Give advice to the poster above you, wrong answers only

[TerfQueen]

Inspired by so many posts here lately where the replies are utterly batshit and wildly presumptive, give the poster above your terrible advice!

Extra bonus points if you can turn their question / AIBU into a personal attack, whilst deriving totally speculative presumptions from the little they’ve wrote.

I’ll go first.

My next door neighbour would like to plant some flowers along our boundary line, AIBU to let him plant the flowers? Husband says he prefers the neat lawn without flowers along the edging

I mean, where to start? Maybe if you got a job and don’t spend all day staring out your windows you could afford food? That being said, I do understand where you’re coming from. It’s plainly rude that they are parading their weekly shop to you in broad daylight, marching their shopping bags past your window, they probably smirk whilst they’re doing it (I have a diploma from learn direct in level 1 body language so I know what I’m talking about thanks) if I were you, I’d wait for them to get the bags in (but not time to unpack them) then run around to theirs screaming there’s a gas leak and they need to get out, point them in the direction of the local community centre say to wait there and help is coming. Once they’re gone, sneak in and pee all over the shopping then leave. Once they realise it’s been a rouse and return home, they’ll smell your scent on the shopping and know it’s been messed with, rejecting it much like a mother bunny fucks her baby bunnies out the warren if they’ve been handled by humans. You then collect the shipping and return home victorious and with free food. You’ve now asserted your dominance, but to maintain the power you will have to dedicate a lot of time to staring at them through your windows, maintain eye contact.

Easy, LTB, no women should have to put up with a measly £25000 salary. Everyone knows that minimum wage is something like £100000 or near enough!

Jesus i missed that part, 25k? How tf do you afford the Waitrose essential edible salad flowers? This is awful. Can you set up a go fund me?

AP (all posters) I have reported you to MNHQ - absolutely grim the lot of you <- not envy

As not to drip feed, my husband had the opportunity to retrain and earn 5 times more but was worried that he would be too alluring to other women on that salary

NB. I told my husband that on a higher salary, he would be too alluring to women

Same happened to me, once DH hit £30k a year old Big Tits was on the scene right away, says she didn’t take the £75 a month but there’s now another thread about some boss in an office walking around in Gucci and versace, coincidence much?!

u ok hun? Read your last thread and know ur having a hard tym, we r here 4 u ok? 💐

Thanks Hun. Just all a bit close to home RN IYKNWIM what with the PTSD (dog/trampoline) and also got BT on my bank statements so suspect she's at it with my DH too 😢

I need some advice. My DH noticed I have only made 2 meals from one chicken this week. He said Lynda at work can easily stretch it to 3. How would he know? He earns £200k a year - should I try harder in the kitchen?

what house shall I buy??
The 8 bedroom Nash terrace mansion near Regent's park. Or stay close to my roots and buy an ex council house in an unfashionable suburb?
I'm unable to sleep thinking about this at night even though i've recently upgraded to 800,000 thread count bed linen woven by indigenous people who take such pride in their work.
My mum says stick with what you know but WWYD??

Is your husband always this controlling? Why is Linda so invested in his poultry?

Just waiting for the 'cool wife' brigade to come and tell us that they have no issue with their husbands' colleague assessing his meat.

@JamTartLover Do not rugby tackle your neighbours but every time they bring food home, have a friendly chat about just how hard times are and your starving young adults indoors, cry a little if you must, all the while eying their bags. Soon they'll just drop a bag of food on your doorstep every week. Worked for me!

wth? I once made ONE chicken wing feed 4 for a week, genuinely baffled as to how you only made two meals?! Must be a wind up surely.

Your mum sounds controlling. Does she always have an opinion when you ask for her advice? Not wonder you you want to break free. Move to Regents Park and go NC.

what house shall I buy??
The 8 bedroom Nash terrace mansion near Regent's park. Or stay close to my roots and buy an ex council house in an unfashionable suburb?
I'm unable to sleep thinking about this at night even though i've recently upgraded to 800,000 thread count bed linen woven by indigenous people who take such pride in their work.
My mum says stick with what you know but WWYD??

Begging threads are not allowed on Mumsnet. Have you considered a food bank? The Regent's Park food bank staff might be able to advise on the indie schools in the area.

I need some advice. My DH noticed I have only made 2 meals from one chicken this week. He said Lynda at work can easily stretch it to 3. How would he know? He earns £200k a year - should I try harder in the kitchen?

OP, look at all the signs... he has mentionitis... he's comparing you to another woman over this... he has a clear thing for chicken. Don't be a pick me and try harder in the kitchen. Buy him a KFC bucket and ask him if that will keep him warm at night, before you stalk off to your free 30 minutes with a solicitor. Take him to the cleaners.

Has he a good pension?

😂 choked on my sweet sherry !

@JamTartLover
get the kids to do it instead,they’re still babies so nobody can judge them

Update: DS and GF have split up. He's now blaming me that I didn't recognize she was a controlling narcissist and that I didn't realise she was controlling him like a puppet on a string. I feel so guilty and he wants me to pay for a therapist as the GP has told him it will be 12 years for him to get sessions on the NHS. I am in lots of debt already. What should I do?

Sell a kidney. You caused this problem so you only have yourself to blame.

What @VillanellesCoat said. Sell a kidney. I would have thought it to be the obvious thing.
If you can't do that because your kidneys are too old, do you have any other assets? (Not your liver, you'll need that.)

With all due respect OP, your lifestyle seems a little chaotic.
How's NIgel(s) today?

Why did you put him off retraining OP? I would totally have supported him. Who cares if his head got turned up by someone (BT?) suddenly "allured" by him? He deserves it for working so hard. And as Liz Trussonomics says : bigger share of the pie, everyone wins!

(BTW I now have a hard time looking at the normal aibu threads and responses without thinking of this thread)

(BTW I now have a hard time looking at the normal aibu threads and responses without thinking of this thread)
@faw2009 Give your head a wobble! This MN at its finest, I'm so glad OP is finding lots of good advice and support.

AIBU. I live next to a school. Our neighbours have seven kids (but thats another thread!) at the school, and they drive the 10m from their front door to our garden so they don't have to walk as far. In my day we had to cross a mountain ravine on a tightrope to get to school!

Also the noise from the school is atrocious. Today they had bells blasting out and the whole school in lines on the field!! The schools been there a hundred years, surely they know how to evacuate by now?

WIBU to get the school closed down?