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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think lactating sucks

106 replies

CoalCraft · 18/10/2022 05:10

Just that really. I have an ebf 10 week old who's doing great. You should see the rolls on this kid's arms and legs. Actually feeding her is fine, mostly. It's a bit annoying that it always has to be me and when she's cluster feeding and I don't get a chance to play with my toddler it can be a bit frustrating, but on the other hand it's very convenient not to have to faff about with bottles and stuff.

So it's not the feeding itself I have a problem with, it's everything else. Let me make a list.

  • Painful breast engorgement every single night. When she goes down around 8pm my boobs are empty. By midnight they're painfully engorged. She feeds once or twice in the night but only ever from one side at a time and she doesn't come close to draining it, so the discomfort continues well into the next morning.
  • The fact that the other breast always leaks when feeding.
  • Even worse, the random painful letdowns that can happen at any time of day with no provocation whatsoever.
  • Because of the above two, having to take breast pads with me absolutely everywhere.
  • Having to wear a bra literally all the time. The only time I don't wear one is in the shower. Otherwise it's always in case of a letdown, even during sex.
  • Not being able to sleep on my tummy - the way I'm most comfortable normally
  • Always having to consider boob access when getting dressed - my wardrobe has become very small.
  • The vaginal dryness.
  • The fact that my husband can't touch my boobs at all during sex for fear of triggering a letdowns. See also above about wearing bras during sex.
  • The BO. I thought it must just be me, but I looked online and nope, it's a thing. Your armpit sweat gets smellier, apparently to help baby find the boob. Wtf. I find it hard to deal with.
  • Always having to think about what I'm putting in my body and whether it could affect baby, e.g. limiting caffeine intake.
  • Always being just slightly damp.
  • Having to drink water CONSTANTLY.
  • At least I have an excuse to eat more though, which is great, and I'm probably already slimmer than I was pre-pregnancy. Gotta be grateful for the little things I guess.

I'm sure there's more. I'm going to persevere till at least four months out of sheer stubbornness as that's how long I exclusively pumped for DD1 (that was so much worse - all the above downsides with none of the upsides), and see how I feel then, but I'm definitely looking forward to stopping.

OP posts:
Original poster
CoalCraft · 18/10/2022 05:11

Dunno what's going on with the formatting there. Hopefully it's readable anyway.

OP posts:
Mistywindow · 18/10/2022 05:27

So don’t do it then. No one is forcing you. Apart from yourself it would seem?

You obviously feel that it is advantageous or you wouldn’t put yourself through the horrors you have described 🤷‍♀️

Personally, the short period of time that BF was uncomfortable was worth it for the long term ease for me.

Intelligenthair · 18/10/2022 05:30

Yes, I hated it! Enormous hard as rock boobs, constantly smelling of milk… yuk!

I did find my boobs settled down by about 3 months in- they seemed to realise there was only one baby to feed not a whole nursery- so hopefully the same will happen for you.

pompomsontheceiling · 18/10/2022 05:35

It'll get easier very soon, you still have a very young baby. It's awful in the meantime though

Iknowforsure1 · 18/10/2022 05:43

It’s up to you when to stop breastfeeding. I breastfeed both children until 2 years old and I must say it was difficult only for the first 2-3 months, after that it’s just a mainstream process really, with no physical symptoms or suffering. Yes, it does get you attached to the baby, that’s the whole point too, but I also found so many benefits in it. I never spent a single pound on a formula or bottles, and I can’t believe it’s was nearly a decade ago, but I have many good memories. It’s not easy at all, but I don’t believe formula is easy either. It’s children, they are not easy. Whatever you choose it doesn’t matter at the end, do what you feel is comfortable.

Iknowforsure1 · 18/10/2022 05:45

I must say I never expressed milk, never pumped. It didn’t work on me, nothing ever came out.

chali7 · 18/10/2022 05:47

I'm one year in and now really starting to struggle. My one year old seems to be more demanding than she was as a newborn and I can't keep it up along side working full time 🤣

Keep at it, you're doing great, and it does get easier.

I loved feeding during months 4 to 12, now I am resentful of my sleeping DP while I'm still night feeding every few hours 🤣

miltonj · 18/10/2022 05:51

This will get easier fairly quickly.

In the meantime, don't worry about caffeine, it's not getting to your baby.
The sex issue is obviously personal preference, but there's so many other bodily fluids going on, who cares about a bit of milk? Grin

The wardrobe issue is annoying though

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 18/10/2022 05:57

As others have said its up to you. For me personally,

  • breast engorgement only happens if baby doesn't feed at a similar time to day before, and by 8 weeks very rarely happened. I don't really feed on demand though, by 6 weeks we were on a roughly 3 hour schedule during the day.
  • wearing a bra and breast pads, i do it all the time, i always have breast pads in, i thought every woman who breastfeeds had to, it really isn't that bad 🤷🏼‍♀️
  • i don't have sex while i'm breastfeeding for the reasons you've listed 🤢 but i'm only going to breastfeed for 6 months.
  • boob access, i've just bought nursing tops, why make it harder than it needs to be, and most of these tops look like normal tops so can carry on wearing them after 6 months.
  • i don't really limit my diet, such small amounts end up in breastmilk of caffeine etc.

We're at 2 months now and have introduced 1 bottle of formula a day, and from 4 months we will start replacing feeds with formula so i am done by 6 months

Original poster
CoalCraft · 18/10/2022 06:02

I know I could stop and I will if it gets too onerous. I did with DD1, after all. The fact is that I do think it's easier than formula, marginally, but I'm still allowed a whinge about the bad bits in the meantime!

Delighted to hear that the engorgement settles down around three months. I don't remember that it ever did with DD1, but then that was all pumping so the pattern of stimulation wasn't exactly natural. Di the random letdowns calm down too? I hate them!

Thanks for the solidarity ladies ❤️

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 18/10/2022 06:09

It was a long time ago for me now but you describe it well OP. I was thrilled to finally put my boobs away. HCPs never once covered the downsides of BF it was always going to be amazing apparently. 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
CoalCraft · 18/10/2022 06:13

The sex issue is obviously personal preference, but there's so many other bodily fluids going on, who cares about a bit of milk?

The letdowns hurt! Very distracting, and the milk literally sprays out. Poor DH would get soaked, and not in a good way! 🤢😁

OP posts:
Charlavail · 18/10/2022 06:13

Yep it's the limited wardrobe and constant bra wearinf for me too! Coming off nearly nine months of not being able to wear what you want because of a baby bump. I hardly ever wore a bra before this baby.
And if baby ever lets you get a lay in the consequence is that you are absolutely soaked in milk!
I have enjoyed my time breastfeeding though!

PriOn1 · 18/10/2022 06:20

I think, as others have said, the engorgement will go away soon, and after that, for me the benefits hugely outweighed any remaining disadvantages. Hope it’s the same for you.

BonesOfWhatYouBelieve · 18/10/2022 06:21

I wear a nursing vest instead of a bra overnight. The H&M ones have built in support that holds breast pads in place and I find them much comfier for sleeping. You could try that?

The engorgement and random let downs should st

mavismorpoth · 18/10/2022 06:24

I don't feel that way about feeding but I do feel this way about birth, how was it so painful? Hated it. Would not recommend but would do again.

HungryandIknowit · 18/10/2022 06:26

I sympathise but breastfeeding is definitely easier than pumping. The engorgement and painful let downs should settle down. kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/breast-fullness/

namechangeforsexchat · 18/10/2022 06:26

Have you got a haaka?

When I was breastfeeding I would always pop a haaka on the breast baby wasn't on, and this would catch my letdown, avoid leaking and help with engorgement, the bonus obviously being that I then had easy expressed milk!

I did this pretty much every time in the early days and would get at least 8oz per day (I had a big supply though!)

SirBlobby · 18/10/2022 06:28

Course you're allowed a moan! Breastfeeding can be both wonderful and extremely isolating!!!

I hated the start of it, feeding every 45 mins/bad bo/painful breasts/nipples practically falling off.

After 5 months I found it easier! Carried on to 2 years but then at 22 months or so I realised I was sick of feeling tired so decided I'd stop at 2.

I feel privileged to have been able to bf. I know id do the same again. But yes, it's hard work!

Original poster
CoalCraft · 18/10/2022 06:29

mavismorpoth · 18/10/2022 06:24

I don't feel that way about feeding but I do feel this way about birth, how was it so painful? Hated it. Would not recommend but would do again.

Weirdly I didn't find birth that bad at all, pain wise, but then both of mine were very quick and straightforward. My problem was that the midwives didn't recognise that I was in labour. Cue two very rushed, stressful experiences where baby was out within twenty minutes of me reaching the delivery room! 😬

OP posts:
ThePoetsWife · 18/10/2022 06:29

It's for a short time - and you will look back and be happy and thankful that you were able to feed your babies in this way.

aSpanielintheworks · 18/10/2022 06:31

I remember those early days, after much planning with my ebf newborn I went to a Christmas party for an hour and felt that awful stinging letdown In the middle of the dance floor & had to rush off to the ladies with a soaking wet dress!
Those early weeks settle quite quickly as you start to make only what is taken, After a couple of months I only really got engorged once dd started sleeping through the night and missed a couple of feeds.
Hang on in there if you want to.

Original poster
CoalCraft · 18/10/2022 06:32

namechangeforsexchat · 18/10/2022 06:26

Have you got a haaka?

When I was breastfeeding I would always pop a haaka on the breast baby wasn't on, and this would catch my letdown, avoid leaking and help with engorgement, the bonus obviously being that I then had easy expressed milk!

I did this pretty much every time in the early days and would get at least 8oz per day (I had a big supply though!)

I've thought about this but one if the things I hated about pumping for DD1 was all the faff of cleaning and what not. Do you have a system for that that makes it easy? Am intrigued but don't want to invest if I won't end up using it.

OP posts:
namechangeforsexchat · 18/10/2022 06:36

@CoalCraft I found it totally unfaffy as it's literally one piece to wash. We used bottles (to feed expressed milk, generally DH would give 1 per day), so DHs job was to wash the haaka and bottle and we had a Milton cold water steriliser next to the sink that everything got chucked into then taken out when it was needed.

It will help your leaking for sure. But also things DO calm down, I remember asking my friends will this ever end?! I would wear 3 breast pads to bed every night (on each boob!) and still leak 🤣

Oranges555 · 18/10/2022 06:43

Haaka is great, it’s just one piece and as it’s breast milk you can just wash with soap and water and pop on side.

I felt the exact same as you OP and I had exactly everything you’re describing I will say about 4 months in my boobs just magically adjusted and went back to being normal boobs. I think once they start dropping some of the night feeds my body stopped producing that milk at that time. I then ended up feeding until 7 months when baby stopped himself! Maybe try stopping her burping then switching sides so she’s taking abit from
both sides each feed? It does get better! But if you’re not happy don’t feel any guilt in stopping do what’s best for you!

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