To clean or not to clean for inlaws? Embarrassed about our house.

[ThreeLittleBirds11]

My inlaws live in a different part of the country now and are coming to stay near us for the first time next week. Sounds terrible but I'm just so pleased we don't have enough space for them to actually stay in our house. However, they will still be spending a lot of time with us in our home which is nice but do I make a special effort to clean and present the house better or should they just take us as they find us?

So for context... dh and I both work, we have a 4yo and a baby. Plus, dh, myself and very likely dc1, all have adhd! So we're not exactly the most functional people around the home!

My mil likes things clean, tidy and well presented (in her house) so this makes me feel a bit pressurised. They've seen our house plenty of times before but they've never spent more than an hour tops in it.

We have stuff everywhere, stains on chairs, walls, floors, and grass that hasn't been cut for weeks and weeks. Clean clothes rarely find themselves in wardrobes or cupboards. Instead they gather in piles on the landing waiting to be distributed. The kitchen units are fairly cluttered and the fridge and hob need a good clean.

On the plus side, the bathrooms are always very clean as I'm super fussy about clean toilets. So inlaws should be OK in there! 😂

The other thing is, dc1 has toileting accidents (no. 1s) every so often so I can sometimes smell that in the carpet despite always cleaning it after. That particularly embarrasses me.

Would you spruce up the house for inlaws? Or just let them see it for how it really is?

Definitely spruce as it's for the benefit of the whole family to live in a nice environment, not just to impress others.

Sometimes I invite people to my house just to force me to be motivated to clean it!

This. I won't be able to live like you op. Also I would clean for anyone visiting not just IL. We are having guests visiting this weekend and already planning a big clean just before.

Of course you should do it, especially as you don't even have the hassle of hosting overnights!

Why on earth should the MIL help?!

I think it's nice in general to tidy up before guests come, no matter whether it's MIL or friend. I would clean the house. Btw. how ADHD is an excuse? My husband has been diagnosed and he always vacuums the floors before I come home, wipes kitchen worktops etc. Now I took over the cleaning duty, as he's busy at work, but he used to clean the whole house nicely.

Wth should her MiL help out ?? Ridiculous.

@Worthyornot I said her mother not her MIL do read the thread

Same question! Why should her mother help? A grown up needing parental help to clean is pretty unusual but even so what about father. It is not woman’s work you know!

A mum at school was as mucky as the OP friends were not allowed to play. The eldest so bright went to university she said to escape the chaos and shame. A bit dramatic but that was her take on her dysfunctional upbringing. Her mum was a teacher too

You say you can't afford a cleaner, but I find that hard to believe. You and your husband both work good jobs, you can afford one day a week. If that means you sacrifice other little luxuries for a time, then that's what you have to do. Your home is in a completely unacceptable state and children should not be living in an environment like this. Getting your home in order needs to be priority #1 for the next several weeks.

Your dh can present the house to his dps as he sees fit..

Well yes. If I thought my husband and I were absolutely not capable of providing a normal home from my children (despite being in professional careers) there would be no takeaways, shopping days, cinema etc. I would be rebudgeting strictly to ensure I could afford a normal environment for my kids, even if that meant cutting luxuries to the bone to afford cleaning help. Clean home and clothes and normal (non chaotic) lifestyle must come above treats and luxuries.

Following as this thread is motivating me to clean!

We've a thick seam of ADHD in our family. We make lists, share chores. One perforated ear drum doesn't prevent the other partner stepping up. Seven weeks summer holidays, half term ahead pretty thin excuses to be honest. MAKE LISTS .

That's excellent. A clean and tidy home is so important for your mental health. Your mind is a reflection of your environment.

Tough working with young children and ADHD. If poss pay for help to come in as it sounds like there is a lot to do and you will be overwhelmed at some point.

Haven’t RTFT, op, as there are so many messages so someone else might have already said this, ADHD can cause executive function issues, I think, and it sounds like though you are coping at work, it’s just too much at home.

You might have heard of this but there is a Patreon channel run by Gemma Bray (The Organised Mum) which is brill! Really helped me. She does guided cleans so you put your headphones on, cue up a clean and just do what she tells you with music playing. There are everyday cleans, ones when guests are coming, 10 minute Cba cleans, deep cleans, loads on there.

It does cost a few pounds per month but might be worth a try. There are four free ones i think so you and DH could try it out.
Rock the Housework

@justasking111
One perforated ear drum doesn't prevent the other partner stepping up

eh?

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.the pressure alone will only exacerbate you symptoms! And I'm sorry suffering with it means you haven't been able to keep it how you want.
No-one gets to say how clean or tidy you should be ok. Bit for your health and wellbeing it should be safe and how YOU want it.
Is there anything you could miss this month to hire a one off clean crew.would this help.then it's not blocking your own head space.
Or maybe you and dh could sit and make a list.yhat each week for an hour to start.you got up the important to dos. Tick off the big important bits.het on top of it a bit.
And also discuss how to keep on top of it daily.so how to make yourselves clear up as you go.or every time you leave the room you tidy one thing.one night could you get a pizza in the oven and fill the sink with hot soapy water and just give everything a wipe down with loud music and pizza.you do the worktop your th the floor etc.either start with a room or a task.
And then write also what you manage not just the to do.because that can look daunting especially to a sufferer.
So start with one thing or one plan for a week.
And you in laws need to accept you.
To be honest mine would be round helping. Mine is the works best cleaner upper.i don't no how she does it but you can spruce within your life and she will come and it will look yen times better when she does it.iys her love language a bit too.never judgment. And she's asked really kindly before if she can help.and had agonized for weeks not knowing how to offer.
If this is hindering you try to make a plan.i no it's not that easy though.that block to do it is horrible.

And again, why should her mother do this ??

Your mind is a reflection of your environment.

Or maybe the other way round.

I must've missed that part of the post!

This sounds so much like my life.

But doesn’t everyone’s brain do this, when cleaning or tidying, you see other jobs that need doing, you either put them in your mental queue (or a written list if your brain doesn’t work that way) and get the job done. If you don’t have time there and then, get it done later.

My brother is neurodiverse and has never, ever been brought up to use his conditions as excuses.

As for a grown adult being given advice to get their own parent’s help to clean up their house - the mind boggles, whoever suggested this, are you often infantilised by your own parents at all?

This thread is so depressing.

for the pee and the pee smell.

As others have mentioned, you need an enzyme based cleaner.
You spray this on and leave it. It soaks in and the enzymes eat the remaining urine and takes the smell out.
I had a dog have bad diarrhea on a carpet. It stank. I used, flash, bio washing powder, bicarb, nothing got rid of the smell. But the enzyme cleaner did it.

It's not cheap £7 a bottle form Pets at Home. But worth every penny.