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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare workers kissing children

101 replies

1Dream · 20/10/2022 12:23

Now not in a weird perverted way but more of a maternal mother figure way do you think this is okay?
My 2 daughters go to a catholic childcare centre (unsure if relevant) here in Australia where it's mainly older ladies that work there.
When my kids go up to their favourite educator for a hug, the educator gives them a big hug and a kiss on the cheek which I think is lovely and sweet of them and it makes me feel good that I'm leaving my children with such caring nice ladies looking after my children.

I mentioned this to my mother in law and she thinks its strange as it's not their child. So who's unreasonable?

OP posts:
FistFullOfRegrets · 20/10/2022 12:26

Your MIL.

trust your own judgement!

liveforsummer · 20/10/2022 12:26

Sounds a lovely environment. I work with young kids though and we'd never be allowed to do this (not would I want to) so I feel a bit conflicted

mynameiscalypso · 20/10/2022 12:28

I found it a bit odd when one of my DS' nursery workers did the same to him. I do wonder if she was told not to by management because it doesn't happen anymore. A high five is the equivalent now.

TeenDivided · 20/10/2022 12:29

If you were in the UK it would probably be against all sorts of safeguarding guidelines.

ofwarren · 20/10/2022 12:29

They shouldn't be kissing children. What happens if the worker is carrying the cold sore virus? My DS ended up in hospital with that as a baby.
I wouldn't send my children to a nursery that did this.

BeanieTeen · 20/10/2022 12:30

I think it’s weird, sorry. Not in a sinister way at all but at the end of the day they are not family and friends, it’s a professional role - and kissing other people’s children is not professional. It’s overstepping.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 20/10/2022 12:32

I’m all for it. I think it’s very sad that teachers are frowned on for giving a child a hug and that nursery workers are frowned on for a peck on the cheek. Children need affection. Your nursery sounds really sweet.

AquaticSewingMachine · 20/10/2022 12:33

Maybe it's just because I was fortunate enough to be able to use a nanny and had the same nanny for many years, but what I wanted for my children in childcare was above all to feel loved and secure, and I'd see the kissing as a natural expression of that that wouldn't bother me at all. My nanny kissed and cuddled my kids all the time and told them how much she loved them, and I loved that.

Anothernameonthewall · 20/10/2022 12:35

I work in early years (have done for a long time). I have on very rare occasions given a child a peck on the top of their head/ cheek. It's only been when it's a child I have known for quite a while and been very involved in the care for. For me, it's more an automatic response or show of affection, not something I've ever done deliberately. Like accidentally calling them my own kids names!

I dont think we're supposed to go round kissing the kiddies we care for willy nilly, but occasionally it does happen. I'd take more as a sign they care about your child and have a bond with them. And not worry too much about it!

KilmordenCastle · 20/10/2022 12:36

I would think this was lovely and it would make me feel like I was leaving my dc in safe, caring hands. I imagine that most childcare providers are not allowed to do that nowadays though.

A couple of years ago I asked my dd (then 5 and in y1) if she gives her teacher a hug when she's upset and she looked at me like I had two heads and said "of course not mummy, covid!“. It made me so sad to think that at 5 years old she couldn't go to someone for comforting affection when at school. Tbf I'm pretty sure that her teacher would have given her a hug if she needed it, she was a lovely woman and a brilliant teacher.

I then asked my ds who was at the preschool if the grown ups gave him cuddles and he said "yes, lots. I like cuddling x the best" so that made me feel better.

Fuckitydoodah · 20/10/2022 12:37

It wouldn't bother me. I can see how a bond would develop over time and how a mothering instinct would make this seem a natural thing to do. I've found myself kissing friends babies/toddlers on the head whilst I've been holding them. It sort of happens automatically and then I check myself and wonder if I shouldn't have ☹.

I imagine nursery workers in the UK aren't allowed to though.

ItsNotReallyChaos · 20/10/2022 12:37

DD had a babysitter as a baby/toddler who she was very close to and they used to kiss each other. I thought this was lovely.

I would have thought it odd at DD's nursery though where the bond wasn't as strong between the kids and the staff but it was a big childcare setting with lots of kids and lots of staff.

If it seems natural to you then I'd be ok with it as long as your DC likes it.

Soubriquet · 20/10/2022 12:37

on the head, in the cheek, I think it’s normal.

on the lips is when I would kick up a fuss

Thehop · 20/10/2022 12:37

If you’re happy and your children are happy then your MIl is wrong.

Wafflesnsniffles · 20/10/2022 12:37

I would never kiss another persons child. Not ever.

DottieCotton · 20/10/2022 12:38

My childminder is affectionate with my son and it's lovely, if you think it's fine then pay no mind to your MIL.

Wingedharpy · 20/10/2022 12:38

I would think the big hug and kiss on the cheek is part of what makes that woman your daughters' "favourite educator".
I would agree with you.....mind you, I am a woman who once kissed the plumber on the cheek as he was leaving having fixed a leak! (He was elderly, plump and not remotely sexy!)

Original poster
1Dream · 20/10/2022 12:38

@PeekabooAtTheZoo @AquaticSewingMachine
Agree with the both of you. One of the younger girls that works at the centre tells my youngest daughter she loves her and gives her lots of cuddles which I think is lovely.

I think for me, it makes me feel comfortable knowing they having a loving environment especially when I'm leaving them from 9-5 for 4 days a week so I can work, so it's nice knowing there are people there caring for them like how I would. 😊

OP posts:
AquaticSewingMachine · 20/10/2022 12:39

BeanieTeen · 20/10/2022 12:30

I think it’s weird, sorry. Not in a sinister way at all but at the end of the day they are not family and friends, it’s a professional role - and kissing other people’s children is not professional. It’s overstepping.

The children don't see it as a "professional role", though. These are the people that care for them, both practically and emotionally. What is the benefit to the children of making that distinction and enforcing physical detachment?

Original poster
1Dream · 20/10/2022 12:42

@Wingedharpy 😂😂 your kiss on his cheek was probably the highlight of his career

OP posts:
melj1213 · 20/10/2022 12:42

In the UK it's seen as weird but DD was born in Spain and did her first few years of education there and it was perfectly normal for a teacher to kiss a child on the cheek or for a child to kiss an adult on the cheek.

But the culture is totally different - "besos" is the Spanish equivalent of a handshake and it's perfectly normal to kiss a cheek as a greeting, as well as Spaniards being far more tactile with physical contact - hugs, touches, gestures, picking the kids up etc in general.

I used to work in a Spanish school and it took a while for me to be comfortable hugging the kids back or giving besos when they ran up to me in the playground, as I had only ever previously been in the UK system where it is drummed into you to never do it.

KilmordenCastle · 20/10/2022 12:44

Wafflesnsniffles · 20/10/2022 12:37

I would never kiss another persons child. Not ever.

What about children that are related to you? Neices/nephews etc?

I always used to give my nieces and nephews kisses on the cheek and forehead when they were little. Not now that they are preteens and teenagers though, way too cringy for them 🤣 I do occasionally get an awkward hug.

PinkButtercups · 20/10/2022 12:44

BeanieTeen · 20/10/2022 12:30

I think it’s weird, sorry. Not in a sinister way at all but at the end of the day they are not family and friends, it’s a professional role - and kissing other people’s children is not professional. It’s overstepping.

This. I find it odd and gross.

Original poster
1Dream · 20/10/2022 12:46

My kids have only started going to this centre since May and they gave formed such lovely bonds with these ladies and my youngest was clingy so i feel they have brought her out of her shell.
I took them out of a centre where it was a revolving door of workers and them not interacting much with other children so it was refreshing to come to this centre.

I just wanted to know what others thought as I dont mind and will never tell the ladies to stop kissing or hugging them, so glad to know some people don't mind 🙂

OP posts:
RedWingBoots · 20/10/2022 12:47

OP if you don't mind then ignore your MIL. She isn't any of your children's parent.