Give advice to the poster above you, wrong answers only

[TerfQueen]

Inspired by so many posts here lately where the replies are utterly batshit and wildly presumptive, give the poster above your terrible advice!

Extra bonus points if you can turn their question / AIBU into a personal attack, whilst deriving totally speculative presumptions from the little they’ve wrote.

I’ll go first.

My next door neighbour would like to plant some flowers along our boundary line, AIBU to let him plant the flowers? Husband says he prefers the neat lawn without flowers along the edging

@Futuristik Bin him. Mastering iambic pentameter is a massive red flag!

@Friday123 gawd, is it? Does that mean because I couldn't master it I'm not toxic?

Henry and Harriet as names for twins? Is this a reverse?

Iambic pentameter, do you cook that in a slow cooker? For how long?

This has been deleted by MNHQ as it's the evil and dastardly work of a previously banned poster.

Thanks so much for suggesting I go to HR with my dossier on this harridan Obviously when they understood my nature they immediately stripped colleague of all her assets and have sent her to live in a hermitage in the wettest part of Wales to think about what she's done. The fur wall men are also here now, they have special soft noiseless hammers which is much appreciated.

However I will have to report your post and have you sent to prison for presuming to understand my Condition. "the normal working environment feelings like waterboarding with Steps "Tragedy" at full volume on repeat" - how dare you? No normal insensitive pleb can understand that it feels like having electrodes shoved up my nostrils while listening to a Phil Collins megamix AND having Alan Carr smear cat sick on the soles of my feet

A man is here to post his view, that red flags are all over YOU.

Don't tell me that's the wrong number of beats, you're just a silly woman who can't count.

@GoldenCupidon However I will have to report your post and have you sent to prison for presuming to understand my Condition. "the normal working environment feelings like waterboarding with Steps "Tragedy" at full volume on repeat" - how dare you? No normal insensitive pleb can understand that it feels like having electrodes shoved up my nostrils while listening to a Phil Collins megamix AND having Alan Carr smear cat sick on the soles of my feet

Erm sorry but I think you'll find I'm one of the best intersectionality allies who has ever lived. I have offered you nothing but kindness, deep empathy, and fur-lined work adjustments. I think you need to work on being a better ally to allies, and it is not my job to educate you on that.

Oh, and BTW, Phil Collins is incredible. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Oh, and BTW, Phil Collins is incredible. Put that in your pipe and smoke it

How dare you recommend smoking around children. MN is such a moral vacuum. I blindfold my DC when we are outside so the never catch sight of a cigarette.

Should all smokers be rounded up and moved to the Isle of Wight?

Should all smokers be rounded up and moved to the Isle of Wight?

Nah, Wales would be better, Barry Island maybe. They all smoke in Wales. Those Welsh costume hats are really small chimneys

I hear Rwanda is very nice.

Typical MN feminazis, can't stop banging on about Rwanda just because it has the highest proportion of female MPs in the world.

Can anyone here give me some legal advice ? All these posts about smoking failed to have a trigger warning and have really badly affected me. When I started smoking fags were under a quid for 20, and we were raised as children on a diet of sweet cigarettes and liquorice pipes. I managed to quit smoking in 1992 after a Zen retreat enlightened me and they’d confiscated by John Player Specials at the airport.
HOWEVER these callous and thoughtless posts mentioning my addiction have had catastrophic consequences. I was forced to crawl on my hands and knees to the local newsagent desperately trying to fight my demons but I failed. And worse was to come - cigarettes are now so expensive I was forced to have sex three times against an outer of Pot Noodles in the storeroom in exchange for only ten B & H.
Do any of you legal experts out there know if I can take action against Mumsnet or Mark Zukkerfish for this awful series of events ? Please help.
Also I fainted in the kitchen opening a packet of oven chips because the wrapper was on so tightly. Do you think I could sue McCains ?
And yes - they were the crinkly cut ones.

the thing to do is to lose weight, if you lose half your body weight you'll only need to smoke half as much AND you'll be able to trade your (much worthier) body for more cigarettes. Therefore you'll get 20 fags per shags which would last you as long as 40 do now.

Note. If you already weigh less than a toddler you should probably only lose 25% of your body weight

@Birdy1066 listen since they dont sell cigarettes by 10s anymore I don't believe a word of your story. UNLESS they opened a pack of 20 to give you 10 in which case you could get them arrested and shut down as selling loose cigarettes is not allowed. The bastards probably have MULTIPACK NOT FOR RESALE all over their Maltesers and crisps and therefore them accepting sex as currency is really going to be the least of their legal troubles. Once you get involved. Retrain as a hotshot lawyer and you can smoke all the cigarettes you like. Is the shop in Rwanda, by any chance?

@GoldenCupidon oh great master Man. Please elaborate on the red flags you've seen in my OP? 😢

So much internalised misogyny on display on this thread.

I mean, I'm not 100% sure what that means, but I'm sure there is.

Futuristik thank you for your legal advice. No not in Rwanda, it was Cirencester.

And yes - they were loosies. I think they could be fake B&H as the pack was printed in both Russian and Chinese with the only recognisable picture being a diseased lung and a skull and crossbones above a photograph of Liz Truss.
AIBU to think I might have caught Covid from these ciggies despite having my polio vaccination at 6 ?

@Birdy1066 I think BoJo flooded the market with these as a black magic campaign I.e. when people smoke them, Liz Truss loses a bit of power each time. YABU to think you've caught Covid as BoJo made it up as a control tactic to kickstart his plan into becoming Dictator for Life. If you smoked the cigarettes you're partially responsible. Hope you're happy with yourself. You could now report the shop to the Anti Terrorism department of MI5, if they've not been bought off by Boris already. As well as Trading Standards, and perhaps Martin Lewis? A sad situation all round, really.

I think Cirencester has only brought you bad luck. Consider packing up and starting a new life somewhere with a little cottage and a small yappy dog. I hear Rwanda is nice.

I know, absolutely staggering!
So misogynistic, completely obvious to us enlightened ones. Too obvious to explain really. Anyway, the fight goes on.

Well your husband is clearly a cuck, what real man loves a neat edge. That's just for a start. My wife goes wild for me when I tear up the wrapping paper with my teeth at christmas.

It’s because of Brexit.

@Ericaequites I think you should look at the Stately Homes thread - lots of advice on how to deal with this. That behaviour isn’t acceptable, regardless of the fact he’s your father; you need to go NC.

My parents passed in 2018. I’d give anything to have another hour with them.