Page 2 | AIBU to know who is taking DS to Alton Towers?

MrsBeaumaris · 2022-10-21T20:08:42+00:00

DS has been invited to go to Alton Towers with a friend from school to celebrate their birthday. Two other boys are going, and the birthday boy’s dad is taking them. DS is nearly 16, and I don’t know the boys who are going on this trip, or the father who’s doing the driving. AIBU to want the mobile number of the father so I can message him with my details in case there’s a problem? I wouldn’t want to take 3 boys I don’t know on a four hour round trip to Alton Towers without having their parents’ contact details but DS thinks I’m being embarrassing and over-protective. I was surprised that one of my friends, who’s pretty sound with grown up sons, has the same opinion, which is why I’d appreciate knowing what you all think.

ClairyFlare · 21/10/2022 21:36

MrsBeaumaris · 21/10/2022 21:27

The dad would be responsible for his son’s friends - they’re under 16, after all - which is why I thought it makes sense for him to have my details in case there’s a problem.

I mean it’s not as if I’m demanding to see the dad’s car insurance details and CRB check!

Then why be fine if it was just the kids going

It makes 0 sense

WonderingWanda · 21/10/2022 21:36

I agree with you op. I would want to have met the person driving my child for a 4 hr trip and I would want their details.

IrisMac · 21/10/2022 21:37

My 15 year old daughter arranged to go to Chessington with 3 mates over the summer holidays. She could get cheap tickets for all of them as DH gets a pass through his work. I was happy to take the girls and pick them up but the mother of one said she couldn’t go unless a parent went and stayed in eyesight of them the whole time. They are 15! So, because I get in free I went along, so she didn’t miss out, and sat and read a book all day. All the girls thought it was crazy. I vaguely know the mother, I never thought she was like that but now I think about her differently. Don’t be that parent.

ClairyFlare · 21/10/2022 21:38

WonderingWanda · 21/10/2022 21:36

I agree with you op. I would want to have met the person driving my child for a 4 hr trip and I would want their details.

At 16?

Your child could move out and you’d still want contact info for someone driving them?

70billionthnamechange · 21/10/2022 21:39

IrisMac · 21/10/2022 21:37

My 15 year old daughter arranged to go to Chessington with 3 mates over the summer holidays. She could get cheap tickets for all of them as DH gets a pass through his work. I was happy to take the girls and pick them up but the mother of one said she couldn’t go unless a parent went and stayed in eyesight of them the whole time. They are 15! So, because I get in free I went along, so she didn’t miss out, and sat and read a book all day. All the girls thought it was crazy. I vaguely know the mother, I never thought she was like that but now I think about her differently. Don’t be that parent.

Kind of different. It's just a phone number 🙃

Original poster

MrsBeaumaris · 21/10/2022 21:39

IrisMac · 21/10/2022 21:37

My 15 year old daughter arranged to go to Chessington with 3 mates over the summer holidays. She could get cheap tickets for all of them as DH gets a pass through his work. I was happy to take the girls and pick them up but the mother of one said she couldn’t go unless a parent went and stayed in eyesight of them the whole time. They are 15! So, because I get in free I went along, so she didn’t miss out, and sat and read a book all day. All the girls thought it was crazy. I vaguely know the mother, I never thought she was like that but now I think about her differently. Don’t be that parent.

I don’t think I’m being that parent - I just want a phone number. I’m not insisting that the dad goes round Alton Towers with them or sends me regular updates.

OP posts:

ClairyFlare · 21/10/2022 21:40

Oojamaflipp · 21/10/2022 21:27

My DD does have a phone, but if it dies, or she runs out of credit (which happens because she's a pain and watches YouTube when roaming ..) the then how would I get hold of them if they were late home, or there was an issue?

I genuinely don't know any parent in my circle who would be ok with their 12 year old going off for the day and not knowing who they were going with or at least having that parent's number... My parents were as lax as they came, but even they wouldn't have let us do that as 12 year olds either!

Show quote history

And I don’t know one parent who would ask for numbers after secondary

tell a lie there is one parent like this in DS’s class, but that child rarely gets invited anywhere so it doesn’t impact anyone much. He isn’t invited due to his overprotective parents, makes the parents supervising hims lives stressful!

edwinbear · 21/10/2022 21:40

At 16 I wouldn’t need the dad’s number. At 16 me and some mates took ourselves off to Wembley for a concert from Norwich, mobile phones didn’t exist in those days, it was absolutely fine.

Shockmeafter · 21/10/2022 21:40

Way OTT - I was going to festivals without mobile phones at 15

ForestofD · 21/10/2022 21:40

Of course I would ask for the number. If something happens, how will the parent contact you if your son cannot?

I'm assuming his phone is password protected and unless any of his friends have your contact details, how would they contact you?

I've done this- then sent a message just saying 'Hi, it's Mum, this is my number should you need it on the trip to . Many thanks for taking them.'

No chit chat, no checking in on the day- just information.

ForestofD · 21/10/2022 21:42

ForestofD · 21/10/2022 21:40

Of course I would ask for the number. If something happens, how will the parent contact you if your son cannot?

I'm assuming his phone is password protected and unless any of his friends have your contact details, how would they contact you?

I've done this- then sent a message just saying 'Hi, it's Mum, this is my number should you need it on the trip to . Many thanks for taking them.'

No chit chat, no checking in on the day- just information.

Should say it's 'Boy Child's Mum.....

MistressIggi · 21/10/2022 21:44

I'm really surprised how many think you're BU. If I was running this trip I'd absolutely only take dc if I had a contact number for their parents! I'm sure it won't, but if something bad happened the dad would have no way of letting you know - if anything happened that meant your ds didn't have access to your phone.
Perhaps as a teacher I'm used to taking precautions. It just doesn't seem a big deal to swap numbers with the parent.

Original poster

MrsBeaumaris · 21/10/2022 21:45

ClairyFlare · 21/10/2022 21:40

And I don’t know one parent who would ask for numbers after secondary

tell a lie there is one parent like this in DS’s class, but that child rarely gets invited anywhere so it doesn’t impact anyone much. He isn’t invited due to his overprotective parents, makes the parents supervising hims lives stressful!

Show quote history

I’ve never asked for anyone’s number at secondary. Never had a need to or wanted to.

But this man is going to be in loco parentis for the day, so I think the situation is different.

OP posts:

GloriousGlory · 21/10/2022 21:46

🚁 parent!

OrangePomander · 21/10/2022 21:46

I took a group of 15 year olds out for a similar day trip over the summer, every parent asked to exchange numbers so I don’t think yabu.

Original poster

MrsBeaumaris · 21/10/2022 21:47

ForestofD · 21/10/2022 21:40

Of course I would ask for the number. If something happens, how will the parent contact you if your son cannot?

I'm assuming his phone is password protected and unless any of his friends have your contact details, how would they contact you?

I've done this- then sent a message just saying 'Hi, it's Mum, this is my number should you need it on the trip to . Many thanks for taking them.'

No chit chat, no checking in on the day- just information.

This is all I wanted the number for.

It does surprise me that the boy’s parents haven’t asked for my number. As I said, I wouldn’t want responsibility for other people’s underage children without having their contact details, but I assume they’d be voting AIBU on this thread!

OP posts:

titchy · 21/10/2022 21:47

Surely the dad is just doing the driving though, not going in with them and following them around. So no different from them taking themselves there.

ClairyFlare · 21/10/2022 21:47

MrsBeaumaris · 21/10/2022 21:45

I’ve never asked for anyone’s number at secondary. Never had a need to or wanted to.

But this man is going to be in loco parentis for the day, so I think the situation is different.

Show quote history

Is this the first time your child has spent time with their friends and their parents are there?

It gets stranger and stranger

he isn’t acting loco parentis, he is taking them to a theme park.

MistressIggi · 21/10/2022 21:47

ClairyFlare · 21/10/2022 21:40

And I don’t know one parent who would ask for numbers after secondary

tell a lie there is one parent like this in DS’s class, but that child rarely gets invited anywhere so it doesn’t impact anyone much. He isn’t invited due to his overprotective parents, makes the parents supervising hims lives stressful!

Show quote history

Really? parents of 12 year olds don't ask for numbers? I've taken dc's pals to things like climbing walls, water sports etc - I needed to sign disclaimers for them, no chance I'm doing that without permission from the parent, which involves them having my number.
I wouldn't have a teen for a sleepover without being sure the parent agreed either.

JohnsShirt · 21/10/2022 21:49

My Dd moved out at 17, I can't imagine getting friends parents numbers the year before.

ClairyFlare · 21/10/2022 21:51

MistressIggi · 21/10/2022 21:47

Really? parents of 12 year olds don't ask for numbers? I've taken dc's pals to things like climbing walls, water sports etc - I needed to sign disclaimers for them, no chance I'm doing that without permission from the parent, which involves them having my number.
I wouldn't have a teen for a sleepover without being sure the parent agreed either.

Show quote history

Of course not

I’ve had 2 go through secondary and never had this once they started, exchanging numbers is definitely a primary only thing round here, doesn’t seem abnormal either as my SIL has the same at her kids school (different area)

Heck even on here it’s quite common for children once they hit secondary not to need numbers exchanged when going to friends houses, out for trips etc.

Id actively avoid parents who did ask for a number! The one child in my DS’s year that does this has unfortunately led to her child being ostracised as it’s too much hard work dealing with his mum!

Original poster

MrsBeaumaris · 21/10/2022 21:52

ClairyFlare · 21/10/2022 21:47

Is this the first time your child has spent time with their friends and their parents are there?

It gets stranger and stranger

he isn’t acting loco parentis, he is taking them to a theme park.

Show quote history

I have to disagree with you. If he’s driving them there, he’s responsible for them en route. He’s responsible for them on the way home. If for any reason he doesn’t bring DS back, he’s responsible.

I’m not expecting him to go round Alton Towers with them, but if anything happens while they’re there, he would be responsible for dealing with it, for letting the parents know.

So in loco parentis.

OP posts:

IneedcoffeeinanIV · 21/10/2022 21:52

I'd be the same. 16 or not, they still live under your roof so you are of course going to want to know who they are with just in case anything did happen

LubaLuca · 21/10/2022 21:53

In a year or so they'll be driving themselves all over the place. What age will your son be when you stop wanting the number of the person giving a lift?

budgiegirl · 21/10/2022 21:53

If you'd be happy for your child to go with just his mates, and they wouldn't need to have your number, why is it different when they are with a parent?

My teenagers go out all the time, with their mates, to theme parks, cinema, cities etc. None of their friends have my number, and I don't have theirs.

I took my DD16 and 3 of her friends to Alton Towers last summer, it didn't even occur to me to make sure I had her friends parents phone numbers. I did make sure that I had her friends numbers, but more for convenience when in the park.