when exactly did parents start to feel like their hands were tied and you didn’t have the power to kick their kids out?
I mean I am 30 now however I was kicked out at 16 for something that wasn’t my fault! Im not saying that kicking your kids out for no reason is condoned however in this case, your daughter has given you every reason to not have her at home anymore!
As much as it’s where she lives.. it is NOT her house as that would take her paying the bills and she cannot even pay the small amount you have charged her! As you said, she has already expressed not wanting to be there anyway, so I don’t think she will be respectful anyway since it’s not what she wants.
you said she works full-time and won’t be going to college/uni and on top of that she doesn’t pay you rent or for things in the house like food and such… where exactly does her wage go?
She is no longer a child as you have stated and changed around 15/16.. as much as you don’t think anything has triggered this reaction, you cannot be sure as anything could have happened in her personal life but from the point that change had happened it seemed it hadn’t been addressed.
You need to make a plan, I think you should speak to your partner and come to an agreement on where to go from here. Ideally she needs to leave home, you are not going to be able to change her attitude and behaviour because she doesn’t see how much you are actually doing for her and usually they see it too late.
I’d recommend tightening things at home with her.. make sure she pays that small amount of rent you asked, don’t allow her to wiggle her way out of it because in the real world if she doesn’t pay her rent she would be left with no home. She also needs to cover her food bill.. if she wants specific things on the grocery list, let her get it. You said she already cooks twice a week but to be honest there are 7 days in the week so if you, your husband and your daughter cooked on alternate days there is one day left.. she can half that day with your husband or you.
let her know that as much as she may not like the way things are, she is living under your roof and the rules are made by your husband and you and if she doesn’t like them she can leave as they are not going to change.. If you have any chores that are hers to do make sure it’s done.. don’t let anything slip from this point on because in this country you are a adult at 18, which is when your signature becomes legally binding. You technically don’t have to have her in your household from this point on and not putting your foot down now means you will be having her in your house until she is 25/30 or older with the same entitled attitude.
I do think there are things that need to be addressed with her regarding her behaviour and attitude and why it is even there, however since it was left for a while I don’t think it’s going to get sorted.
sit everyone down and let everyone know what the new rules of the house are, include little things for your younger kids to do also so it isn’t just about her. Let them know you won’t tolerate any more disrespect as you run things not them (make this a general statement, not pointed towards her alone so she doesn’t feel targeted).
If you don’t want to just kick her to the streets then tell her you are going to take her (and her bf) out to look for a new place to stay.. get quotes on rent and match that with her wage and let her see exactly what she will be left with after rent, utilities and food.. if it is doable and she doesn’t mind then get some contracts signed up and should she fail on rent and get kicked out and end up back home out her rent at home up. If she realises at that point that she cannot handle the cost of her own place even with the cheapest place you can find she may just realise how much you are doing for her but nonetheless make her know that if she is to continue staying at your house, she is to follow your simple rules which includes watching her mouth and pay the cheap rent your asking.
Next time she threatens you with the police tell her to call them, don’t fear the police as they are not able to do anything to you, should they come to your house, explain the situation and that you have had enough of her abuse and would like them to do something about it! I can guarantee she wouldn’t try it again.