To think lactating sucks

[CoalCraft]

Just that really. I have an ebf 10 week old who's doing great. You should see the rolls on this kid's arms and legs. Actually feeding her is fine, mostly. It's a bit annoying that it always has to be me and when she's cluster feeding and I don't get a chance to play with my toddler it can be a bit frustrating, but on the other hand it's very convenient not to have to faff about with bottles and stuff.

So it's not the feeding itself I have a problem with, it's everything else. Let me make a list.

• Painful breast engorgement every single night. When she goes down around 8pm my boobs are empty. By midnight they're painfully engorged. She feeds once or twice in the night but only ever from one side at a time and she doesn't come close to draining it, so the discomfort continues well into the next morning.

• The fact that the other breast always leaks when feeding.

• Even worse, the random painful letdowns that can happen at any time of day with no provocation whatsoever.

• Because of the above two, having to take breast pads with me absolutely everywhere.

• Having to wear a bra literally all the time. The only time I don't wear one is in the shower. Otherwise it's always in case of a letdown, even during sex.

• Not being able to sleep on my tummy - the way I'm most comfortable normally

• Always having to consider boob access when getting dressed - my wardrobe has become very small.

• The vaginal dryness.

• The fact that my husband can't touch my boobs at all during sex for fear of triggering a letdowns. See also above about wearing bras during sex.

• The BO. I thought it must just be me, but I looked online and nope, it's a thing. Your armpit sweat gets smellier, apparently to help baby find the boob. Wtf. I find it hard to deal with.

• Always having to think about what I'm putting in my body and whether it could affect baby, e.g. limiting caffeine intake.

• Always being just slightly damp.

• Having to drink water CONSTANTLY.

• At least I have an excuse to eat more though, which is great, and I'm probably already slimmer than I was pre-pregnancy. Gotta be grateful for the little things I guess.

I'm sure there's more. I'm going to persevere till at least four months out of sheer stubbornness as that's how long I exclusively pumped for DD1 (that was so much worse - all the above downsides with none of the upsides), and see how I feel then, but I'm definitely looking forward to stopping.

People seem to have real issue with some parts, some the pregnancy, which I found a breeze, some BFing, but I used bottles and found that so awfully fiddly and was relieved with feeding.

Had I found BFing awful perhaps I would have stopped sooner. Because our sanity is important.

I wanted a natural birth but that went extremely to pot! Because my sanity took precedence.

I'd do things differently next time, but BFing is something I offer help on frequently as I learned so much.

But if you find it so difficult your sanity must take precedence.

It makes you remember you're a mammal that's for sure. Think does get easier after 3 months ish but to be honest I was happy to stop. Mine both self weaned at 16 months, one gradually, but the other went cold turkey overnight and couldn't be persuaded to start again. That was unpleasant.

It sounds like you might have over supply so Hakka might not be the best idea as it will encourage letdowns.

I was going to say read up about over supply on kellymom. I used the block feeding technique to get mine to a level where I rarely leaked and wasn’t uncomfortable every early morning - it was a game changer. The baby also preferred it, as letdown and flow were both a bit gentler.

I remember these problems but they do go away after a few months. I’m nearly 4 years in and have none of these side effects now. It’s quite incredible really.

It does get easier, most of the discomfort of the early days settles down and goes away.

Since you're only at 10 weeks I would not worry about oversupply yet - wait and see if it settles down at 3-4 months, if it doesn't then looking at the oversupply issue could help.

I got used to considering boob access when choosing clothes and it's not an issue any more (BF DS1 for 4 years, and been continuously BF for another, separate 4y now over 2 DC) I very quickly learned what constitutes access in normal clothes and haven't bothered with nursing wear.

I don't worry about what I eat - only medication (and there's very little medication it's unsuitable to take). Caffeine etc all fine. I do avoid alcohol but that's not because of breastfeeding, it's because of co-sleeping (and because dealing with a hangover with small kids is a pain).

The dryness is fucking annoying but I did grin a bit when you complained about dampness because I do enjoy the respite from pant dampness - I usually seem to produce enough vaginal mucuous for a lube factory.

Yep, even though it's an amazing thing to do it is a huge commitment and sacrifice to make at the same time. I'm going to add that for me the most annoying thing was that I still got periods whilst lactating so I didn't even get that relief 🙄

I found it utterly revolting. I had a visceral reaction to it, so didn’t do it.

Whinge away man. The early days are never fun. It settles down though.

I'm more impressed you're having sex 10 weeks PP. I know people do but the thought makes me want to cross my legs.

I don’t wear a bra to bed, it’s miserable! I just lay on a cotton waterproof mat that gets changed daily!

I'm sorry you're having so many difficult side effects. Not very helpful but I had none of these issues, even breast size settled down after a week or so.

I never experienced feeling damp constantly, or worrying about clothes - I'd probably not have worn dresses that couldn't be accessed from the top but otherwise, I wore what I wanted & never wore tops specially for b/f

The BO puzzles me. I never experienced this nor did I ever hear anyone else mention it.

It sounds like you are doing great at it so I hope it all settles down soon.

Ugh the constant dampness, the spray, one boob comically bigger than the other when he’s only fed from one side…and to top it all off, my body will not shed these last 5kg, whilst breastfeeding, no matter what I do!

But I’m when you put it all in perspective, it’s pretty magical that my body is making this little one grow bigger every day and developing his brain and helping him learn to smile and giggle and grip - so really, I’ll put up with being a bit fatter and a bit damp for a few months!

In my experience things got much easier around 6 months. I think if you’ve only pumped/breastfed for 4 months then you’ve probably done the hard bit but not reaped the real rewards (for you I mean, not for the baby who obviously benefits from breast milk at all stages).

My youngest is now 8 months old and I don’t have to wear a bra all the time, don't wear breast pads all the time, don’t have random letdowns, don’t smell (as far as I know 😅), don't feel thirsty all the time, don't get engorged and painful breasts. All of that was just the first few months or so for me and now my body feels more balanced and in tune with what my baby needs. Also starting solids does change things a little.

It should settle in the near future.
I had oversupply with DS2. I wonder if it was because of DS1's CMPA and using oat milk to replace dairy in our diets.

The worst bit for me was the mastitis (triggered by DS2's feeds being disrupted by bronchioitis) which then caused Reynauds of the nipple, nicely timed in November ready for the whole winter. When I fed off that side I ended up with awful stabbing pains after. I then ended up feeding a 2:1 ratio off my good side and having lop-sided breasts until I stopped feeding. I had two bottle refusers, and was relucrant to stop feeding DS2 before 12m due to DS1's experience of CMPA. By 12m we were coping and I continued to 20m.

Overall I liked the convienience and spontenaity and not factor bottles in. Having an allergenic family it was good to be able to go down that optimal route. It certainly wasn't pain-free though!

Sounds awful, I’m so glad I bottle fed.

@EarringsandLipstick I’ve only noticed this recently, 3 months pp - once the initial postpartum night sweats calmed down I thought I was okay but really noticing that I smell sweaty again in the mornings! Never heard this anywhere either so interesting that OP mentioned it, never put it down to breastfeeding.

I’m so with you it sucks! But seriously you really don’t have to worry about caffeine, you could drink ten buckets full and the amount in your breast milk would be negligible.

There does come a point where boobs stay soft and just produce milk when asked for, rather than before a feed. That's when it's plain sailing. No leaks and normal bras again.

The rock hard boobs and the squirting do settle down after a few months, so will probably settle down quite soon for you OP.

I introduced a bottle in the evenings when my DS2 was about 4 months and that helped with the cluster feeding and the feeling that feeding was all on me. Either expressed milk or if I hadn't had time (or inclination) to pump that day then formula. Sterilising the bottle and getting it ready etc not such an operation when it's only once a day.

I'm impressed that you are thinking about sex at 10 weeks PP!

This just happens in the first few months, by 4-6m it changes and then it changes again. Always getting easier and easier.
However I do hate BF but I still do it anyway

Normal bras?? No you need feeding bras still. Unless you have small breasts maybe? I have HH so not easy to whip out! 🤣

As everyone else said, after 3 months milk isn’t in your breasts and only comes up on demand.

Eventually breasts are as soft as if you aren’t breastfeeding, maybe ever so slightly fuller (if you aren’t doing any extra pumping on top of BF)

One of the lesser known benefits of BF it is a contributing factor to a thorough jaw development, consequently potentially better face structure (bottle feeding doesn’t allow for enough time in suckling and also you can overfeed formula but you can’t overfeed breast milk, it “waters itself down” if there’s too much production going on, so bf babies do tend to suckle far more), which means much higher chances of naturally straight teeth because there’s no overcrowding.

That alone would be an argument for me to persevere, I didn’t enjoy bf but pushed on with all mine(5) between 7 months and 2.5 years(that one was for the baby who never accepted the bottle)

If anyone wants the dental link you probably can search on the internet yourself, I read the summary of one American dentist’s doctorate on the subject years ago, there might be more info now (or less- because the formula companies would rather it wasn’t looked into)

Patronising

It will get better! Your boobs will settle down and you'll be able to sleep on your front again soon. I hear you on the let down during sex thing, though - I remember DH having to hand me a towel to hold over my boobs on one occasion! I also spent a while trying things like sleeping on a towel or a mat under the sheet or whatever. It did calm down, though. I went to H&M and bought a few £2.99 stretchy longline vests and just wore one under a normal top, then pulled top up and vest down.

Instead of a haakaa pump, have you seen those breast shell things? You don't want to stimulate let down with a pump but the shells can just be stuck into the side you aren't feeding from and catch any overflow, and you can pour it into a bottle.

Oh one thing I just remembered. I wore bras to bed and I was always leaking through them.
One night I didn't wear a bra and I didn't leak at all! I think bras push your milk out.
So if anyway has that problem I recommend removing your bra. I just sleep with a nightshirt now and have never ever leaked since :)