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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking my manager is hugely insensitive for wearing these things into work?

956 replies

Mandarinthyme · 20/10/2022 21:25

Our department head is very young and glamorous and is fairly new to the company. We know her salary range as it was stated alongside the job advert (a six figure salary whilst the rest of the team are lucky to earn a quarter of that). Every day she swans in to the office like she’s dressed for the catwalk, different designer handbags (the very obvious types - think Gucci, LV etc), Rolex watch, Cartier bracelets, designer belts and shoes. Not to mention the perfect nails, hair and everything else that we just cannot afford these days.

Meanwhile our large team is underpaid and overworked. The recent financial climate means many of us are struggling to heat our homes, worrying about mortgage/rental price hikes and generally having to really cut back. We are all office based and this is something we talk about frequently in conversation, so she’s completely aware of this. She’s previously had the cheek to say that we are all feeling the pinch given the financial situation, which is an absolute insult when she rubs her wealth in our faces 5 days a week.

AIBU in feeling completely incensed by this and wondering how on earth she can think it’s appropriate?! The whole team are upset with this and considering raising it with HR.

OP posts:
echt · 21/10/2022 06:33

As idiotic as the OP's premise is, the gossip is not bullying, unpleasant, beady-eyed and deafening as it is, as the bedizened manager does not know they are doing it. If it comes to her attention, quite another matter.

As for the Loubutins, a teacher acqaintance of mine picked up a pair from a charity shop for $20.

lentilly · 21/10/2022 06:34

echt · 21/10/2022 06:33

As idiotic as the OP's premise is, the gossip is not bullying, unpleasant, beady-eyed and deafening as it is, as the bedizened manager does not know they are doing it. If it comes to her attention, quite another matter.

As for the Loubutins, a teacher acqaintance of mine picked up a pair from a charity shop for $20.

You can't be so sure she doesn't know

echt · 21/10/2022 06:34

Demeaning!!! not deafening. Grin

echt · 21/10/2022 06:35

lentilly · 21/10/2022 06:34

You can't be so sure she doesn't know

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I don't, but I'm responding to the information we have and accusations of bullying being bandied about.

Bonjovispjs · 21/10/2022 06:35

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Arnaquer · 21/10/2022 06:37

My tip OP.
Stop googling what she is wearing and get on with your job.

Sadly a classic AIBU. Flouncing off she told you are.

lentilly · 21/10/2022 06:37

echt · 21/10/2022 06:35

I don't, but I'm responding to the information we have and accusations of bullying being bandied about.

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I bet she does know. She's not stupid

ChagSameachDoreen · 21/10/2022 06:38

"Everyone in the team has a heart of gold, all genuine hardworking lovely people. We are very close knit team and look out for one another, which is why we don’t like to sit back and watch someone come in and cause unnecessary upset."

This is code for "we're a bunch of cliquey gossips who bully anyone we don't like."

FistFullOfRegrets · 21/10/2022 06:42

Mandarinthyme · 20/10/2022 21:33

I suggest reading my post again. Clearly everyone is missing the point entirely. The whole team are upset so I’m not the only one with this opinion

@Mandarinthyme

if everyone is 'missing your point'....

Her Rolex is probably as genuine as your post

Darbs76 · 21/10/2022 06:46

This isn’t something HR would be interested in. Agree it’s not nice flaunting her wealth but perhaps she just likes designer clothes. I don’t think you can do anything about it as she’s entitled to buy clothes with her salary, and it’s not her fault other people earn less than her. It’s called life.

Beezknees · 21/10/2022 06:49

YABU. Rich people wear designer clothes all the time. They look a bit tacky in my opinion but people can spend their money on what they want. You need to get a bit of a grip.

BeeDavis · 21/10/2022 06:49

Mandarinthyme · 20/10/2022 21:36

To wear normal clothes like the rest of us. Many of us are struggling mentally due to the financial strains and she really isn’t helping. She has plenty of time during her spare time to wear her fancy things, they shouldn’t be worn in the workplace

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Fuck off you’re not being serious surely 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

DoloresLandingham · 21/10/2022 06:51

IGoWalkingAfterMidnight · 21/10/2022 06:16

I used to work in a valleys school in a deprived area where the deputy head would clack along the corridors in her Christian Louboutins.

I felt it showed massive insensitivity and a lack of good judgement - and a questionable personal values system that would be reflected in other areas of her professional life.

one of the reasons I no longer work there! These ‘personal’ choices do have an impact. YANBU.

If you hadn’t mentioned the valleys I would wonder if you were one of my former colleagues. I work in deprived schools in a senior role but have very little disposable income as it all goes on childcare. I was given a very pretty tennis bracelet made of cubic zirconia, costing about £100. It was sparkly and apparently very convincing as an amateur sleuth in the staff room Googled ‘diamond bracelets’ and let it be known that I was insensitively wearing a bracelet that cost more than a TA earns in a year. The hostility made my job very difficult for several weeks before I mentioned to someone who pointedly commented on the bracelet that it was a cheap fake. Of course the truth spreads a lot
more slowly than a gossipy lie.

BagpussBagpussOldFatFurryCatpuss · 21/10/2022 06:52

My boss leaves his massive house and drives his massive car to work every day. He wears very expensive suits and has a collection of very expensive shoes and watches… Always well groomed.

He also works ridiculously long hours and is responsible for… everything.
I would not want his job for the world.
I could not do his job.
The man does not switch off.

If he wants to buy himself ‘stuff’ he enjoys having/wearing who am I to complain. Rather him than me!

Darbs76 · 21/10/2022 06:53

I agree that this is bullying and harassment, but not from the boss to the staff. Upwards bullying happens too. People sitting around gossiping about one person is not nice, imagine how she would feel if she heard all of this. In life you’re always going to get people who have more money than you around. Just because we are in a cost of living crisis doesn’t mean someone can’t wear their nice clothes or take their designer bags to work. Report to HR by all means but don’t be surprised if you all find yourselves investigated for your part in this

remoteblanket · 21/10/2022 06:55

accentdusoleil · 20/10/2022 21:46

Do you have a dress code / policy ? As long as she is respecting that , then it's none of your business .

And even if she isn’t compliant with the dress code- the op is not responsible for enforcing it.

Zone2NorthLondon · 21/10/2022 06:56

Maireas · 20/10/2022 23:18

Confiscate the LV bags, make a bonfire of the belts and stand around chanting.

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Superb reply. A bonfire of accessories. A Pyre of Pravda

Maireas · 21/10/2022 06:57

ChagSameachDoreen · 21/10/2022 06:38

"Everyone in the team has a heart of gold, all genuine hardworking lovely people. We are very close knit team and look out for one another, which is why we don’t like to sit back and watch someone come in and cause unnecessary upset."

This is code for "we're a bunch of cliquey gossips who bully anyone we don't like."

In a nutshell. That poor woman.

KweenieBeanz · 21/10/2022 06:57

What I'm interested to know is OP, where do you draw the line? What brands would you tolerate? Radley bags are expensive but not in the league of Chanel etc.... Would that be ok for her to wear? Is LK Bennett permitted or is that still to high end?
You've mentioned handbags and belts but it surprises me you are so sure her clothing is all designer as generally really high end stuff is only very discreetly branded, other than stuff like handbags... Of which there are literally tons of fakes out there? If June in admin comes in proudly toting a fake LV she bought on hol in Turkey would that be ok?
Surely you can see you just can't police this.

BretonBlue · 21/10/2022 06:58

Zone2NorthLondon · 21/10/2022 06:56

Superb reply. A bonfire of accessories. A Pyre of Pravda

Show quote history

A literal bonfire of the vanities.

SleeplessInEngland · 21/10/2022 07:00

Wind-up thread. The OP’s complaint is just too stupid to be believable.

WHEREEL · 21/10/2022 07:02

If you’re soar about your lack of money, instead of spending your time trying to drag others down get your head down and work hard so you can earn more.

My husband was lucky enough to go through a phase like this and would think nothing of spending £5,000 on yet another watch. He’s now earns more but is the main earner for our family and is personal disposable income is tiny. Leave her to enjoy in whilst she can

RedRiverShore2 · 21/10/2022 07:03

Sounds like on here where you can't post about anything nice as people can't afford to feed their children

BadLad · 21/10/2022 07:05

Does she regularly exclaim "We are considerably richer than yow"?

GloriousGlory · 21/10/2022 07:06

Personally I'd spend more time squiring the skills, qualifications etc that this woman has, then you'd be able to apply for a job when a vacancy arises. Or would your close knit team aka bunch of stick in their ways bullies not be happy with that?