To think lactating sucks

[CoalCraft]

Just that really. I have an ebf 10 week old who's doing great. You should see the rolls on this kid's arms and legs. Actually feeding her is fine, mostly. It's a bit annoying that it always has to be me and when she's cluster feeding and I don't get a chance to play with my toddler it can be a bit frustrating, but on the other hand it's very convenient not to have to faff about with bottles and stuff.

So it's not the feeding itself I have a problem with, it's everything else. Let me make a list.

• Painful breast engorgement every single night. When she goes down around 8pm my boobs are empty. By midnight they're painfully engorged. She feeds once or twice in the night but only ever from one side at a time and she doesn't come close to draining it, so the discomfort continues well into the next morning.

• The fact that the other breast always leaks when feeding.

• Even worse, the random painful letdowns that can happen at any time of day with no provocation whatsoever.

• Because of the above two, having to take breast pads with me absolutely everywhere.

• Having to wear a bra literally all the time. The only time I don't wear one is in the shower. Otherwise it's always in case of a letdown, even during sex.

• Not being able to sleep on my tummy - the way I'm most comfortable normally

• Always having to consider boob access when getting dressed - my wardrobe has become very small.

• The vaginal dryness.

• The fact that my husband can't touch my boobs at all during sex for fear of triggering a letdowns. See also above about wearing bras during sex.

• The BO. I thought it must just be me, but I looked online and nope, it's a thing. Your armpit sweat gets smellier, apparently to help baby find the boob. Wtf. I find it hard to deal with.

• Always having to think about what I'm putting in my body and whether it could affect baby, e.g. limiting caffeine intake.

• Always being just slightly damp.

• Having to drink water CONSTANTLY.

• At least I have an excuse to eat more though, which is great, and I'm probably already slimmer than I was pre-pregnancy. Gotta be grateful for the little things I guess.

I'm sure there's more. I'm going to persevere till at least four months out of sheer stubbornness as that's how long I exclusively pumped for DD1 (that was so much worse - all the above downsides with none of the upsides), and see how I feel then, but I'm definitely looking forward to stopping.

@theotherfossilsister Yes, I remember you! I hope you're doing well ❤️

Yes I can totally understand that if I was having trouble with supply or letdown I'd be grateful to have the problems I do. I obviously in no way meant to belittle or offend those who had/have trouble breastfeeding. Just having a little whinge really!

The smelly sweat is pretty grim isn't it? DH assures me he hasn't noticed but I'm sure he's just being nice 🤢

Another recommendation for the breast shells - mine were Philips Avent ones and they really helped me at first. I'm five months in with my second and she eats a LOT more than the first so I feel like I'm feeling my way slightly, even though I've done it before. I still get hard breasts, especially after DD's been cluster feeding, but it's nothing like it was in the first sixteen weeks.

I am glad to breastfeed in the sense that I know it's good for DD for a number of reasons, and also because I cba with bottles and mixing and stuff, but it is a fucking slog and YANBU to have a moan about it. It has many shitty facets, even while it has its good points. I, too, am fed up of being rooted at ALL THE TIME, and smelling of Parmesan because DD is basically an overflowing little bucket of slightly sour milk, and only being able to wear a quarter of my usual clothes because I need easy access to the milk bar, and the fact that I am the main soother because as soon as DD squeaks people go 'Oh, must be hungry!' and hand her back over, even when she might need her nappy changing or just fancy a cuddle or change of view so there's a baby on me at least fourteen hours a day.

As with many things in life, the fact that we do it willingly doesn't mean that it's not also a bit shit.

I used to go to bed wearing a sports bra and breast pads and soak through them and leave huge wet patches on the sheets. I ended up sleeping on two large towels stretched out. I also didn’t realise how weak I would feel breastfeeding - I was so skinny, pale and tired all the time. My sister is the same when bfing. There are clear benefits but I wish the downsides could be discussed on here more - there seem to be so many posters with strong emotional ties to bfing that they take even another person’s story as some kind of personal insult.

Why do you think bottles are a faff? You wash them once a day and sterilize using some gadget which keeps its sterile for 24 hours.

YANBU. For some people breastfeeding works out great and they enjoy it. For some people it's an absolute nightmare.

I found that in all of our pre-baby research, attending classes etc., not one person spoke about the downsides of breastfeeding, or that it doesn't work for everyone and some people don't produce enough milk to sustain their baby. It's really shocking tbh. We need to move away from trying to force bf on everyone and towards an open and empathetic model where people are given evidence based info and supported to achieve their feeding goals if at all possible.

There aren't any proven longterm benefits to babies from breastfeeding (I know this will upset some but the evidence is clear) so by all means continue if it works for you, but at least you know there are other options if it gets too much.

When I moved Dd onto bottles, it was ‘faff’ for about an hour a day but the rest of the day was a lot easier. Whereas with breastfeeding there was no ‘preparation’ required but it was faffy- changing tops when I leaked, trying to latch the baby in public without getting my whole boob out (I’ve got big boobs), wearing feeding-suitable clothing, being tied to a chair feeding etc

I get you on some of this - my son is 8 weeks old and EBF with expressed milk bottle top-ups. You need a breast pump, ideally two - an electric pump and a much cheaper option of a Haakaa style pump. Let me explain.

The silicone Haakaa style pumps are just soft squeeze bottles. Whilst feeding your baby on one side, you squeeze the bottle and attach it to the other breast and it stays put by suction, collecting milk from that let-down. They are ridiculously easy to wash and sterilise with no fiddly parts to put together. I highly recommend the Lansinoh silicone pump which comes with a lid to prevent spills and a lanyard so you can attach it round your neck for added security (prevents spills if baby accidentally kicks it off or it loses suction). I was so sceptical at first but when feeding my baby, at times the silicone pump collects 100mls or more which is almost a full feed for him. His dad can then transfer it to a sterile bottle and feed him whenever.

I also use an electric pump if baby is flat out asleep and I'm feeling too full! I express 100mls or more but don't deliberately drain both breasts just so he can have a breast feed when he wakes up. The silicone Haakaa style pumps really work best for that let-down.

This might be the best option for you. I didn't want my baby to have bottles - even if they contained breast milk - because I was worried he'd either prefer the bottle over the breast or otherwise lose the skill of breastfeeding directly. I was forced into it when he was failing to gain weight and has since been chunking out nicely. I've been able to reduce the bottle feeds as a result and it is working well for us. He only has one, occasionally two bottles of expressed milk a day now.

I can't help with a few of your concerns but collecting milk that you're otherwise losing is a good option. Not being so full all the time may reduce how much you leak during and between feeds too.

I agree - the convenience of having a feed ready on tap with no preparation and served at the perfect temperature is just irresistible! The other many benefits amaze me constantly. It can be a wonderful experience if you find ways to adapt with the pitfalls.

You don't have to breastfeed if it becomes too stressful but if you want to continue you need to find ways to make it work for you without so much inconvenience. A breastfeeding support service might be able to help too. A great one is Maddie's Miracles on Facebook. I've had a free video conversation with one of their lactation consultants too when my baby was only a week old and the advice was worth its weight in gold. It has turned things around for us.

Good luck.

There aren't any proven longterm benefits to babies from breastfeeding (I know this will upset some but the evidence is clear)

I'm not upset by this (I've done both breastfeeding and formula feeding with both my DC) but you're simply wrong. There are long term public health benefits to breastfeeding in regards to chronic diseases. It's also poor framing to speak of the "benefits" of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is the biological norm and should be seen as such. It's the potential risks of formula that should be highlighted.

Bottles (or more specifically formula feeding) is a right faff! At least while you're out. You've got to carry a big tub of formula around with you, source hot water, make sure you bring enough sterile bottles, etc., etc. It's just a lot more to carry than just... A pair of boobs. Yes you can use the ready made stuff, but those are hugely expensive, and with DD1 I still had to find a way to heat it as she wouldn't have it cold.

Even at home, it's more trouble getting up and preparing a bottle than just whipping out a boob, even with the marvellous Perfect Prep machine handy.

Then again, at least I didn't smell! 😁

There aren't any proven longterm benefits to babies from breastfeeding (I know this will upset some but the evidence is clear)

What? I'm not upset, just baffled.

The BO. I thought it must just be me, but I looked online and nope, it's a thing. Your armpit sweat gets smellier, apparently to help baby find the boob. Wtf. I find it hard to deal with.

I am BF atm and thought this recently, I had no idea it was a thing!

The let downs, leaking and engorgement all went for me by 4 months. Then it became a breeze. However I most definitely didn't enjoy the hormonal changes, the smell, the dryness, the weight gain (and no I didn't lose it). I also loved how easy and accessible it was but then how needy my LO become at night. I persevered till 22 months and am so glad I did but it was definitely the hardest thing for me re parenting.

Actually there are. You've chosen to believe there aren't to alleviate some guilt maybe?

But even on formula bottles they state breast is best. Sorry!

Stop doing it then.

I agree @Hungrycaterpillarsmummy ... Of COURSE breast milk is best for your baby. Anyone with a modicum of common sense knows that. But it's NOT best if you can't do it properly, you're not providing enough milk, and the mum is highly distressed, and in pain and discomfort. But yeah, the mummy's breast milk is better than bottled milk. Obviously!

@LeningradSymphony

There aren't any proven longterm benefits to babies from breastfeeding (I know this will upset some but the evidence is clear)

That is utter nonsense, and you know it. If you CAN'T breastfeed for some reason, then fine, bottle feeding is OK, and like I said, it's no good breastfeeding if it's causing distress to the mum.

But don't spout utter bullshit like that. Saying breast milk does not have more benefits than bottled milk. Of COURSE breast milk is going to be better! There is FUCK-ALL 'evidence' to say bottled milk is as good as breast milk.

@Hungrycaterpillarsmummy is what I meant by the very defensive responses you get when saying anything that isn’t 100% positive about bfing 🤷🏼‍♀️

I came in here as I misread the title as "To think lactating ducks..."

I'm really disappointed that you don't have a theory on lactating ducks.

WTH - even a thread which is about the down sides of BF posted mostly by people who have BF ends up in a bun fight!

The benefits far outweigh the cons for me. The leaking stops eventually, when your body gets into the swing of things and realises how much baby will take. I'm 9 months into breastfeeding now and the leaking is behind me, thank goodness! No need for pads now and no annoying leaking at night!

IThose things all go away eventually, plus I’d rather put up with all of that than pay for and make up bottles 😂 and never have to get out of bed with breastfeeding at night.
2 years breastfeeding here and I’ve loved 90% of it, but the start is a bit annoying with the engorgement!

Thank you for helping me make the decision to not try bf my second :)

It reminds me how my DF’s wife, at the time in her 40s (it was 20 years ago) and having grown up in the States was trying to convince me that honey nut cornflakes etc were exactly as beneficial as oats for breakfast, and that any grain cooking was for people stuck in the past and not aware of modern progressive foods.

If a calf doesn’t get colostrum within the first hour (or is it 20 min?) of being born, it will die. The fact that humans evolved enough to survive on artificial alternatives to breast milk is great, but formula is just that, survival food.

However the mother’s well-being is as crucial for the baby as food, and sometimes it could be the right decision for the mother to not breastfeed if it eases her life. The baby would be better off than with potentially a resentful mother hating motherhood because of the breastfeeding

@hereyougoagain they haven’t ‘evolved’ to do it - formula has only been mainstream for under 100 years, which isn’t long enough for any kind of evolutionary effect. Breast milk isn’t actually a complete food, it’s a poor source of vitamin D which is why breastfed babies need supplementing.

I don't think that poster was suggesting that formula has caused babies to evolve

babies have been fed supplementary foods for thousands of years, not always with excellent effects. It's not supplementary feeding that caused that tendency, it's just chance that human babies are a bit more hardy than cows.

I'm sure there's probably an artificial colostrum equivalent that orphaned calves can be fed, though.

It's not defensive to state that someone is talking nonsense.