What does depression feel like when you’re in the thick of it?

[Mummysgogetter]

Just posting here for the traffic. Wondering what peoples experiences are when they’re at their lowest low? I’m asking because I’m going through something now and I’m doubting whether it is depression or whether I need to get my act together lol

Sorry there is no AIBU - didn’t get rid of the poll

“Lowest low” I can’t really describe on here because it’s distressing content.
But if you are not even sure whether you are depressed, you’re not at rock bottom.
You could be depressed…and on your way there…but not there yet.
So it’s better to nip this in the bud rather than keep spiralling down.
So this is a vote for you getting help.

It can be different for everyone. For me, it was a feeling of 'nothing'. Not happy, not sad, just nothing.
I have hobbies and things that make me feel some sort of happiness. When I was depressed, those same things did not help at all. I was just numb.

For me, I couldn't feel stuff. I couldn't look forward to anything and I didn't have the energy to care when things went wrong. A feeling of bone tiredness.

Black, numb, empty, hopeless.

i go through my list of contacts & not one single person, to me, cares or would even think about me if I were gone.

Constant thoughts of how to quickly end my life. Thoughts of not traumatising anyone who finds me.

Misery,despair, hopelessness.

It's different for everyone, and not all depressive times feel the same even in one individual.

For me, the lowest was when I felt numb, I did my daily routine, because i didn't have a choice, but I isolated myself as much as I could, and did the bare minimum. There's other things, harmful behaviours, but I won't go into them for my sake, and probably others too.

That's just my experience though, like I say, everyone is different. No one is more valid than someone else. If you're concerned, you wouldn't do wrong to speak to someone. Take care.

People always say blank and empty, but for me it was no happy emotions so blank above the neutral line, punctured with pain and all the worst emotions thrown in that happened at random times. It was horrible and at the time I couldn’t remember what happy felt like it was so far away. Even now when I feel what I think is happiness it’s always with an anxious or sad feeling at the same time, I think it broke me.

Auto pilot- looking back to a really dark time in my life I felt like I was on auto pilot, numb and honestly I remember very little of that time.

Utter exhaustion. Even small tasks are daunting and take so much determination and effort.

I didn’t realise it was depression and was wondering why I was shattered all the time. Now I am not depressed my energy levels are great again. My depression went on for a long time. At least next time I feel that way I will recognise it.

I don’t look forward to anything - everything is bland to me - nothing on the telly or my kindle is interesting - it is all blah.
my stomach turns over in dread when I wake up in the morning and think of the day ahead.
I feel permanently knackered despite sleeping 7-8 hours.
I feel like my happiest, carefree days were when I were much younger and when I hear music from my 20s I feel very sad and nostalgic for those years.
I feel a sense of doom for the future - just many monotonous, samey, bland days ahead despite going away and seeing/doing a variety of things that are supposed to be enjoyable.
feeling very irritable like I could jump out of my skin.
sometimes feeling very sad like I could cry and cry and cry.

For me[I only had it for 3 months and that was more than enough], I knew I could not trust my own judgement.
I felt "wrong" physically as well.
And definitely felt like I was walking through treacle.

Exhaustion, crippling bleakness, despair, shame and misery. Numb/blank/neutral was not my experience at all. I felt like my soul was rotten.

I would say you have depression. But I think it would need a medical diagnosis.

Did you get prescribed medication?

At my lowest, it’s like my soul’s checked out for a bit. I have no energy to get up and move around, even messages I should be picking up from my body such as ‘you need to drink something now’ don’t register. They’re sort of there, but it’s too complicated to move my body into the kitchen, open a cupboard, take out a glass, fill it with water, and drink it. It’s way too much to do when I’m being suffocated by an all-consuming existential dread, so I may lose hours staring blankly at nothing instead. Often the desire to die to end the pain is strong, but again, it would involve some kind of thought processing to carry out …

For me it’s a paralysing inability to make any decision at all: what to wear that day, whether to go for a wee now or later, anything. So it ends up with a lot of days lying in bed doing nothing. I don’t want to see anyone, go anywhere, do anything. I can’t even be bothered to do the things that I normally love.

For me it’s no feelings, I wade through the day to day work I smile I interact but i have no feelings whatsoever. Friend having a bad time, I listen but it’s meaningless because they will get through it. Spending money on crap, eating crap.

Worse is self hatred because my sex drive has gone through the roof recently BUT to have sex with dh I watch online porn before hand (have said this before on here) but then I hate that I’ve had to watch it because dh should be enough. I scratch and pick scabs. My meds make me anxious so I take other meds for that. My GP is aware I self harm but not that it’s because of the porn.

just watched female friendly because dh is being romantic and I do want to have sex but I can’t without watching porn first.

I promise myself it’s the last time then my anxiety and intrusive thoughts start all over. It’s never bloody ending

everyone is different but we share a common theme that the dark cloud can at toes be overwhelming

Like being frozen and trapped, unheard and separated from the world - a bit like floating in a river of cold water trapped underneath ice.

You sound both depressed and anxious to me OP, so go see your GP. Discuss meds to get your head above water, and start some counselling.

OP, go and see your GP. I think you need a proper diagnosis.

Numb. I didn't care about anything, there was no joy, no feeling other than sadness and hopelessness. But the feeling that I did not want to be here was always there, it was the only thing I felt.

But I was depressed long before that very low point. Disinterested, not enjoying anything, overwhelmed. Not coping with everyday problems. The sadness was more often than ok days.

I feel like this is me. How did you come out of the other side?

No joy in life, going through the motions, worthless, angry, thought my family / everyone and everything would be better off without me.

Not diagnosed depression but looking back I obviously was.

Yep, sounds like you should seek some help. Speak to your GP.

Like fighting through treacle to do anything. Just not being able to do anything because it's all so hard and it's not even worth it because who cares? No one.

Too tired to sleep. Feeling completely detached from everything and everyone. No amusement from comedy on TV. No empathy. No joy, no peace, just vaguely unpleasant miasma. Sometimes spiked with pure RAGE. Over nothing at all. Completely intolerant of anyone showing any emotion at all because I have none and it all seems so performative and ridiculous to expend effort on laughing or crying or whatever.

Like being in a bubble where everything outside is a bit out of focus and sounds like you're underwater. Like you're slightly out of phase with reality and can't connect with anything / anyone.

Can't take anything in, no focus, no ability to see any way that things could possibly get better.