To ask why you gave DC his last name?

[Tsort]

If you kept your name/aren’t married, but gave DC their father’s last name (as opposed to double barrelling or giving them you own), may I ask why?

You get nasty sarcastic comments about your name?! That’s crazy! Sorry!

That’s so interesting to me, as I would say I’m almost equally attached to my first and last names (first, slightly moreso, but only slightly). Thanks for sharing.

Not what you asked, but my family have just had this discussion.... In the end DH changed his name to mine and our baby (36 weeks pregnant now) will have my name. It was important to me that we all had the same last name, and why should I change mine?? Everyone wanted us to double barell it, but I have a double barelled first name, and it sounded clunky with the name we have chosen for the baby.
So it's done, but no one but me is happy.

Your DH is presumably also happy? In which case, nobody else’s opinion is at all relevant.

What were their objections, if you wouldn’t mind sharing? I mean, I can imagine, but I’m wondering how they articulated them without being embarrassed.

Can’t say I did much of a deep dive into my thought process to be honest. I just wasn’t that arsed.

It was important to him because he’s traditional in that way. I never asked him to take my name because again, I just wasn’t that bothered. It was important to me that I had my name, but that was as far as it went.

Both my children are named after members of my family so their names are still very much connected to me.

Fair enough.

I did not give my kids from two different father’s their name. Thank goodness! I would have had two kids with two different surnames, neither of which are my own, and I travel a lot on my own with them (and their father’s hardly ever take them anywhere).

I also do all their medical appointments, go to all the parents evenings, school evenings ‘Hello Ms Bananas’ and fill in every single form they’ve had in their life.

It also makes me feel more of a family with them, so it’s been pretty great not to change it. I guess if you get married and stay with that man forever, and you work as a team, then I can see why. But considering so many of us end up being left/divorce, and it’s 9/10 the mum who does most care for the kids, I wonder why women change their kids names to the father’s so automatically.

Double barrelling our names would have been horrible. I grew up always having to spell and correct pronunciation of my name and I didn’t want to same for my kids.
But when it came down to it, it was something that was important to him and not to me. I don’t feel attached to my name but also if we ever did get married wouldn’t take his.
I got to pick my kids first names so was happy to let him have the surname

Because my name caused me to be bullied even more at school and was miserable to have when I was young.
I use it now as an adult because after 2 divorces, and then remarrying, I was just sick of the fuck on changing everything. I was getting a passport, new job blah blah and realised the only name that felt like ME was my maiden name.
I wouldn't saddle my dc with it though. Their names are utterly unremarkable "Smith or Jones" type ordinary, and I like that.

I can't stand the....it was more important to him, his name was nicer/easier responses......the social conditioning and internalised misogyny that always leads to some women deferring to men makes me sick. They can't even see it.

I knew from a very early age that any child of mine would have my name and that I would never change for any man. Thankfully a lot of women are now doing the same. About bloody time

I don’t really think it’s your place to pass comment on what other women can or cannot see. There was no internalised misogyny involved in my decision, and you are not a better woman or feminist for not having made the same decision yourself.

How patronising.

Because the child has to have someone's surname.Our surnames don't go together,so can't use both.So why mine and not his?Or why his and not mine?
He is a doting farther and my farther was a piece of s..t.So why would I make his surname go further down the generations.
Also I personally like a family having the same surname.

A child of mine?I think women on MN often think children are 90 percent theirs and 10 percent the fathers.

@Willyoujustbequiet I think you need to take your username literally.
You cannot speak for every woman and just because you have an opinion, it doesn't mean somebody else's is wrong.
If you hate men as much as you come across, why have a child at all? (Presuming you aren't in a same sex relationship).
My children all have their dads surnames, not because I'm weak but because I'm really not bothered. It's not something that's important to me in the slightest.

I'm pleased I kept my own last name after marriage (and divorce!) but it's weird and "foreign" sounding in the UK. So DC got H's nice "normal " surname.

Also he was a controlling, insecure arse, and I realised he would have kicked up a big stink if I'd suggested giving DC my name instead.

I just don't care much for double-barrelled names.

P.s. I'm just not that fussed about her surname. What I am fussed about is that I eventually gained the confidence to leave an unhealthy relationship and modelled that for my child. That's a lot more important to me than what surname she has.

I didn't say I was a better woman but I certainly made a more feminist choice and its disingenuous to claim otherwise.

Considering they haven't seen him in many years and he's been a wholly absent parent I would say its more like 100%.

Which unfortunately is the situation many find themselves in therefore making it a far more practical choice for all children to have their mother's birth name.

I though feminism was about equal right not about equal outcome.If you have the right and a way to keep your surname but choose not to for personal reasons it is not any less feminist.Me being forced to keep mine to cater for someone else but me is not feminist

I'm entitled to an opinion. If you don't like it just scroll on by.

Its laughable to equate expecting equality with hating men.

You can have any name you want but it's simply not a feminist choice to follow a patriarchal tradition where women were chattels and simply the property of men.

Life is going to be very difficult if I'm going to 'cut my nose to spite my face'.
I love being home with my daughter,I love cooking ,and keeping the house.By your standards I should demand my husband makes me go to work,has input (with his awful taste) on the decor at home and cooks even though he can't and I love it (it relaxes me).
This type of equality would make me very unhappy

What would ye have done if DH had a "why should I change mine" attitude too?

Absolute rubbish. Why on earth is keeping your own name cutting your nose off to spite your face?

You're reaching.