To think lactating sucks

[CoalCraft]

Just that really. I have an ebf 10 week old who's doing great. You should see the rolls on this kid's arms and legs. Actually feeding her is fine, mostly. It's a bit annoying that it always has to be me and when she's cluster feeding and I don't get a chance to play with my toddler it can be a bit frustrating, but on the other hand it's very convenient not to have to faff about with bottles and stuff.

So it's not the feeding itself I have a problem with, it's everything else. Let me make a list.

• Painful breast engorgement every single night. When she goes down around 8pm my boobs are empty. By midnight they're painfully engorged. She feeds once or twice in the night but only ever from one side at a time and she doesn't come close to draining it, so the discomfort continues well into the next morning.

• The fact that the other breast always leaks when feeding.

• Even worse, the random painful letdowns that can happen at any time of day with no provocation whatsoever.

• Because of the above two, having to take breast pads with me absolutely everywhere.

• Having to wear a bra literally all the time. The only time I don't wear one is in the shower. Otherwise it's always in case of a letdown, even during sex.

• Not being able to sleep on my tummy - the way I'm most comfortable normally

• Always having to consider boob access when getting dressed - my wardrobe has become very small.

• The vaginal dryness.

• The fact that my husband can't touch my boobs at all during sex for fear of triggering a letdowns. See also above about wearing bras during sex.

• The BO. I thought it must just be me, but I looked online and nope, it's a thing. Your armpit sweat gets smellier, apparently to help baby find the boob. Wtf. I find it hard to deal with.

• Always having to think about what I'm putting in my body and whether it could affect baby, e.g. limiting caffeine intake.

• Always being just slightly damp.

• Having to drink water CONSTANTLY.

• At least I have an excuse to eat more though, which is great, and I'm probably already slimmer than I was pre-pregnancy. Gotta be grateful for the little things I guess.

I'm sure there's more. I'm going to persevere till at least four months out of sheer stubbornness as that's how long I exclusively pumped for DD1 (that was so much worse - all the above downsides with none of the upsides), and see how I feel then, but I'm definitely looking forward to stopping.

@Hungrycaterpillarsmummy you can wear normal bras! I'm breastfeeding a toddler and a newborn and I have H boobs too. Never really bothered with nursing bras.

I have huge boobs when BFing but I just wear a nursing vest from Asda/H&M. Never got on with nursing bras and I prefer the one up, one down clothing method as I've always found nursing clothes fiddly. But I don't mind getting my boobs out I suppose

I get the occasional leak but I don't find it that annoying. I had to use bottles with DD1 for a while as we had issues getting BF established and that was my least favourite part of the whole feeding 'journey', so to me breastfeeding is orders of magnitude more easy, especially now we are 4 months in with DD2 and she feeds efficiently and quickly and my boobs very rarely get engorged.

But parenting young children is inconvenient sometimes whatever you do I think! That's just part of having kids.

Ha! Yes me too. I have absolutely zero sex drive or desire to have anything about that area currently. It was the same with DD1. I think I was at least six months before I entertained anything of that nature!

Thank you all for your solidarity and encouragement. I don't want to give the impression that I'm having a really miserable time or anything. There are many inconveniences but the same is true with formula feeding as I know from experience, and I do think breastfeeding easier, albeit only just. If it did get too much I would stop and not feel any guilt, but I know I'd be annoyed with myself if I didn't make it to at least four months, and it sounds like it'll probably be better by then anyway.

I definitely want to avoid pumping if possible since it would surely only increase supply. Breast shells that just catch passive letdown from the other b

(And I've had two sections so it's not even about any damage done down there or anything like that. The thought just made me )

Posted too soon...

... From the other boob while feeding sound great and I'll look into them.

As for the sex, eh I like sex! It's only been like four times since baby was born though. It's not like I'm some sort of sex fiend!

All these things are pretty crap OP but I found with both mine it all stopped around 3m and then BFing was pretty hassle free.

I didn't have most of those issues. It was convenient, good for baby. Certainly NOT the bonding circle of love thing some people go on about though.
If you don't like it stop.

I can also recommend the haaka. Just chuck it on the other side whilst the baby feeds overnight especially. Throw the milk out if you don’t want the faff.

Oh, and I promise it’s much simpler than pumping and can be sterilised in a microwave bag. Honestly the easiest but of BF for me!

Agree, I hated lactating. The convenience of combi-feeding kept me at it for 5 or 6 months a piece and I was very happy to stop both times.

I'm way past BF now but your post did remind me how very mammalian it all is.
It's a short period of your life though and pretty amazing all things considered.

Right now your body is prioritising the needs of your baby. It will settle down, though some of the things won't go until you stop BF.

Hopefully you can find a way to accommodate the changes needed to your wardrobe, your sex life etc.

Unless you're ignoring your toddler entirely, he/she won't mind.

YANBU, I had all those side effects too. Constantly sweaty, thirsty and tired. Painful letdowns and rock hard boobs. Awful. I’m pregnant again, 3 months of breastfeeding is my goal to impart the health benefits then see how I feel.

I could not agree more. I love it overall but there are a lot of downsides! The continual bra wearing was a shock first time round. Painful letdown was a shock second time. BO omg so bad

A lot of what you’ve described will likely settle loads in the next month or two, even if you have quite a high supply which it sounds like you do.
you could see your GP regarding the vaginal dryness and ask for some topical oestrogen which can do wonders in this situation.
Also I got away with nursing vests at night (the H&M / new look style ones with a supportive shelf in). They were just enough to give a bit of support and hold nursing pads in place, but move comfy than most bras.
if particularly engorged I used a Hakka or shell on the other side while feeding, but tried to avoid making a habit of it as it can increase your supply I think.

If the engorgement continues, you could try block feeding - just feed from one side for a block of time, then the other. Apparently the breasts then realise they’re full more and might reduce your supply a bit. Definitely discuss with la leche league or BFN as you don’t want to reduce supply too much - but it worked for me about the 5 month mark when everyone kept saying my supply would settle on its own but it just didn’t! I think DD must have had an excellent latch.

Yes but it gets better and then it’s just wonderful, it’s honestly been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

Yes it's pretty grim, I remember it with shudders and gave up before I wanted after a run in with an electric pump that resulted in it being smashed on the ground 😳 Anywho it's the biological norm - or should be considered so anyway - so well done for putting yourself through all the shite! You'll be glad when it's over but also glad you persevered.

I loved breastfeeding. ❤️

Oh, just to be clear @CoalCraft, YANBU! It’s weird and primal and bloody painful at times!

YANBU I found no part of breastfeeding a magical, bonding, higher being experience.
I hated the leaking, the gross sodden pads I had to fish out of my bra multiple times a day, the engorgement, not being able to go braless all quite grim.

As someone with low milk supply and slow letdown (even pumping twelve times a day didn't bring it up) I'm reading this with envy, but I guess it must actually suck, just not in a way I can understand.

The thing I find difficult about breastfeeding is that the baby won't let me carry him in a sling without fussing, whileas his dad can no problem.

This isn't meant to be unfriendly btw. I think we were on some of the pregnancy threads together, like August babies, though mine was July.

I guess there are problems with how breastfeeding is presented as magical, calm, bonding, which I guess it can be, but there's so much more to it.

Also the thing about your sweat smelling worse is really interesting. I noticed that then thought, no way can that be a thing.

I didn’t leak a drop and I fed for 26 months, not a single breast pad used. But on the flip
side I couldn’t express a single drop. They only worked for DD!
No engorgement either. Letdown pain only for the first few weeks then all fine. I’d mentally prepared for BF to be hard but although tiring it was actually enjoyable.

I did stink and drink lots too but my fanny wasn’t dry. Mind you I rarely got any time not feeding to have any sex….

Just coming back to say isn’t vaginal dryness a consequence of childbirth? Mine definitely didn’t recover between babies - I thought it was normal to just need loads of lube post babies?