Childcare workers kissing children

[1Dream]

Now not in a weird perverted way but more of a maternal mother figure way do you think this is okay?
My 2 daughters go to a catholic childcare centre (unsure if relevant) here in Australia where it's mainly older ladies that work there.
When my kids go up to their favourite educator for a hug, the educator gives them a big hug and a kiss on the cheek which I think is lovely and sweet of them and it makes me feel good that I'm leaving my children with such caring nice ladies looking after my children.

I mentioned this to my mother in law and she thinks its strange as it's not their child. So who's unreasonable?

I wouldn't mind this in itself, your gut seems to be telling you it's all very caring and innocently meant and is a really nurturing environment for your little one. I would however question the safeguarding policies they have in place and would probably want to see a copy of them. Purely because I work a lot with safeguarding and I know how things can get misinterpreted and quickly make a child feel unsafe (or backfire on the staff) or if you have a cultural norm of affection etc then it's easier exploited by people with bad intentions. Also this approach might not work well for all children depending on their past experiences. So I think it's hard to find a good balance that builds up the child and is comforting to them, but also keeps them safe? I equally wouldn't be happy leaving my little one somewhere that if they were upset and crying staff would refuse to hug or comfort them so it's a really tricky balance... I'd say I'd be happy enough as long as you feel their safeguarding mechanisms are thorough and the culture there is good.

I've always worked in Special Ed and have cuddled lots of children over the years... when they needed a hug (sad, fallen over, whatever) because it's the natural response to a child needing comfort , rather than just handing them a damp paper towel for their graze! I don't kiss the kids though.

After a Covid gap I had a child come to school for the first time in a couple of months and literally run into my arms from his Mum's... she was just happy that he was happy to be back and that he felt safe with me.

I think its very sad that some people think that touch is completely inapproriate under any circumstances! I have to change nappies, do personal care, surely if I am trusted to do that I can be trusted to give the odd hug if it's needed?

Incidentally for older pupils (towards the end of primary, and secondary) we have a 'side hug' actually prescribed as a safe-guarding safe measure of comfort.. arm round shoulders quick squeeze... this protects both the male and female TAs and teachers as there is no 'front on' contact, but still acknowledges that the pupil needs physical contact.

Some children get very little comfort at home and for those, affection at school, their safe place, is even more important .

My daughter goes to a little rural nursery, oftentimes when I hand her over and she has a wobble, the person holding her will give her a little peck on the head as we say goodbye. It's honestly never occurred to me to care.

I'm leaving her alone with people for 7 hours. The closer that can be to the comfort of home, the better.

Did you kiss them?
This post is about kissing. A big difference between kissing and giving a hug.

It's called talking around a subject. It's quite normal on a forum.

As has been said - your child doesn't realise they're being left with a 'professional' who shouldn't get too close to them.
As far as the child is concerned, the childminder/nanny/nursery nurse is a kind lady who loves them and cares for them just as mummy, auntie or granny would.

Lots of different opinions which I respect.
I wouldn't think children think its a job to look afrer them, more so they have a grandma figure or an aunty figure to care about them. So knowing how comfortable my children feel around them makes me feel comfortable, especially with my youngest as previously mentioned, she was a very clingy baby and used to cry a lot but she has found the ladies who make her feel safe and comfortable and doesn't cry which makes me feel a bit better as I'm leaving them at the centre for 8 hours.
Plus when I go up to their minder and ask how they have been and they actually tell you how they were whether it's good or bad so it's the attention to detail and the caring factor and also the fact they also know my name and speak to me as if im their friend which is an added bonus.

Everyone see’s thing’s differently and that’s okay. What do I mean by what I said… a professional kissing a child in their care - would be raised as a safeguarding issue in the schools I have come into contact with - as you’re most senior person for safeguarding within a school that would obviously be up to you to deal with/dismiss at your discretion. You don’t have to go off the deep end.

A different spin on it - but I’m a nurse and it would be a breach of my professional code of conduct to kiss a patient. It would be raised with safeguarding.

Safeguarding aside.. it’s just not hygienic for a teacher to be kissing a child.

And that is why adults need to really think Bout their behaviour and what that means for the child as children are vulnerable and adults need to be clear about their boundaries their role

And that doesn't mean no comfort or hugs but it does mean everyone needs to be mindful and consider their own motivation (which might not be sinister but still might be about them )

Why is a chef kissing all the children as noted in previous post.

I work in a childcare setting in the UK and it wouldn’t be deemed acceptable to kiss a child, I certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it.

However, the context you describe doesn’t sound inappropriate so I personally wouldn’t worry about it if your child is happy. Children of that age benefit from physical reassurance from the caring adult so lots of cuddles, being picked up etc helps with the separation from home. We give lots of hugs and continued to do so throughout the pandemic because it’s important that the children feel comforted and cared for. It sounds like they have a positive bond with their children.

I am a primary school teacher and would never kiss a child. I do regularly hug children though but only ever if initiated by the child for example or if they are upset or hurt I would ask them if they need a hug.

My 4 children have all went through the same service. My oldest is 12 and youngest is now 2. The staff have been our lives for 11years and my 2 youngest are greeted with hugs and kisses on arrival every morning by the front of house staff. My youngest daughter is very cuddly and hugs and kisses her "teachers" also. I think its lovely that those we trust with our children every day have a love for them like they were a part of their family rather than cold and standoffish

@Mummyof4Ireland yes it's refreshing to see people who actually care about the children rather than just another job like their previous centre. One of their minders is so lovely too that she has even done some baby sitting for me on 2 occasions so definitely more like a family member

I have worked in numerous private nurseries in Scotland working with under 3s and kisses on the head/cheek has never been an issue. I've had children try to kiss me on the lips but always turn so they get my cheek - I consider that an inappropriate kiss outside the family.

I find this topic really interesting.

As a wider topic - I find it hard to reconcile the idea that we are entitled to kiss/touch other people's babies (or rather, if a mother shows any discomfort with this she risks being seen as precious or uptight), with the fact that I will need to teach my son the importance of bodily consent when he is older, particularly as he enters his teenage years. The two things just seem at odds with each other.

That said, I wouldn't have an issue with nursery workers hugging my baby when he attends next year, provided he is comfortable with it. Kissing? I'm not so sure, but unless something felt 'off' I don't think it would bother me in reality.

For me it would be a non issue. My boy attends nursery and I wouldn't bat an eyelid if one of his workers kissed him on the head. On the mouth would be inappropriate imo. My boy is new to nursery and just the other day he was feeling a little clingy, when I handed him over he gave the worker a huge cuddle and was snuggling in. She cuddled him while I was signing him in. I left walked back to the car then drove up passed the window and could see she was still cuddling him. It honestly made my heart burst as she wasn't just doing it because I was there, she new that was what he needed at that time💙

It honestly made my heart burst as she wasn't just doing it because I was there, she new that was what he needed at that time💙

This is lovely.

Unrealistic, yes! It’s instinctual, I think.

I felt very guilty a few weeks ago about having to leave DC3 when he was unwell, so I could go to work. I also felt guilty for exposing our nanny to his germs. I told our nanny: “I’m terrified you’ll get sick and it will be our fault. Thank you SO much for agreeing to help today, but please, wash your hands loads and don’t give the baby any kisses.”

Usually our nanny is painfully shy, but she squared right up to me and said “handwashing, yes. But no kisses - that’s not realistic if I’m spending the whole day with my sweet little boy. Impossible. Please take back that guidance.” I laughed very hard, and felt so much more confident heading out to work that my DC was in the capable hands of someone who truly cares for him.

Massive safeguarding concern!!! Big big red flags!

@Moomieboo I wouldn't consider it a "big big red flag" at all.
My 5 year old actually does jiu jitsu and has all male instructors so is needing to practice with them. All of the male instructors are very nice and they definitely don't hesitate to interact with my daughter or any other child in their classes.

@Mrsmch123 that's lovely! Same at this centre they don't just put the child back on the ground when you turn your back they actually comfort them first.

I think it’s lovely.

Hey my daughter went to nursery in London and on several occasions the childcare workers kissed her on her cheek This was only 4 years ago!
Another child care worker kissed my friends daughter on her forehead two weeks ago
Both occasions it was done with genuine affection I said nothing but I did think it was a bit weird, I don’t think there are any rules around this or are they? I guess if you don’t like it just say so