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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to know who is taking DS to Alton Towers?

144 replies

MrsBeaumaris · 21/10/2022 21:08

DS has been invited to go to Alton Towers with a friend from school to celebrate their birthday. Two other boys are going, and the birthday boy’s dad is taking them. DS is nearly 16, and I don’t know the boys who are going on this trip, or the father who’s doing the driving.

AIBU to want the mobile number of the father so I can message him with my details in case there’s a problem?

I wouldn’t want to take 3 boys I don’t know on a four hour round trip to Alton Towers without having their parents’ contact details but DS thinks I’m being embarrassing and over-protective. I was surprised that one of my friends, who’s pretty sound with grown up sons, has the same opinion, which is why I’d appreciate knowing what you all think.

OP posts:
budgiegirl · 21/10/2022 21:56

I'd be the same. 16 or not, they still live under your roof so you are of course going to want to know who they are with just in case anything did happen

But when does this stop? 17, 18, 25? And why? You worry just the same when they're older.

whatkatydid2013 · 21/10/2022 21:56

I went backpacking round Germany for 4 weeks after I finished my GCSEs when I was 16 staying at a combination of pen friends houses and youth hostels & only spoke to my parents every 2-3 days. I think I’m a bit lax sometimes as I always felt like being allowed to get on with stuff on my own was a positive. I still don’t feel like m you are being smothering though. To look at it from another person’s if I were taking the bunch of 16 year olds I’d probably appreciate having their parents details just in case I did need to contact one of them. Chances of needing to are slim but if you did need to it would probably be pretty urgent.

whatkatydid2013 · 21/10/2022 21:57

*Another perspective - I hate autocorrect

GloriousGlory · 21/10/2022 22:01

Will you be asking for GFs numbers Op?

MrsMorrisey · 21/10/2022 22:01

OP I'd ask for the number too.
YANBU.

ClairyFlare · 21/10/2022 22:03

MrsBeaumaris · 21/10/2022 21:52

I have to disagree with you. If he’s driving them there, he’s responsible for them en route. He’s responsible for them on the way home. If for any reason he doesn’t bring DS back, he’s responsible.

I’m not expecting him to go round Alton Towers with them, but if anything happens while they’re there, he would be responsible for dealing with it, for letting the parents know.

So in loco parentis.

Show quote history

He isn’t responsible for them in a parental fashion for merely driving them from A-B

Would you consider a slightly older friend to be acting loco parentis for just driving your son somewhere?

You didn’t answer but is this the first time your child has gone out with a friend and a parent is there?

Grumpybutfunny · 21/10/2022 22:03

Erm at 16 I would have been more like hey mam off to Alton towers with XYZ any chance of some cash. At 17 I drove me and friends around only had to let them know if I would be home for tea.

Give him a power bank and let them get on with it.

Popfan · 21/10/2022 22:07

I'd want him to have my number and to have his too. I wouldn't take other people's 15 / 16 year olds without contact details.... what if something did happen, as unlikely as that is.

By the way, I'd ignore Clairyflare she's put some pretty horrid answers on another thread tonight, I think she's just stirring.

ClairyFlare · 21/10/2022 22:09

Popfan · 21/10/2022 22:07

I'd want him to have my number and to have his too. I wouldn't take other people's 15 / 16 year olds without contact details.... what if something did happen, as unlikely as that is.

By the way, I'd ignore Clairyflare she's put some pretty horrid answers on another thread tonight, I think she's just stirring.

stirring?

thankfully I’m in the majority based on the vote, and that’s on MN where many parents are extremely over protective

Livpool · 21/10/2022 22:11

He is 16 - you are being ridiculous

Original poster
MrsBeaumaris · 21/10/2022 22:12

Livpool · 21/10/2022 22:11

He is 16 - you are being ridiculous

He’s 15, and I asked if I were being unreasonable. No need to be rude.

OP posts:
FawnFrenchieMum · 21/10/2022 22:16

I’m a pretty relaxed parent but don’t think you’re BU. I took DS15 and his friend to Alton towers in the summer, he asked his friend if he wanted to come and then said to me, this is his mums number,

FawnFrenchieMum · 21/10/2022 22:17

Posted too soon! This is his mums number, can you just confirm the details with her. They went off on their own whilst they were there. I didn’t need to contact the mum but would have been uncomfortable not being able to if anything had happened to her child.

ellieboolou · 21/10/2022 22:26

Is want to know who was taking my 16yo too!
It's called being a responsible parent op you are not unreasonable at all.

bellac11 · 21/10/2022 22:27

I would want the dads number but only just to have some method of contact if there is an issue

However he is not in loco parentis at all, he is simply someone with him for the day, in the same way his mates are, you might have a collection of his mates numbers instead

Weemummykay · 21/10/2022 22:31

MrsBeaumaris · 21/10/2022 21:27

The dad would be responsible for his son’s friends - they’re under 16, after all - which is why I thought it makes sense for him to have my details in case there’s a problem.

I mean it’s not as if I’m demanding to see the dad’s car insurance details and CRB check!

@MrsBeaumaris i think it would be irresponsible for the other parent not to at least have your details. It all well people saying if he has a mobile he can contact u. Not if he has an accident and can’t talk or is left unconscious. Most mobiles have face i.d these days so it’s not like any of his friends could go through his phone to get your details

PrunellaMcTat · 21/10/2022 22:32

Not sure why people are so incensed about this OP!

In answer to your question, no I would not think of asking for a phone number of a parent who is transporting my 16yo. I don't think it's the end of the world if you'd prefer to do so though!

Kids are all different. My eldest (16yo) is very organised and responsible. Her younger brother is less so - I might still be checking in on his plans when he's 16.

Smartiepants79 · 21/10/2022 22:37

My 12 year went on a very similar trip this week. I don’t really know the parents but she stayed at their house and there is no way on earth I’d have let her go without having some contact details for the parents and a confirmation of the arrangements from one of them. She’s going to have be a fair bit older before I’d stop asking for this info.
Under the age of 16 the adult taking them is responsible for them. What if they’re injured or something? I’d want the parents of any child I take with me to know how to contact me.

Original poster
MrsBeaumaris · 21/10/2022 22:38

Smartiepants79 · 21/10/2022 22:37

My 12 year went on a very similar trip this week. I don’t really know the parents but she stayed at their house and there is no way on earth I’d have let her go without having some contact details for the parents and a confirmation of the arrangements from one of them. She’s going to have be a fair bit older before I’d stop asking for this info.
Under the age of 16 the adult taking them is responsible for them. What if they’re injured or something? I’d want the parents of any child I take with me to know how to contact me.

This is exactly how I feel about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsBeaumaris · 21/10/2022 22:48

I’ve spoken to DS, and asked him how he would feel about me sending the dad this message ‘'Hi, it's DS’s mum, this is my number should you need it on the trip. Many thanks for taking him’, which I have shamelessly borrowed from @ForestofD (for which thank you).

He thinks that isn’t embarrassing and is going to ask his friend to send him his dad’s number. I feel much more comfortable about him going now that this is agreed.

OP posts:
Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure · 21/10/2022 23:00

He’s 16... I think you need to loosen the ropes... when I was 16 pretty sure my parents didn’t know half my friends or where I was hanging out or hanging out with. He’s got a phone and I’m sure he’s more than capable of calling if there’s an issue.

Thatiswild · 21/10/2022 23:08

I recently took my 12 year old and a few friends out for the day, picked them up from one parent’s house, have never met the other parents and when I dropped them home 9hr later they didn’t so much as come out to say hi or let their kids in the door, I was really shocked. I made sure the kids checked in regularly since they’ve never met me but the parents weren’t bothered, so let’s agree that we all have different expectations and boundaries for our kids, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong or right.

At 16 I think I’d feel ok with it but I don’t think you have to if you just don’t. I know my husband would have no problem sharing his number with parents of kids he was taking out for the day.

RaRaRaspoutine · 21/10/2022 23:12

I would want to swap contact details with the dad, too. Just in case something happens where your DS can’t use his phone or loses it etc

SleepingStandingUp · 21/10/2022 23:37

Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure · 21/10/2022 23:00

He’s 16... I think you need to loosen the ropes... when I was 16 pretty sure my parents didn’t know half my friends or where I was hanging out or hanging out with. He’s got a phone and I’m sure he’s more than capable of calling if there’s an issue.

Unless he's unconscious and his phone is password protected.

Jenn3112 · 21/10/2022 23:46

SleepingStandingUp · 21/10/2022 23:37

Unless he's unconscious and his phone is password protected.

Show quote history

This is the thing for me... if there was a medical emergency how would any of the other kids or the parent get hold of you? Also I think theme parks are the deepest circle of hell so if something is going to go wrong its inevitably going to go wrong in a theme park. (I worked a few summers in one and it was an interesting experience.)