Is it me, or is this exceptionally poor on the part of my XH?

[BarbaraVineFan]

I'm divorced, XH lives abroad (a long way away) and I have sole care of our DD, who turns 3 this weekend. XH is very generous sending money regularly for DD, no issues there. But this morning XH texted me to say 'Just checking, is DD 3 on Saturday? Because I have got her a present for a 3 year old but I'm.just wondering if I have messed up and she's actually 4.'

I mean.

HOW is this possible?!

I can't quite believe it to be honest.

I would be miffed, but hey! So long as he is not being a total arsehole and trying to ignore her existence I would laugh it off. It’ll be funny when she is 18!

My dad is lovely, caring and very present in my life. He has not a scooby doo when my birthday is and no idea how old I am. Unlike my mum who literally has it imprinted on her forehead. It is rubbish but maybe it’s a Dad thing!

But she is THREE. It's not like he's had to remember her age for years and years! How can he not remember?

Some people are just really crap with dates. It's a bit daft but I don't think I could get offended by it if he's basically a decent bloke.

My mum loved her grandchildren to the ends of the earth.

She got ages wrong on a regular basis.

It's a bit shut given he's her dad but is it worth getting annoyed about?

My bestie got my daughter an age 5 card when she turned 6. To be fair she did have toddler twins at the time and I think they had turned her brain to mush. But it happens. She is a very good parent.

It’s pretty crap, but tbh I imagine if I didn’t see my DCs that often it’s the sort of question I’d have to ask! I usually start rounding up at about half way through the year so I have to remind myself if that’s their actual age or the age I use when saying I have 3 DCs, aged xx, xx and xx (although I have 3 DCs so I have more of an excuse than him for getting them muddled up!)

My ExH also lives abroad and he bought one of them a gift that the other had asked for one Xmas. There was much confusion when it was unwrapped 😂

I’m kind of amazed that anyone thinks this is ok. He’s her father, not some random bloke! He bloody well should know his own daughter’s age!

He did know, he was just double checking.i think yabu.

That’s spectacularly shit - can you imagine yourself not knowing how old she is? Shows how involved he is in her life doesn’t it. And rather than actually working it out (presumably he has photos, or emails with a date on, or a copy of her birth certificate….) he just asks you, talk about mental load and pisstaking.

My BIL couldn’t remember if his only nephew was turning 1 or 2. (He was nearly 1!) I found it rather ridiculous at the time but, in retrospect, he wasn’t a hands on uncle and didn’t really have much time for kids. He was a 40 turning 17 type of guy. He’s now 60, no kids of his own, and has never once remembered any of my DSs’ birthdays. 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s worse coming from her own dad, but it sounds like he’s not a complete deadbeat dad at least.

My twins dad spelt one of their names wrong on a birthday card a few years ago...

I regularly call my kids by the wrong name 😂😂

I think it's worse that he lives on the other side of the world to his own child.

Yeah my husband forgets how old our kids are on regular basis 🤦‍♀️ amd he sees them every day

I picked my niece (who I see at least 3 times a week and am very close to) up from school. There was supposed to be a password but her mum hadn't told me. I got her birthday wrong and her age wrong too when they asked me those! Got there in the end but I too regularly forget birthdays and ages and it doesn't mean I don't care. It's not ideal but I'd say Be grateful he cares enough to want to get it right tbh

Yes this is shocking - but he could genuinely have issues with numbers, letters etc.

I know someone who is very intelligent, great verbal language skills etc however they don’t know the months or days of the week.
they have to fully recite them to work it out.
this could just be a case of this person being rubbish with numbers

Our DS's grandad asked if he was turning 1 or 2 on his birthday (he was gonna be 1!)

Yeah it's shit, my ex forgets their dobs as well. Don't expect much better from a guy that decided to fuck off to another country when he had small dc though

My ex husband actually argued with me about our daughters date of birth 🙄 he’s an idiot though.

Unbelievable! Well actually it's the kind of thing my ex would do tbh . Fancy actually asking you thou instead of working it out !

Those who are sharing stories of grans, aunties etc who are shit with dates, thank you, but I don't think it's the same. How can you forget how old your own toddler is?

I agree with those saying asking me makes it doubly shit. He could have kept the thought to himself surely and worked it out?!

Yes that’s shit.

Whats more shit is he’s got a gift based on her age and not her actual interests - he’s her parent FFS not a distant relative.

I don't know @BlueRibbonPen , I think it's a personalised gift so it may be based on her interests too

I am someone who got my own age wrong for a year. I adore my children, I have to think very hard to remember how old they are, and I've been a parent for over 30 years. Some people are just not good at remembering ages.