AIBU to know who is taking DS to Alton Towers?

[MrsBeaumaris]

DS has been invited to go to Alton Towers with a friend from school to celebrate their birthday. Two other boys are going, and the birthday boy’s dad is taking them. DS is nearly 16, and I don’t know the boys who are going on this trip, or the father who’s doing the driving.

AIBU to want the mobile number of the father so I can message him with my details in case there’s a problem?

I wouldn’t want to take 3 boys I don’t know on a four hour round trip to Alton Towers without having their parents’ contact details but DS thinks I’m being embarrassing and over-protective. I was surprised that one of my friends, who’s pretty sound with grown up sons, has the same opinion, which is why I’d appreciate knowing what you all think.

Pay no attention to the people saying YABU. He is still a child @MrsBeaumaris

You absolutely SHOULD have the details of the other boy's parents. Imagine if he doesn't come back when you expect, and you're worried, and you can't get him on his mobile. You call the police - remember he is a CHILD - and they say 'who did he go with?' 'Errrr, sorry officer, I'm fucked if I know....''

Only the most ridiculously irresponsible parents would have no information about who their CHILD is with.

Now I'm wondering whether I was "that mum" recently 🤔 going on some of the replies I may have been.
My son has just started secondary school and wanted to go to football training with one of his new friends one evening.
I said he could go but I would need to hear from the boys parents.

The dad text me and it was all fine. I was letting my child get into a car with a person I don't know, I thought I was being responsible.
I dont think at 16 I'd do the same though.

@MrsBeaumaris

It does surprise me that the boy’s parents haven’t asked for my number. As I said, I wouldn’t want responsibility for other people’s underage children without having their contact details.

Exactly this. Any parent taking someone else's child should want YOUR details too. You should have the boy's dad's contact number, and he should have yours. As you (and several others said,) purely in the case of an emergency/if you can't contact your son when/if he doesn't come home when you expect him.

I cannot BELIEVE some of the responses on here!

I will quite happily be THAT mum/THAT parent, if it means looking out for the welfare of my 15 year old child, rather than not giving a shit who they're with, where they are, or how to contact them. IDGAF what people think. I really REALLY don't.

Totally disagree.
Negligent to not check who an 11 /12 year old is with and meet the other parent if they are going round someone’s house. That’s when they start secondary.
I have a 13 year old and I will still always get the number of the adult if they are off with a friend. If my child looses their phone / it runs out / no signal I like to have a number of a responsible adult in charge.
At 16 I would expect to be less involved but a parent knows their child. If they think knowing the adult in charges number is important, then it’s important. It’s not like she’s saying he can’t go, or asking him to cuddle a teddy all the way up there ffs. No harm in having an emergency contact number just as the school would on a trip.

I absolutely would insist on it. My DS is 14, as are his mates. I like to know the addresses of all his mates he visits too. When the kids arrange things there's always one of us parents messaging the other to check the details. I'm often asked, can xyz's DM/DF have your mobile number, just in case. No problem.

OP, he's still a minor. You are the responsible parent. I'm sure he's capable of telling his mate his DM needs his DF's number and add all the appropriate emoji's to express his distain!

Completely agree. Some kids seem to get to 11 and it’s like parents brush their hands together and exclaim ‘well that’s that then- my jobs done here, go where you like and do what you like’ In reality adolescence is a time when they need you just as much!

A child that could be a parent himself? Is 16 not the age for sexual consent?

Oh and look at that I've managed a whole post without any capital lessons?

Can you still read and understand it?

I think it's fair enough to want to exchange numbers with the parent.

If I was the parent doing the trip, I'd be telling my DC to ask the pal for the parent's number so I could have it for an emergency. I'd also send a short text to the parent to ensure they had my number, if I was taking their DC off for the day. Nothing fancy just "hi, I'm DX's mum, here's my number if you need to get in touch. Even if they were 15.

I'm with you OP.

I would want the parent to have my number for worst case scenarios or if DC phone had run out of charge or something.

I don't see it as helicopter parenting or over protective etc etc etc. it's just sensible to have another persons number when your DC is in a day out just in case.

Not really. Unless any old taxi driver is considered in loco parentis with 16 year old passengers.

When they've moved out, it's more out of sight out of mind. I wouldn't be kicking off about it but just for my own peace of mind I'd at least want to know who they were going with

My daughter is nearly 16 and I get parents phone numbers for things like this and when she stays overnight at a friends house where I don’t know the parents.

When they've moved out, it's more out of sight out of mind. I wouldn't be kicking off about it but just for my own peace of mind I'd at least want to know who they were going with

I get that you would worry about them. I have a 21yo, a 20yo and a 17yo. I'll never stop worrying about them. When they go out , I will ask in passing where they are going, but really, it's none of my business. My eldest has been out this evening, not home yet, but I've no idea where he is or who he's with. It's difficult, I know, but it's unrealistic to expect to know where he is at all times when he's 21!

What on earth does the age of sexual consent have to do with it?

Which DS hasn’t reached yet anyway as he’s still only 15.

Yanbu. I'd want the parents number too.

I've recently had it out with 15yo DD as he wanted sleepover at a mates house who I didn't know. End result, he went just for the evening.

But the dad isn’t a taxi driver. If this were your DS and something happened to him on this trip, would you not expect the dad to take charge and look after him? Contact you? Give the police your number?

I wouldn't necessarily have thought to ask for the father's telephone number.

But if I asked for it and didn't get it? I would start to wonder if they were up to something.

Your son is right. He's nearly 16, not 6.

Can you still read and understand it?

oh the irony he’s 15… can you still read?

I went to Berlin for a month at sixteen, with a friend......
YABU. Your son has a phone, the father is essentially just the chauffeur.

My DS is 16, I'm not sure what I'd do in those circumstances, but a lot of people have pounced on your use of "nearly 16".

Your DS is not 16 - he's 15 - and to me and my friends there is a bit of difference between how DS was treated before he reached 16. I know it's a technicality but at 15 your DS is still technically a child and as such the other DF is in loco parentis.

If however getting the telephone number is going to cause your DS extreme embarrassment, instead I'd say you won't but he needs to ensure his phone has charge all day and message you when leaving the park.

I still insist on a parent's telephone number if DS is staying at a pals - I guess we're relatively lucky though as he's in with a school crowd and I either know or have heard of the other DS before.

@MrsBeaumaris I wouldn't expect a 16 year old to need looking after in a day trip to Alton towers. If your son does he probably shouldn't be going

He's 16, not 6.

It's Alton towers. Hardly opportunity to skip off and go and paint the town red....

As a parent taking other peoples children, even older ones, I’d want contact phone numbers. Simply for in case of emergencies. It’d be awful if a child became unwell or hurt and you could t contact their parents.

min fact when we do trips away (not day trips but weekend trips) with my swim group someone always collects a contact number for every person. Seems sensible.

I wouldn’t want to contact this parent for any reason as the child is 16 and can make contact and arrangements themselves. However I would have thought they’d want a number just in case. it’s not a massive deal though.