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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DP’s ex is too involved?

106 replies

posor91378 · 20/10/2022 20:48

I've been in a relationship with DP for about 6 months, he's recently asked me to move in with him.

He has 3 DC’s with the ex this post is about, 2 adults and a 15 yo. He also has full custody of a 4yo.

He doesn't need contact with his ex the 3 children are old enough to contact DP themselves, however his ex is still involved looking after 4yo and he's not even her children! I get it's nice for her to help him out but she does the school run and takes child on days out with her and her younger children etc.

Aibu in thinking ex is too involved? Would this bother anyone else?

OP posts:

Toomanyclothesinthecloset · 20/10/2022 20:49

No it wouldn't bother me, I think its nice

mynameisbrian · 20/10/2022 20:50

You have been with him 6mths and he has already introduced you to his DC and trying to get you to move in. Seems he has a habit of getting his ladies to parent his DC and now he is wanting you to do the same. I would be slowing things down as there is only
one person too involved quickly and that’s you

tabulahrasa · 20/10/2022 20:51

So basically you want to disrupt a 4 year olds life because you’re not adult enough to cope with him seeing his ex?

beonmywaythen · 20/10/2022 20:54

"A 4yo"? Whose child is it? This is a bit random

forevercooking · 20/10/2022 20:56

I honestly don't understand this nonsense, if they wanted to be together they would. They used to be they would be again, there's really no need to think otherwise. Many people get on well to co parent.

thefirstmrsrochester · 20/10/2022 21:00

I think this has fucked up written all over it.

JustLyra · 20/10/2022 21:04

If you can’t handle how he parents the child then walk away.

No new partner, which is what you are after 6 months, should be sticking their nose into to his arrangements for the child.

tandmoo · 20/10/2022 21:04

Where did the random four year old come from?

"He has three children with his ex, two adults and a fifteen year old"

Does he just go around getting women pregnant?

Luredbyapomegranate · 20/10/2022 21:07

tabulahrasa · 20/10/2022 20:51

So basically you want to disrupt a 4 year olds life because you’re not adult enough to cope with him seeing his ex?

This.

His ex is a mother figure to a child that needs it.

I’m assuming you are very young. 6 months is too early to move it. I also slightly suspect the reason he’s asking you to is for help with childcare.

Leave it a year - don’t disrupt his child’s life or ruin their attachments (they’ve had a rough start). After a year think about whether you are able to accept his family setup - if not, move on.

AintNoThang · 20/10/2022 21:07

It's far far too soon to move in with a man who has a young child.

Revisit the idea in 2 years.

Gh12345 · 20/10/2022 21:07

I think it’s quite lovely to have a good functioning friendship with an ex. Not everything has to be drama in life.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/10/2022 21:08

She sounds a lovely woman!

Original poster

posor91378 · 20/10/2022 21:09

The 4yo’s mum isn't involved, they weren't in a relationship, it was a one night stand.

It wouldn't be disrupting 4yo’s life as she isn't his mum, she's the mum of his half brothers who do see him regularly when they're over.

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/10/2022 21:12

What’s the rush?!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/10/2022 21:12

But yes I also agree far too soon to move in with someone who has children

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/10/2022 21:12

She’s clearly the nearest to a mum this 4 yo has ever had though

ironingboredrefusal · 20/10/2022 21:13

He has kids with two different women. Why would you want to be involved with him? So he has kids with three different women? When will women get some sense?

Dacadactyl · 20/10/2022 21:13

A man with 4 kids by 2 women would have me running for the hills.

PistachioGreenn · 20/10/2022 21:14

posor91378 · 20/10/2022 21:09

The 4yo’s mum isn't involved, they weren't in a relationship, it was a one night stand.

It wouldn't be disrupting 4yo’s life as she isn't his mum, she's the mum of his half brothers who do see him regularly when they're over.

I can’t even be bothered to understand the dynamic and I have my doubts on this post anyway.

Kind of weird for someone to have a one night stand, go through with a pregnancy they don’t want and then hand the baby to the father someone who they don’t know.

Youve also been with him 6 months. Stop being a psycho. You sound too involved.

PicturesOfDogs · 20/10/2022 21:16

posor91378 · 20/10/2022 21:09

The 4yo’s mum isn't involved, they weren't in a relationship, it was a one night stand.

It wouldn't be disrupting 4yo’s life as she isn't his mum, she's the mum of his half brothers who do see him regularly when they're over.

You’re not his mum either, so struggling to see what it’s gone to do with you?
you’re just a new gf, she’s obviously been in his life and is the closest thing to a mum he’s got.
imagine trying to take that away from a child because your jealous after 26 weeks

ClocksGoingBackwards · 20/10/2022 21:16

Yeah I wouldn’t want to get involved in that. There’s a child involved so you need to walk away instead of doing that thing where you complain a lot that it’s not normal and try and change the way a parent does things that are currently working for them.

Livingmybestlifenow · 20/10/2022 21:18

Do you think 6 months into a new relationship, you should be taking over as the 4 year old’s mother? What about his relationship with the women he already knows, who is probably the closest thing to a mother he has?

NotaCoolMum · 20/10/2022 21:18

“It wouldn't be disrupting 4yo’s life as she isn't his mum”

bollocks- it doesn’t matter if she’s his Bio mum or not. She’s the mother figure to him.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 20/10/2022 21:20

It wouldn't be disrupting 4yo’s life as she isn't his mum,

This is a really short sighted and self centred comment. Any change to contact with this woman that the child currently has would be disrupting to him. Obviously. If she’s involved enough that she includes him in her life on family days out and does his school runs, she is going to matter a lot to him.

RedWingBoots · 20/10/2022 21:21

So the child has no mum around and you want to take their mother figure away from them?

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