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Original poster

Don't understand why some people are so unfriendly like this

155 replies

Cheesecakeitalian · 19/10/2022 11:00

Started a job in a new place yesterday, I saw a woman on the train this morning who I'd recognised from yesterday. So I smiled at her and she just looked at me blankly, fair enough she probably didn't recognise me.

Anyway then I was in the staff lounge and there's a huge U shaped sofa with tables which was totally empty. So i went and sat in the corner.
She came over with a flask of tea and a sandwich and just went "Oh I'm sitting there."
The room was almost empty, she could have literally sat on the same sofa with one of the other tables or gone and sat at one of the many other tables in the room.

I just got up and moved and sat elsewhere, s

OP posts:
Glitteratitar · 19/10/2022 14:39

SmileyClare · 19/10/2022 14:03

Ok I’m a bit baffled but do you think how op’s colleague behaved is completely justified then? It was ok to ask her to move seats and then ignore her?

Clearly in your work environment it wouldn’t be possible to greet all . 150 staff members in your work canteen, that would be your lunch hour gone 😂but op described a completely different situation. An interaction between 2 people.

Show quote history

Please point out where I said the behaviour re moving seat is justified. You are now twisting my words to claim that I said something I didn’t. I said it’s not at all unusual to not speak to someone else in a break room.

You are also missing my point. Considering there are 150 people on my floor alone at work, I won’t know who is new and who has been there for 30 years when I see someone in the break out area. So in an interaction between two people, why would I feel the need to introduce myself to the other person? No one said you have to say hello to all 150 people, but you think it’s normal to make an effort and speak to all 150 people when in a one on one basis.

Sparklybutold · 19/10/2022 14:47

Is it possible she jas a neuro divergent condition. So not rude just sees and interprets the world differently.

SmileyClare · 19/10/2022 14:48

Erm you said Is there a possibility she was sitting there and had moved away?

I assumed you thought it was fine for her to ask op to move?
Im not sure what point you were making?

mavismorpoth · 19/10/2022 14:51

FlounderingFruitcake · 19/10/2022 11:09

I can’t believe you moved! I would have gone with a faux gushy, of course you’re welcome to join, how’s your day going so far.

I do this. I'm a nice friendly person so I have always been nice and friendly to people who are like this and oftentimes they come around and feel embarrassed and end up being super nice to me. They always expect you to be an arse like them and if you're not but are genuinely lovely back it really shows them up.

I recommend this game, if you can pull it off, i.e. don't be sarcastically nice, that's just like being a twat back.

SmileyClare · 19/10/2022 15:16

Yes I would do that too, kill them with kindness.

In fact that friendly approach reveals that some people come across as standoffish and downright rude because they’re masking deep insecurity, some sort of neuro divergence or just a bit socially inept, of course they could just be an obnoxious brat.

At least you get to find out 😂

Glitteratitar · 19/10/2022 15:17

SmileyClare · 19/10/2022 14:48

Erm you said Is there a possibility she was sitting there and had moved away?

I assumed you thought it was fine for her to ask op to move?
Im not sure what point you were making?

Trying to present a different angle is not the same as thinking her behaviour is justified… It’s maybe trying to find another explanation other than deciding she must be a man hungry bitch because she asked OP to move and was friendly to another colleague.

People on this thread have mentioned the office “Zoe” or “Hannah”. For me, it’s always been a “Clare”, which funnily enough is your screen name...

SmileyClare · 19/10/2022 15:22

Alright no need to start making catty comments. I don’t want to make this a personal attack. I think it’s immature not to address a new work colleague with a couple of pleasantries when you’re the only ones in the staff seating area.

I realise not all work cultures are like this.

I also think it’s childish to make snap judgements on people based on one interaction and put labels on them.

Glitteratitar · 19/10/2022 15:27

SmileyClare · 19/10/2022 15:22

Alright no need to start making catty comments. I don’t want to make this a personal attack. I think it’s immature not to address a new work colleague with a couple of pleasantries when you’re the only ones in the staff seating area.

I realise not all work cultures are like this.

I also think it’s childish to make snap judgements on people based on one interaction and put labels on them.

You’re missing the point - how would you know someone is new when there are 150 people on your floor? Unless you know every single person on your floor, how can you welcome a new work colleague when you have no idea if they’ve been there for 5 minutes or 5 years?

There’s a difference between a new colleague in your team and a new colleague in another group / department that you have no interaction with and would have no idea whether they’re new or old.

SmileyClare · 19/10/2022 15:43

I see your point. Maybe this woman didn’t know who op was and wasn’t sure if she was new?

I don’t agree that’s a reason to ignore someone and be hostile. It’s not difficult to smile and be a little accommodating. I’m not suggesting throwing a welcome party.

I don’t have an issue with you trying to find another angle to the debate.

Louloudaisy2020 · 19/10/2022 19:41

Laiste · 19/10/2022 12:30

Question:
How many posters here would honesty ask someone to move because they had sat in a seat previously. You've not left any stuff there - but because your bum was on that chair 2/5/20 mins, ago you'd ask someone to move who'd sat there while you were gone?

Exactly. None 😂

NKFell · 19/10/2022 20:49

OoooohMatron · 19/10/2022 13:03

Of course she would! A rude twat is a rude twat, woman or man. Stop trying to make everything about misogyny.

Show quote history

He’s so rude to the men but around the women he’s a viper man…..🤣🤣 bollocks, you know that’s reserved for the women.

NKFell · 19/10/2022 20:51

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle i was referring to the ‘viper’ comment and how she is around men.

Scottsy100 · 20/10/2022 15:29

I definitely would not have moved how rude

FiveGreenBottles · 20/10/2022 15:42

Light hearted!

You’re all wrong, you’ve met a Kate. - foul to women, simper and flirt with men. That’s their modus operandi.

Such is the stigma, even Kate Middleton had to change her name back to Catherine.

catmothertes1 · 20/10/2022 15:49

Cheesecakeitalian · 19/10/2022 11:02

She looks a bit younger than me, mid 20s maybe. Of course when the younger attractive male staff member came over she was all gushy and "Hiiii! How are you??"

I've worked with many exactly like her!

ivykaty44 · 20/10/2022 15:49

I wanted to say, "Sorry has it got your name on it?"

I would have asked where the seating plan was? as Ive not been told where to sit int he canteen

MissyB1 · 20/10/2022 15:54

BatteryPoweredMammy · 19/10/2022 11:28

You really ought to have stayed put and said something like 'you're welcome to join me'.

Never ever let a colleague get away with thinking they can push you around. ALWAYS stand up to them.

Chances are, you'll only need to do it the once before they get the message and back off.

This I’m afraid. No way would I have moved. I would have put on a bright and breezy voice, introduced myself, patted the seat next to me and said “plenty of room for you too”.
I mean what was she going to do? Physically shove you off the seat?

butterfliedtwo · 20/10/2022 15:55

She was weird about the sofa. She doesn't have talk to you on the train.

This. She doesn't have to smile at or chat to you. Most people want to be left alone on commutes.

BitossiBlues · 20/10/2022 15:57

Doesn’t work in marketing by any chance does she?

😂😂

Oh god, you've clearly worked in some of the places I have!

Vaccine001 · 20/10/2022 15:57

This reply has been deleted

This post contains Troll hunting which we don't allow so it's been deleted.

Emotionalsupportviper · 20/10/2022 15:58

TheCatterall · 19/10/2022 11:46

@Cheesecakeitalian I’d sit there again if you fancy it and if she repeats the same bull- just smile at her and tell her she’s welcome to join you. Then just go back to eating your lunch and nose in a book. DO NOT MOVE.

she’s just one of the precious souls we encounter in the wild. She’s lost her way and needs retraining on how adults interact. Everyone that panders to her is encouraging her behaviour. Break the pattern.

also it will annoy the fuck out of her and I’m petty about knobbers like this. Kill them with polite kindness.

Or look down at your own legend feet, examine your hands and say "No - it's definitely me sitting here. No doubt about that - I'd know these shoes anywhere."

vodkaredbullgirl · 20/10/2022 15:59

This reply has been deleted

This post contains Troll hunting which we don't allow so it's been deleted.

Been here a lot longer than you have.

Xiaoxiong · 20/10/2022 15:59

Brings back memories of a colleague who told me a story - his first day he ran into our senior partner at the station, and realised they got the same train in the mornings. Went up and said good morning to senior partner, oh how funny, we get the same train, do you live round here, etc etc. Senior partner said "good morning. this is the carriage I get on, so why don't you get on anywhere else and I'll see you in the office!" They then proceeded to walk to the office about 20 yards apart pretending not to see each other, and as they got to the lifts senior partner turned to him and hissed "Let's keep it this way shall we?" and then was perfectly friendly the rest of the day.

They worked together for years and maintained this charade the whole time except when there was a problem with the trains when they were "allowed" to suddenly notice that they went to the same station so they could share a taxi.

Emotionalsupportviper · 20/10/2022 16:02

Sparklybutold · 19/10/2022 14:47

Is it possible she jas a neuro divergent condition. So not rude just sees and interprets the world differently.

And so it begins.

If this is so, the sooner she learns to adapt her behaviour to the accepted norm, the better - for her own sake as well aa others'.

Mascia · 20/10/2022 16:03

vodkaredbullgirl · 19/10/2022 11:05

Blimey you only been there 1 day, and judging already.

Sounds like that woman made the OP feel uncomfortable, why shouldn’t she talk about it?

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