Give advice to the poster above you, wrong answers only

[TerfQueen]

Inspired by so many posts here lately where the replies are utterly batshit and wildly presumptive, give the poster above your terrible advice!

Extra bonus points if you can turn their question / AIBU into a personal attack, whilst deriving totally speculative presumptions from the little they’ve wrote.

I’ll go first.

My next door neighbour would like to plant some flowers along our boundary line, AIBU to let him plant the flowers? Husband says he prefers the neat lawn without flowers along the edging

What did your MIL eat for breakfast in 1997 and was it delicious. I'm getting rather bored of my foraged diet and fancy something a bit different and tasty. If I see another wizened bilberry I may have the screaming ab-dabs. I can tell you that porridge made with dried and ground up hop leaves is not very nice at all either

I see how I caused you to be confused, sorry, there is no GP, it's all GM (Grumpy man).
This is not an hallucination, I can send proof. Oh, he's feeding his chickens now. He really is quite good looking.
How's Somerset at this time of year? How are the men there? I've done most of South America, maybe a change of scene is what I need.

@Limosella are you able to travel? I can put you in touch with my ex, I need to get him off my hair and you sound like his kinda gal, spunky and wild. His Italian mother cooks all the meals, it's nice, if a little fattening. It might be just what you need? Never been to Wales but I'm sure Caracas has better weather. Let me know if you are interested.

@FuturistikIt wasn't Amy, because I saw her earlier today.

The answer is always Rwanda. Keep up hun xx

I have a troupe of performing canaries rescued from 'down pit'. I would be very loathe to leave them. They're sweet little things and their chirped renditions of Bread of Heaven and Land of my Fathers are very popular and have reduced many an ex-miner to tears.

It's a cold 'un tonight on the mountain, frost is lying thick on the Twmp. I may have to break out my woolly winter drawers soon.

Why not eat your lunch in the conservatory or orangerie instead? Or could you convert part of the billiards room into a cosy dining area?

You have my sympathy, OP. Your MIL sounds really toxic and controlling. I hope you're not letting her have any unsupervised contact with yiur DCs

No worries, I get it, I'll call with my old friend Candida Bactrim Levaquin, she's always ready for an adventure.
Your little birds sound absolutely charming, what are their names?

Hope the moths didn't get to your wollies, OP. I couldn't cope with all that, I always sleep au naturel on banana leaves.

Rtft MIL is long dead and you're giving advice to a lunatic.

Where was she & what was she doing?

I hope you logged it with 101 immediately?

My current canary troupe are Blodwyn, Bryn, Dai and Ifor. I had Gwynneth until recently but she was taken and eaten by a passing red kite. Nature in the raw, circle of life and all that.

Hurrumph stealth boasting about banana leaves when all some of us have is mattresses stuffed with heather and thistle leaves. Speaking of which any tips on easy removal of thistle spines from the nether regions?

Such lovely, evocative names!@Limosella As for the thistle spines, surely you could train Blodwyn, Bryn, Dai and Ifor to pick them out for you?
The mental picture is a little disturbing but necessity is the mother of ingenuity, is it not?
So sorry about Gwynneth

Circling back to Moi, I feel really shocked and saddened at the invalidation of my experiences on here! Not very supportive, is it? Should I make a move on the GM or should await for rescue and take a chance in Somerset?

A good plan Isthisforeal. Canary beaks are long and thin so should reach every little crease and cranny.

Re GM, a skirt made of banana leaves could be a good outfit to wear when attracting his attention. The Somerset levels are very wet and flat this time of year. You risk trench foot if you choose to live there. Good for cranberries to eat though and cotton grass can be woven into a multitude of delightful outfits

@Limosella TMI I'm afraid, but good luck all the same.

re. GM: thanks for the suggestion, I was thinking, instead of the leaves, maybe just the bananas?

@Somerset sounds rough.

Doesn't anyone want some good old fashioned bonker advice anymore?
Where is everybody?
@1000yellowdaisies @AdoraBell @AnApparitionQuipped @Arnies @Asking22 @TerfQueen @1000yellowdaisies @2ndMrsdeWinter @BEAM123 @Batiqueattic @BigUpAllOfUshereOnMN @Birdy1066 @Bubblepunk @ChazsBrilliantAttitude @DebussytoaDiscoBeat @GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok @nzborn @multicolouredblouse @iklboo @fruitbrewhaha @bigbushes etc.

@Limosella Any tips on how to remove woad stains from the skin?

Cheesegrater, obviously 🙄

Ah yes, Josephine Baker. Now she was a wild sort. How is your dancing and singing? I'm sure GM will go mad with desire for you

Who are all these people mentioned? Have I found a MN inner gang? How very exciting, I've read about those on MN but thought they had been stamped out. Are you the Reddit crew maybe?

@Limosella I can't even understand how reddit works or find anything on it so, no.
Just missing the fun of 1/2 weeks ago, so, what I did is I typed @ then @a, then @b to tag everyone that was coming up, every poster that has played on this thread. Obviously I got bored at the second letter of the alphabet and gave up. Plus not sure we are 'allowed'.
You've hurt my feelings.

You’ve hurt MY feelings. Do you often discriminate against the posters whose names start with ‘W’? I actually identify as an ‘A’ name. This is literal violence. 😛

Can anyone recommend a good therapist?

And here was I thinking I had finally found the famed MumsNet royalty people write about. I was busy googling coronets ready for my investiture or whatever it's called. There have been references made to Swishy Haired Kate. Are you she Isthisforeal

You need the skills of Futuristik she practises a tough love sort of therapy I understand

Hun, I have Covid OK and trying to keep my shit together.

But since you asked, I have a recurring unruly hair on my chin. WTF should I do, I'm too young for this shit 😩

Feelings are impulses for inferior beings who have not yet mastered the Thread of Life and the supreme knowledge that one is always Alone.

Over the course of my life I have been many things to many people. An insightful and empathetic psychiatric professional, a caring and inspirational plastic surgeon, a brilliant, daring and nuanced Amazon Relic Discoverer, a wise and rich leader of a Discussion Group, and much more, as a rich tapestry of talent, tact and transformation.

But now I have taken the stunning and brave step of declaring that I have never been a human at all, and to declare ourselves by our human labels and titles is no more than deceiving ourselves and the little ones we are called on to protect and nurture.

I now identify as a shimmering sparkle on the rays of the infinite. I am but a tiny fractal, so seemingly insignificant but the building block of the Universe.

Inside you, I see much more Capability than identifying with the letter W. You're right, the actions against you were Literal Violence but now you are safe and protected from ignorance in all its forms.

I will not ask you for money because India where I now reside has a richness and abundance of Abundance and Richness. I am far beyond money, which does not exist. However, as you reach inside your soul you must also delve into the depths of your wallet, which signifies illusion, and give it all to me. Money is illusion. Give me all your illusion and I shall enlighten you.

Your deep desire for an A name signifies you want me to rename you. Consider the following and see which resonates in the pits of your wallet and soul:

• Atom
• Atari
• Avarice (ironically self flagellating)
• Air
• Alpha

Namaste 🙏
Shimmering Sparkle