like this on my FB. One will tag her OH in every gushing post about how amazing they are. They live with her, so I am sure she can just tell them in person. I don't know why it has to be on FB.

WarblingEttie · 21/10/2022 23:47

PotatoFamily · 21/10/2022 23:31

DH and I are extremely happy, are very open emotionally and with public displays of affection, and both post soppy stuff on social media all the time. It’s not fake, we are genuinely like that after 8 years together

Why do you gush on FB? Why not just live and love offline?

TheArtfulStodger · 21/10/2022 23:53

I'm a PDA kind of person, I love sharing the love. But online, when I've mostly posted about how wonderful the person I'm seeing is, it's either because it's early on in the relationship, or its frequent because I'm so happy that an abusive partner has deemed me worthy enough to drop me some scraps of love between bouts of emotional or physical abuse.

I do share the shit though. I don't do pretending everything is happy when it's not. I'm ill, my kids are disabled, I have trauma, we can't pay our mortgage anymore and my winder family aren't talking. If my partner is being a dick, damn right I'll share some pass agg memes or have a moan (when direct communication has failed and I'm hormonal).

SugarNspices · 21/10/2022 23:53

I know some one who posts lip kissing pictures and she is holding her phone at the same time...surely it's just kind of fake, who kisses spontaneously and whips their phone out at the same time 😂

FiveMins · 21/10/2022 23:54

DH would never speak to me again if I did this.
Well he would but would absolutely hate it
The people that do are usually one step from a split.
They also are the same lot that post that their kids are "their world". (Which seems to mean they like shouting at them all the time)
Or posting posts that require the response "you okay Hun?" From "friends" who don't give a tiny fuck but want to know any gossip going or be apart of the drama

Aria2015 · 22/10/2022 00:02

I'm sure I read or saw a video of a psychologist commenting on Brooklyn Beckham's marriage based off the fact they post loved up stuff all the time. I think it said something along the lines of, they're trying so hard to portray how loved up they are, it usually means things are less than perfect behind closed doors but they're trying to convince themselves otherwise. No idea if it's true... 🤷‍♀️

BuggersMuddle · 22/10/2022 00:16

Depends what you mean by 'loved up'. I sometimes post pics of DH and I enjoying ourselves, so that might look 'loved up' in that we could have arms round each other in photos whether that's on hols, at a trig point on a hill somewhere or down the pub. We are genuinely having a good time though!

If you mean, 'OMG look at my gorgeous man, he's done so much for me and our little family #blessed' then while I do know some folks where that's genuine, I suspect in many cases it's not.

Thursa · 22/10/2022 02:04

I take it with a pinch of salt. I used to belong to an online group and a lot of us were FB friends too. You would see women post about how sick of their husbands they were, how they didn’t think they could stay together any longer. Then a birthday or anniversary would come around and here’s the FB post praising him as the best husband and father, a true prince amongst men, the love of their life.

ArcticSkewer · 22/10/2022 02:18

I only know 2 couples who do/did this. Both were utterly fake. One was in an open marriage as they couldn't stand sleeping with each other any more, the other told me she only stayed for the children. First couple now separated, second lot still posting ridiculous 'love of my life' stuff

lemmein · 22/10/2022 02:19

I know a couple of people that gush on FB when I know in reality they're in abusive relationships.

It makes me disbelieve everyone who posts like that tbh.

Bllueblazerblack · 22/10/2022 02:21

I very rarely post anything about my partner on social media. I certainly never gush about him. We're not even "in a relationship" on Facebook. In reality, he is the most amazing partner and father. I tell him this directly rather than posting it. Our relationship doesn't need validation from others.

I am related to a couple that constantly post about how loved up they are etc. Yet she's been cheating on him for years and was once found shagging in a carpark by the bloke's wife. They're both as vile as each other so it always makes me laugh to see them post.

Trinkethearth · 22/10/2022 06:23

I have been happily married over 20 years. I rarely mention my DH on social media. My DSis and her DH are always online telling the world how much they love each other. I know he's a controlling, emotionally and financially abusive, cheating bastard.

buttons123456 · 22/10/2022 06:28

People that shout the loudest and all that..

I'm happily married but ember post on SM...

It's all for attention and trying to validate themselves

Don't worry about it !

Rinatinabina · 22/10/2022 06:35

Never post about my family, I’m normally looking right at them.

Ffsmakeitstop · 22/10/2022 06:36

I know 3 couples who are gushingly ott but one of them is like that in real life and I think they are genuine.
The other two couples are related and while I think they are genuine the whole family are claustrophobically (sp) close. Think happy heavenly 102nd birthday to granny when she's been gone 20 years and loving everybody to the moon and back.
Attention seeking bollocks.

Hillrunning · 22/10/2022 06:49

I hate the way some people have to believe that other unhappy just to make themselves feel OK. I never post personal things on social media but I also don't need to convince myself that anyone posting anything remotely positive must be fake/delusional. It's such a sad way to be. Some will be genuine some won't. Do you really want to get a boost from thinking other people are also not as happy as you?

knittingaddict · 22/10/2022 06:51

Some family members used to do this. They still might, but I deleted FB years ago. Let's just say that they don't have the healthiest of relationship.

KimberleyClark · 22/10/2022 06:56

DH and I are very happy but we rarely post lovey dovey stuff, don’t wish each other happy birthday or happy anniversary on FB as a rule, prefer to do it in person. The odd photo of us on holiday, with other holiday photos, but that’s it.

FrancescaContini · 22/10/2022 07:03

The happiness people don’t even use SM ☺️

bercan · 22/10/2022 07:03

I hate the way some people have to believe that other unhappy just to make themselves feel OK. I never post personal things on social media but I also don't need to convince myself that anyone posting anything remotely positive must be fake/delusional. It's such a sad way to be. Some will be genuine some won't. Do you really want to get a boost from thinking other people are also not as happy as you?

Your post doesn't make any sense. As you said yourself some people who do this will be genuine, some won't.
Lots of people on this thread have said in their experience people who do it,don't have the healthiest relationships & some have said they themselves have done it. How have you extrapolated that to mean people are getting a boost from it?