Is it me, or is this exceptionally poor on the part of my XH?

[BarbaraVineFan]

I'm divorced, XH lives abroad (a long way away) and I have sole care of our DD, who turns 3 this weekend. XH is very generous sending money regularly for DD, no issues there. But this morning XH texted me to say 'Just checking, is DD 3 on Saturday? Because I have got her a present for a 3 year old but I'm.just wondering if I have messed up and she's actually 4.'

I mean.

HOW is this possible?!

I can't quite believe it to be honest.

OP when I was a midwife I visited a couple, the man was a world expert on a niche subject and could reasonably be described as eccentric professor. When I asked what the baby was called he scratched his head and shouted upstairs to his Mum "Mum, what's the baby called?"

Tbf he'd only had a few days to learn the name.
I think it's great your XH is generous with money and remembered the birthday. If he needs prompting re age as the years go in that will be the least of your worries.

They could have literally been changing baby's name every hour or so until they finally settled. Not everyone decides straight away.

I think not @sandytooth
She was Japanese and spoke no English and he spoke no Japanese. I have no idea how they came together or how their marriage worked but I doubt there was much debate about the baby's name!

Off topic but only recently I have had dealings with another transnational couple where neither speaks the other's language. How do these marriages come about and work? It's a real source of fascination to me!

yeah he could have looked through his phone photos and worked this out. It's totally shit. Poor little girl (though I'm sure you are more than equal to 2 parents for her)

I often forget how old my own kids are. Sometimes I have to use a calculator, putting in the current year minus the year they were born.
When I have to give my youngest date of birth, I'm convinced it's two years later than it actually is, which causes much eye rolling and sighing.

DP frequently forgets the ages of us children. I know all of their ages and birthdays (one child mine and DP, other 2 are my step children). I don’t think it’s necessarily an indicator that he’s rubbish. If he is providing financial assistance and has got her a present he obviously cares and wants to do the best he can despite being far away.

I cannot believe the aibu vote in this.

This forum is mind boggling sometimes.

He is an absolute dickhead.

And it's in line with him choosing to live abroad, far away from his young child too. Not a parent.

despite being far away.

He chooses to live far away.

There are jobs in this country or near this country.

What sort of person would choose to live abroad really far away from.their young child.

(Unless they're from some absolute third world corrupt shit economy mess of a place where they're forced to work abroad to provide for their family, which does not sound like the case).

boy is the standard low for fathers. The mother should have stuck it out in a foreign country with her husband living with his new girlfriend without any other support at all. Meanwhile it is ok for daddy to not remember whether his child was born 3 or 4 years ago. wild really.

Oh, ok had op moved from his home country/region with her child, which is far away?

Well he's not actively chosen to move away from the child, but not knowing the age of his own child is still absolutely fucking ridiculous.

Exp had a bit of a problem when he first tried to apply to court for contact as he didn't know either DC's birth dates nor how to spell dd1's first name - could be worse 🤷🏼‍♀️😆

I think it’s sad enough that he’s chosen a generic present for a three year old, rather than something personal because she likes (Paw Patrol or Bluey or whatever). And not being sure of her age… I guess it underlines that he’s really not that attached to her, and that must feel very sad.

My ex messaged me once to ask me what his children's names were and how to spell them!

he knows it’s her 3rd birthday on Saturday. He just had a ‘oh shit…is she definitely 3’ moment and double checked. A toddler at just turned 2 is miles away from someone about to turn 3 and its easy to start thinking of a youngster, especially if they are great with language and motor skills, as older than they actually are

only you know if he’s an arsehole. We don’t know him but I don’t think that this example is definitive proof

You can a gift that fits in with a child’s interests but it’s still a good idea to take heed of age warnings

My DH got his own age wrong once. Told the GP he was wrong (had the GP update his records!) claimed it was a conspiracy to make him older than he really was

I almost believed him too until I took a moment to think about it and point out he was wrong.

DH had a few apologetic phone calls to make...

We were in the car with a friend while DH had his mini rant. When I pointed out his mistake my friend and I couldn't breathe for laughing and DH had to stop safely until he could drive again.

Good times.

Update if anyone is interested.. The present from XH was a personalised book, you know one of those where you enter the kid's name, age etc on a website and it creates the book for you.

Not sure if I'm being ungrateful but ironically it feels like a really impersonal gift for your own daughter...

My toddler has one of those and really likes it

My dad loves me to bits but he couldn't tell you how old I am without doing the math and he has absolutely no idea what education I have, where I studied, or what job I am doing now. No, he doesn't have dementia he just doesn't pay attention and he never has. He is just not that interested in other people.

It's a bit crap since he is her father - but the whole Covid stuff has completely screwed my timelines of the last 3 years....

I have to do maths to work out how old I am. It is not something I concern myself with greatly.

The ones I’ve seen also include personal details such as names of friends or pets name etc. also in my experience the little ones that have received them have loved them in the same way as letters from Santa

No, it's literally just her name and age in there, no other details added and she really wasn't that bothered by it.

But maybe I'm being petty.

I think it is awful, but he is clearly a self-centred person. He's going to let her down in lots of ways potentially.