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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare workers kissing children

101 replies

1Dream · 20/10/2022 12:23

Now not in a weird perverted way but more of a maternal mother figure way do you think this is okay?
My 2 daughters go to a catholic childcare centre (unsure if relevant) here in Australia where it's mainly older ladies that work there.
When my kids go up to their favourite educator for a hug, the educator gives them a big hug and a kiss on the cheek which I think is lovely and sweet of them and it makes me feel good that I'm leaving my children with such caring nice ladies looking after my children.

I mentioned this to my mother in law and she thinks its strange as it's not their child. So who's unreasonable?

OP posts:
JenniferBarkley · 20/10/2022 12:49

It wouldn't bother me - surely it's the most natural thing in the world when cuddling a baby or small child to give them a peck on the top of their heads. My DC are FT at nursery, core staff know them well and genuinely care for them.

comfyshoes2022 · 20/10/2022 12:50

Doesn’t seem weird to me. I have a nanny so it’s a little bit different, and I would be sad if she didn’t hug and cuddle with my child. I think kids can get really close to their key people at nurseries, too. It’s so important imo that they have a loving relationship with their primary caregivers.

Mochacino · 20/10/2022 12:51

1Dream · 20/10/2022 12:46

My kids have only started going to this centre since May and they gave formed such lovely bonds with these ladies and my youngest was clingy so i feel they have brought her out of her shell.
I took them out of a centre where it was a revolving door of workers and them not interacting much with other children so it was refreshing to come to this centre.

I just wanted to know what others thought as I dont mind and will never tell the ladies to stop kissing or hugging them, so glad to know some people don't mind 🙂

I think that’s lovely. Children deserve to be in an environment where they feel welcome and secure. This place sounds very home from home for them.

Abracadabra12345 · 20/10/2022 12:52

AquaticSewingMachine · 20/10/2022 12:39

The children don't see it as a "professional role", though. These are the people that care for them, both practically and emotionally. What is the benefit to the children of making that distinction and enforcing physical detachment?

Show quote history

I agree! My preschool have such loving, affectionate staff and the kids get cuddles and kisses on the cheek or top of their heads, not all the time of course but if they’re tired or feeling wobbly

ChagSameachDoreen · 20/10/2022 12:53

Hugs - yay.

Kisses - nay.

beonmywaythen · 20/10/2022 12:53

On the mouth? Weird. On the head/forehead I think it's nice

Untitledsquatboulder · 20/10/2022 12:54

Long as the children are happy with it, it's fine. I've seen videos of primary schools in the far East where the children get to choose how they and their teacher greet in the mornings or say goodbye after school - so hug, namaste, high five etc. Each child chooses and the teacher reciprocates. It was really sweet.

Michellebops · 20/10/2022 12:55

My daughter and childminder hug and kiss on the cheek. I do not find it weird and think it's sweet as they have a great bond.

I would stop telling mother in law things.

My mother in law found it strange that a mum came up to me on holiday and was visibly upset and asked if I could spare a nappy as they were on the beach and her daughter had used all the nappies she had taken with her due to an unexpected couple off poonamis. Of course I was happy to give the mum some to help her out but my mil was annoyed that someone would ask a stranger 🤦🏼‍♀️

qpmz · 20/10/2022 13:00

BeanieTeen · 20/10/2022 12:30

I think it’s weird, sorry. Not in a sinister way at all but at the end of the day they are not family and friends, it’s a professional role - and kissing other people’s children is not professional. It’s overstepping.

But they're taking the role of family and friends. They often spend more time with them than we do as parents! Kids don't understand professional v leisure time and I think they need to be shown affection and comfort (in a trusted environment) as much as possible.

Riapia · 20/10/2022 13:01

Would anybody feel OK if the person kissing the child was male.

ofwarren · 20/10/2022 13:02

ChagSameachDoreen · 20/10/2022 12:53

Hugs - yay.

Kisses - nay.

I agree with this

shotoftequila · 20/10/2022 13:03

I would be absolutely fine with this if it were my child. I think it's lovely and natural. I do youth work and our training says we aren't even allowed to hug a child who has hurt themselves. That is difficult as it is just my natural instinct. I kind of do a side hug and rub their back etc. So sad that kids can't be hugged/kissed without other judging it as something else. Of course there are bastards out there who are predatory and cannot be trusted but the majority of us aren't predators and can be trusted so it's a shame this is how the world is now but I can also understand it.

Original poster
1Dream · 20/10/2022 13:04

@Michellebops my mil is actually a great lady. I didn't mean for this post to sound like a typical mil hate post.

I wouldnt think its weird in fact I had a very embarrassed mother come up to me at the beach asking if she can use our sun screen for her and her daughter because she forgot hers. And if anyone has ever been to Australia then you would know how quickly you can burn here! We all forget things or go out in a rush this so I didn't mind nor was there any judgement! So that's very nice of you.

OP posts:
followacrowforacrust · 20/10/2022 13:13

I think it is lovely. It's a home from home environment and kids need to be loved, comforted, and nurtured. Anyone seeing a kiss on the top of the head or on the cheek to a child who needs a a bit of comforting when Mum and Dad are not there as weird is a weirdo themselves.

Oysterbabe · 20/10/2022 13:16

I think it's nice. I witnessed a worker at DS's nursery kiss a little boy on the head while he was cuddled on her lap looking at a book. It was a lovely and natural show of affection and definitely something I would want from someone caring for my child.

missymousey · 20/10/2022 13:23

I think it's perfect. My DD goes to a preschool like this, where the staff give lots of cuddles and I presume would also give them a kiss on the cheek or head. It's a small place and they really know the children in their care, and I would even say they love them in a way. The children certainly love the staff.

missymousey · 20/10/2022 13:28

Riapia · 20/10/2022 13:01

Would anybody feel OK if the person kissing the child was male.

Pretty sure I would be happy with that too, yes. DD expects cuddles and kisses from dad, grandad, uncle. It would be weird if another care giver she developed an attachment to could not provide the same care, just because he/she was paid for his/her time.

LM20 · 20/10/2022 13:31

I’m in the UK. My DD4 gets cuddles and a kiss on the cheek at nursery - she has been going for 2 years and think the staff are her family! If she’s upset, they console her. If she just needs a cuddle, they console her. If she’s done something good, they celebrate and give her a cuddle…

Cait33 · 20/10/2022 13:31

They gave lots of physical affection in my DS nursery too, including kisses (on the cheek or top of the head as a very natural and nurturing kind of thing). At 18/24 months my DS was unwell a lot with constipation and once spent the entire weekend crying for his favourite nursery worker 🙈 - she apparently would rock him and rub his tummy when it hurt. It made me a little sad but also incredibly glad that he had such lovely people looking after him and doing at least as good a job as I would (in this case, better apparently!)

Notanotherwindow · 20/10/2022 13:41

I used to kiss and cuddle the little girl I babysat all the time. I didn't her brother as he was 8 when I met him and far too cool for hugs but the little girl, I did.

LindseyHoyleSpeaks · 20/10/2022 13:57

It’s a safeguarding issue. I’ve seen someone lose their job (UK) for doing this. Also - who wants cold sores and the like to spread? Grim.

TwitTw00 · 20/10/2022 14:00

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 20/10/2022 12:32

I’m all for it. I think it’s very sad that teachers are frowned on for giving a child a hug and that nursery workers are frowned on for a peck on the cheek. Children need affection. Your nursery sounds really sweet.

I think teachers not giving kids hugs is a bit of a myth. I've never worked in a school where hugging wasn't allowed. Some children in my class hug me every single day.

Wafflesnsniffles · 20/10/2022 19:13

KilmordenCastle
Not without permission no. I just wouldnt. In the same way that I wouldnt want other people sharing their germs with my kiddos (who are actually grown up now)

girlmom21 · 20/10/2022 19:33

I think it's lovely. I wouldn't have an issue with it at all.

Those who are saying it wouldn't be allowed in the UK, childcare workers have kissed and hugged my children. It'd be a bit weird if they were allowed to change their bums but not show affection

Doingmybest12 · 20/10/2022 19:42

I think this is something the staff group should be talking about to decide on work place culture. I would not be happy about workers telling my child they loved them, I wouldn't want my children being kissed . It doesn't seem necessary, workers can show affection and care without doing this.