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Original poster

Charismatic people

122 replies

Excitedforchristmasnow · 17/10/2022 22:38

How do you become charismatic ?
What is special about them?

For example, there’s a mum I vaguely know, who just has this *Presence about her that’s hard to explain. Yes, she’s attractive and wealthy, successful etc, but so are many that I know and often more beautiful.
When she comes into the room/area, her aura fills the place…it’s difficult to explain,

What makes people charismatic?

OP posts:
SavoirFlair · 17/10/2022 22:39

YABU

ThatshallotBaby · 17/10/2022 22:40

Million dollar question that.

SirBlobby · 17/10/2022 22:53

No idea! But I'd love to know.
Can't say it's confidence only because those I know with it don't have iron clad self esteem either. It's just a difficult quality to fake!

YouWereGr8InLittleMenstruators · 17/10/2022 22:54

I'm not sure you can cultivate charisma. DC1 definitely has it; it is a weird magnetic quality which draws people in. People notice her in groups, go out of their way to connect with her, are curious about her and remember her for a long time. She just has a really strong presence which attracts people who want to be in on whatever she's into.
In contrast, DC2, despite being perfectly lovely, does not even remotely possess this quality.

MsTSwift · 17/10/2022 22:57

You’ve either got it or you haven’t sadly! Most of us haven’t. Apparently Bill Clinton and princess diana were super charismatic - even those that professed to not like them were blown away when they actually met them!

expandabandband · 17/10/2022 22:58

Some of the most charismatic people I have met have also been among the most damaged.

I work in tv…

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 17/10/2022 22:59

You’ve either got it or you haven’t

I agree with that having been in awe of so many charismatic people in my workplace and trying to work out what they have that I don't. I think of it as the 'X factor'

toulet · 17/10/2022 23:03

I don't think you can learn it but watching a close family member who has it they are very good at engaging with people, acting like they are interested in them, making jokes to smooth out awkward situations, just generally putting people at ease. Tbh I think it can also be quite manipulative.

Backtoblack1 · 17/10/2022 23:22

Some people just have ‘it’

LeMoo · 17/10/2022 23:32

Agree - its like maybelline, except you wont find it in a tube of mascara.

My sibling was born with it, I was not !

Freetodowhatiwant · 17/10/2022 23:37

You can absolutely develop it. I know of a very shy child who was too scared to speak to adults and who one day said to herself this isn’t working, I am going to pretend to be confident. And from that day onwards… yada yada yada… but people always say how charismatic she is now and how she stands out in a crowd. She’s outgoing and engages with people and smiles a lot and also dresses well. Not always smart but always something quite cool about the outfit even it’s just joggers on the school run.

kittenkipping · 17/10/2022 23:40

I don't know. I've met people I find charismatic, and others dont and vice versa. My husband and I were particularly divided by one "celebrity", who I found so funny, interesting and would spend every moment they allowed me talking to them. Dh found her dull and overly extrovert- that's happened a few times. I have met the current prince of wales (to me gormless and disjointed) and his wife (camilla- very engaging and down to earth) the general public consensus in my neck of the woods is that she is a charisma free Bitch. I really don't agree.

LeMoo · 17/10/2022 23:41

kittenkipping · 17/10/2022 23:40

I don't know. I've met people I find charismatic, and others dont and vice versa. My husband and I were particularly divided by one "celebrity", who I found so funny, interesting and would spend every moment they allowed me talking to them. Dh found her dull and overly extrovert- that's happened a few times. I have met the current prince of wales (to me gormless and disjointed) and his wife (camilla- very engaging and down to earth) the general public consensus in my neck of the woods is that she is a charisma free Bitch. I really don't agree.

Confused - current or previous Prince of Wales?

Do you mean Charles or William?

Passmethecrisps · 17/10/2022 23:41

My best pal has this. She fills every space she is in but does it in a way which makes you feel like you are the most important person she has ever met. I say she is my best pal. I know I am one of 100 people who will see her as their best pal.

beyond her natural personality she also works very hard. She remembers details, notes them down if she has to.

she is intellectually sharp meaning that she can participate in most conversation and if she can’t will drag it out of you.

being around her and watching her has rubbed some of it off. But at heart I am an introvert and can only keep it up for a very short while

Kanaloa · 17/10/2022 23:43

I think it’s just one of those things. If it was easy to pinpoint everyone would be charismatic! I do think somebody has to be reasonably confident to be charismatic. Other than that I’m not sure. When I think of charismatic people I know they don’t really have a common type of behaviour or appearance.

FictionalCharacter · 17/10/2022 23:44

Not sure if charisma and presence are the same thing, but Princess Diana definitely had presence. I saw her on the street once in London near a shop where she was known to buy clothes for her sons. She was chatting and laughing with her bodyguard, walking fast, and I just thought "wow, who's that?!" before realising. You just had to look at her. It was like she was lit up by an inner light.
I saw Darcey Bussell on and off stage in her dancing days, she had it. When she was on stage it was hard to look at anyone else. Margot Fonteyn was said to have it big time.
I'm the opposite, invisible and charisma-less!

GuyMontag · 17/10/2022 23:45

I think it's partly a certain air of confidence but a lot of it is genuinely being interested in and paying attention to other people. Most of us like people who pay attention to us.

So, following up replies with questions. But in a charming way ; no Gestapo style. Slight familiarities but nothing disrespectful - shows warmth. Remembering information about who you're talking to - makes them think they are interesting and also that you care.

If you can get a quick connection through such behaviour, that makes people well disposed towards you and makes them think that you are special.

doittwice · 17/10/2022 23:49

I think they have a twinkle in their eye. The charismatic people I've met are tall and have a twinkle in their eyes and when you talk to them, they kind of draw you in. They aren't necessarily pretty or good looking but they look different, something you haven't seen before.

SirenSays · 17/10/2022 23:52

I know a few people who all make me feel like this. I'd bottle it if I could. I've noticed they use people's names, give good eye contact, smile often, ask genuine questions, really listen and remember what they were told even if its been months.

kittenkipping · 17/10/2022 23:55

Lemoo- you're right. I mean the king. And queen consort I guess. Odd.

doittwice · 17/10/2022 23:55

doittwice · 17/10/2022 23:49

I think they have a twinkle in their eye. The charismatic people I've met are tall and have a twinkle in their eyes and when you talk to them, they kind of draw you in. They aren't necessarily pretty or good looking but they look different, something you haven't seen before.

Also I think they tend to have one feature which is attractive. Maybe only one dimple on one side of the face, maybe a different eye colour you've never seen before, high cheekbones or beautiful like but again this person may not be extremely beautiful but with one feature they stand out. Of course let's not forget the smile. Charismatic people have great smiles I think.

Passmethecrisps · 18/10/2022 00:02

My first proper boss was an incredibly charismatic man. He made everyone feel like they were worth millions. Some twenty years later I met a man who was packed with charisma. Remembered details about people he had met once, talked with passion and a genuine care. In conversation we realised that my first boss was his best pal. I was mind blown - the thought of the two in a room together created visions of vortexes

Pinkittens · 18/10/2022 00:03

toulet · 17/10/2022 23:03

I don't think you can learn it but watching a close family member who has it they are very good at engaging with people, acting like they are interested in them, making jokes to smooth out awkward situations, just generally putting people at ease. Tbh I think it can also be quite manipulative.

Exactly this!! I know someone very charismatic. He has a knack of making you feel like you are very interesting and the only person in the room when he is talking to you. He is most definitely not a sleaze/flirt, and he doesn't give the impression of doing it knowingly, it isn't like that. I also know someone (for contrast) who is very good at smoothing social situations, polite, charming and jolly nice and personable, but I wouldn't say he was charismatic. Nearly but not quite. The charismatic one makes you feel seen.

NoodleSoup12 · 18/10/2022 00:09

My brother is charismatic. I don’t notice it — he’s very funny, that’s the only thing — but his in laws (our age) and his friends all defer to him/look at him all the time while we are together. It’s like he’s the big brother they want to be (he’s my little brother, maybe that’s why I don’t feel this way!). His DC2 is the same — all the kids want to be their friend and they are very outgoing, but calm about it. I’m not like them (not calm at all) BUT… I turn it on at work when I have certain meetings! Without controlling myself, I ramble and blush a LOT, but in these meetings I’m representing a team and I have to pitch for us — so I slowwww my voice down, have a permanent “warm grin” while describing the project, fix deliberately on the eyes of the lead person we are pitching to, and try to make what we’re pitching sound “enchanting”. I don’t know how they buy it, but they do. So I think you can learn to fake it when you need!!

Pallisers · 18/10/2022 00:10

I think charisma and presence are different. A woman who had a dd in class with my ds (this was years ago) met Bill Clinton at a party and for a while her party piece was imitating Bill Clinton beaming the full force of his personality at her for the minute when he shook her hand and said her name. It was intense apparently. I think that is a charasmatic personality and like a pp said I think that ability to intensely focus on the person in front of you and dominate a room often comes from a place of childhood damage - Clinton, Diana both had this.

I worked for a CEO who had great presence and could really keep a room engaged. He worked very very hard at this. prepared his speeches/talks, practiced them, learned as much as he could about the people he would meet. He was an introvert but he knew what he had to do to engage people. I saw his second in command - an extravert - crashing and burning because he thought the force of his personality and geniality would carry him through without preparation.

The people I gravitate to most are people who are curious about life and the world. I think curiosity is a very underrated quality.