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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to know who is taking DS to Alton Towers?

144 replies

MrsBeaumaris · 21/10/2022 21:08

DS has been invited to go to Alton Towers with a friend from school to celebrate their birthday. Two other boys are going, and the birthday boy’s dad is taking them. DS is nearly 16, and I don’t know the boys who are going on this trip, or the father who’s doing the driving.

AIBU to want the mobile number of the father so I can message him with my details in case there’s a problem?

I wouldn’t want to take 3 boys I don’t know on a four hour round trip to Alton Towers without having their parents’ contact details but DS thinks I’m being embarrassing and over-protective. I was surprised that one of my friends, who’s pretty sound with grown up sons, has the same opinion, which is why I’d appreciate knowing what you all think.

OP posts:
Waspo · 22/10/2022 08:08

I'm with you OP! What if DS doesn't arrive home at the time you are expecting him and isn't answering his phone - I'd want the Dad's number in my phone just in case if this v unlikely scenario, as a back up.

MyPurpleJacket · 22/10/2022 08:12

😂 Way overprotective. My boys would have been mortified if I’d have done that to them at a similar age.

NancyJoan · 22/10/2022 08:12

My DD is 16. If I’m dropping her off for something like this, I try and meet the parent and swap numbers, which saves any embarrassment for her having to do it herself. Actually, I don’t think she’d mind, since me knowing her friends parents is the norm.

HoHoHowMuch · 22/10/2022 08:14

I know times have changed, but I didn't realise this much. By 16 we had been going without adults to the nearest city an hour's train away for a good 3 years. We had a week away in the UK with no contact numbers at 16. Certainly would have gone to them parks on our own. No one had mobile phones back then and our parents didn't keep tabs on us every 2 hours in case something happens. If it ever did then they would have been informed somehow or other.

ineedakickupthe · 22/10/2022 08:15

I can't vote but YANBU. A number exchange just means that communication can happen if something goes wrong. Before mobiles my parents would have had my friends numbers in the family address book. They never used them but could have if needed say I didn't arrive back from being out with one of them or at their home. Just seems practical common sense regardless of age.

blanketyblank97 · 22/10/2022 08:17

HoHoHowMuch · 22/10/2022 08:14

I know times have changed, but I didn't realise this much. By 16 we had been going without adults to the nearest city an hour's train away for a good 3 years. We had a week away in the UK with no contact numbers at 16. Certainly would have gone to them parks on our own. No one had mobile phones back then and our parents didn't keep tabs on us every 2 hours in case something happens. If it ever did then they would have been informed somehow or other.

Exactly, honestly the world is batshit crazy!

BenchOfCompany · 22/10/2022 08:21

Completely normal to pass on your phone number. We have the phone numbers of DCs mates and they have mine/other mums just in case batteries die etc. I also have some of their parents too.

00100001 · 22/10/2022 08:22

ineedakickupthe · 22/10/2022 08:15

I can't vote but YANBU. A number exchange just means that communication can happen if something goes wrong. Before mobiles my parents would have had my friends numbers in the family address book. They never used them but could have if needed say I didn't arrive back from being out with one of them or at their home. Just seems practical common sense regardless of age.

But the 16 year old had a phone with the ability to contact her if something dreadful happened.

The other lads have phones too.

What do you imagine will happen to the boys that OP needs the father's contact number??

madnesss · 22/10/2022 08:22

This is really weird bc what if they were just going by bus or train? Would you be expecting the bus drivers phone number, or the train guards?

WalkingOnTheCracks · 22/10/2022 08:29

I wonder if the vote and the responses would be different if it were a daughter?

00100001 · 22/10/2022 08:32

WalkingOnTheCracks · 22/10/2022 08:29

I wonder if the vote and the responses would be different if it were a daughter?

...no.

Three 16 year olds going to Alton Towers are essentially using the Dad as a taxi. Boys or girls.

The dad isn't going to be with them at all, will sit in the bar or wherever and say, see you at 5!

In fact I wouldn't be surprised if he sat in the car all day.

rookiemere · 22/10/2022 08:33

The OPs DS is not 16, he is 15, there is a difference- small but distinct.

rookiemere · 22/10/2022 08:34

Oh and if the Dad is sitting in the bar all day then I'd definitely not allow DS to go Grin.

Badgirlriri · 22/10/2022 08:41

Another example of mumsnet raising snowflakes. We’ve had so many examples lately!
Can’t say hello to a 3 year old anymore…: kids can refuse to go to school and sit in their bedrooms playing video games all day because they’re anxious… mum needs to arrange a play date for a 16 year old… jeez

ineedakickupthe · 22/10/2022 08:42

@00100001 for me it wouldn't need to be the dads number. I do think it would be good for someone else in the group to have mine and for me to have someone else's. I can cope without but just think it's good to have.

junebirthdaygirl · 22/10/2022 08:43

I always had a number for one or two of their friends so if ds phone was off l could still contact him. As for those saying no contacting parents after Secondary mine are grown now but all parents contacted me up to 15 if we were having a sleepover. Also if l agreed to drop a gang of them somewhere and collect all parents checked in and usually thanked as well. The lads had absolutely no issue with it and to be honest if a 12 year old was staying here and the parents made no contact l would be very surprised and actually a bit sorry for the child. My dc were very independent and got lots of freedom but knowing a few details about a strange house they are staying in is pretty basic.
Obviously if they were staying regularly it wouldn't be an issue.

Original poster
MrsBeaumaris · 22/10/2022 08:57

Badgirlriri · 22/10/2022 08:41

Another example of mumsnet raising snowflakes. We’ve had so many examples lately!
Can’t say hello to a 3 year old anymore…: kids can refuse to go to school and sit in their bedrooms playing video games all day because they’re anxious… mum needs to arrange a play date for a 16 year old… jeez

Hardly. I’m not stopping DS from going to Alton Towers, I’m not insisting that the dad hold his hand for the entire day and I’m not asking for a risk assessment of the entire trip.

I just want a name and number for the adult who will be driving DS to and from Alton Towers, and for him to have my name and number, in case of emergency.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsBeaumaris · 22/10/2022 08:57

And for the umpteenth time, DS is 15.

OP posts:
healthadvice123 · 22/10/2022 09:01

Gosh what did we do when we out for the day and didn't have mobile phones
At nearly 16 I would be fine as be has his own phone and there is a group of them

healthadvice123 · 22/10/2022 09:02

Mine goes iff to the beach in the train for the day with his mates , no adults i just ask him to text a couple times and when hes leaving

Original poster
MrsBeaumaris · 22/10/2022 09:05

00100001 · 22/10/2022 08:22

But the 16 year old had a phone with the ability to contact her if something dreadful happened.

The other lads have phones too.

What do you imagine will happen to the boys that OP needs the father's contact number??

Show quote history

Well, there might be an accident, and the dad may need to contact me. Or give my details to the police. These things do happen.

If I really were the neurotic, snowflake-raising mother some of you think I am, DS wouldn’t be going to Alton Towers even with me.

Instead, I’m going to send him off to have what I expect will be a great day out with his friends, secure in the knowledge that the dad and I have each other’s numbers, which we are unlikely to need to use - but we have them just in case.

OP posts:
3ShotsOfEspresso · 22/10/2022 09:06

YANBU OP. I don’t see why you’re being slammed for basic parenting. Not a big deal.

healthadvice123 · 22/10/2022 09:10

Could you not look parent up on facebook if that concerned and message thanks for taking ds here my number incase , did you want a contribution to petrol or something like that

madnesss · 22/10/2022 09:18

I just want a name and number for the adult who will be driving DS to and from Alton Towers, and for him to have my name and number, in case of emergency.

Would you expect these details if he were taking public transport?

Concernednan456 · 22/10/2022 09:18

Your son is sixteen . At sixteen I had a job and lived away from home . It’s his responsibility to text or call you to say when he’ll be home ( which is polite and I would expect) it’s also his responsibility to have a debit card handy with enough money on it to jump on a train home should ever these days out go pear shaped for some reason. My friends and I travelled all over the country on trains and coaches from about 12 to have days out. My daughter caught a train from London to Blackpool to visit a grandparent at 11.
my 5 year old goes in the greengrocers alone , with cash to pick what he wants while I wait outside because I refuse to raise helpless idiots .