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Original poster

Charismatic people

122 replies

Excitedforchristmasnow · 17/10/2022 22:38

How do you become charismatic ?
What is special about them?

For example, there’s a mum I vaguely know, who just has this *Presence about her that’s hard to explain. Yes, she’s attractive and wealthy, successful etc, but so are many that I know and often more beautiful.
When she comes into the room/area, her aura fills the place…it’s difficult to explain,

What makes people charismatic?

OP posts:
Kissingfrogs25 · 18/10/2022 13:09

Very little use for charisma

Lucyjess · 18/10/2022 13:18

Passmethecrisps · 17/10/2022 23:41

My best pal has this. She fills every space she is in but does it in a way which makes you feel like you are the most important person she has ever met. I say she is my best pal. I know I am one of 100 people who will see her as their best pal.

beyond her natural personality she also works very hard. She remembers details, notes them down if she has to.

she is intellectually sharp meaning that she can participate in most conversation and if she can’t will drag it out of you.

being around her and watching her has rubbed some of it off. But at heart I am an introvert and can only keep it up for a very short while

I love the honesty of this @Passmethecrisps. I have a close friend like this too. It’s like she showers you with glitter.

kingtamponthefurred · 18/10/2022 13:20

I recognise it when I see it, but it doesn't usually work on me.

Beamur · 18/10/2022 13:43

My DSS has quiet charisma. Has done since he was a little boy. He's not loud or extraverted, but people just like him. He makes and keeps friends easily, works hard and is good at what he does. He's a young man now, pleasant looking but in a slight gentle way rather than being highly masculine. Girls literally simper around him, even if he's not really paying them attention 😂
He's just easy to be around, intelligent, sharp but never cruel and always has something interesting to say. He's also very thoughtful and kind with things like gifts.
We always used to joke that we hoped he wouldn't turn out evil with the power of his charm and charisma..
My DD has a lovely friend who is also highly charismatic. Her peers literally follow her around. She's also quite introverted and needs time alone but can be sociable and engaging. DD does some voluntary work alongside her with little kids who absolutely adore her.
With these two it's not 'learned' per se as they've been like this since childhood. It's obviously a successful strategy socially though.

PlinkPlonkFizz · 18/10/2022 13:49

I have it - to my huge surprise, as I'm very shy but I am curious about people, and am intrigued to find out what matters to them and what values they hold. I attract "followers" and believe in my vision for things despite what may seem insurmountable odds.

Others always say I dress well, slightly quirkily and with unusual flashes of anti-fashionable elements that work. In truth, I just wear what I like and I dress for myself.

Other people's opinion of me doesn't phase me, I take very little personally and in tricky situations I usually think of an alternative approach or fix that others can get behind.

I'm uncomfortable in the limelight but love seeing those around me get recognition and thrive.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 18/10/2022 14:02

Passmethecrisps · 17/10/2022 23:41

My best pal has this. She fills every space she is in but does it in a way which makes you feel like you are the most important person she has ever met. I say she is my best pal. I know I am one of 100 people who will see her as their best pal.

beyond her natural personality she also works very hard. She remembers details, notes them down if she has to.

she is intellectually sharp meaning that she can participate in most conversation and if she can’t will drag it out of you.

being around her and watching her has rubbed some of it off. But at heart I am an introvert and can only keep it up for a very short while

This is so lovely!

Can we please share your best friend? Grin

Kissingfrogs25 · 18/10/2022 15:16

I was going to also say in some people it is their 'energy'

They are high energy, positive and vibrant and being with them is like standing in the sunshine.

HRTQueen · 18/10/2022 15:49

BigCheeseSandwich · 18/10/2022 09:20

“Does anyone know a charismatic person who was physically unprepossessing“

Hitler? Not much to look at. Apparently very charismatic in person and electrifying as a speaker.

I thought Hitler and Charles Manson too

the most charismatic person I’ve met is Tony Blair. He had just become the Labour leader. He filled the room with energy and you felt good being in his presence (even my colleague who was a true blue Tory said she might be able to be swayed by him)

I know people who worked in then London mayor office and they have all said the same about Boris Johnson. One hates his with a passion but said once he switched it on you just couldn’t help but want to listen

I think Prince Harry has it (when not being sullen, though can understand why he is) the rest of the royals not at all. Diana certainly did

Greenpolkadot · 18/10/2022 16:16

My gs AGE 24 has this to a degree. He knows lots and i mean lots of people...lights up a room when he walks in. His face lights up when he meets people..makes them feel special.
We could go anywhere and there would be someone there who he knows..

Having said this... he farts just like the rest of us...

Ticksallboxes · 18/10/2022 16:30

IME nearly all charismatic people have a need to be liked by others that overrides everything else in their existence.

Sure most people don't like to be disliked, but most people just don't really think that much about the effect they have on other people. For charismatic people it's hugely important though.

JustDanceAddict · 18/10/2022 16:38

I think you’re born with it.
My teen DS is charismatic- he’s always had a charm about him since babyhood. He would def say he hasn’t, but there’s something about him that people love (it’s obvious he’s grandma’s favourite as well!).
I’ve always said he’ll do well in life cos of his personality - he’s currently working in his year off gaining more valuable people skills!!
He’s got a lovely smile, he’s polite and interested in people with that little ‘extra’!

Ticksallboxes · 18/10/2022 16:39

NoodleSoup12 · 18/10/2022 00:09

My brother is charismatic. I don’t notice it — he’s very funny, that’s the only thing — but his in laws (our age) and his friends all defer to him/look at him all the time while we are together. It’s like he’s the big brother they want to be (he’s my little brother, maybe that’s why I don’t feel this way!). His DC2 is the same — all the kids want to be their friend and they are very outgoing, but calm about it. I’m not like them (not calm at all) BUT… I turn it on at work when I have certain meetings! Without controlling myself, I ramble and blush a LOT, but in these meetings I’m representing a team and I have to pitch for us — so I slowwww my voice down, have a permanent “warm grin” while describing the project, fix deliberately on the eyes of the lead person we are pitching to, and try to make what we’re pitching sound “enchanting”. I don’t know how they buy it, but they do. So I think you can learn to fake it when you need!!

@NoodleSoup12 you should offer lessons on this!!

emanresuymevas · 18/10/2022 16:40

I think there's a fine line between charismatic people and charming people - so fine that it's hard to find sometimes. Charisma is innate, not forced, my DS has it. Everybody remembers him and I'm known as DS's Mother. He's not my only child!

Charm, however, is a decision. It's manipulation. It's hiding something. The trouble is that with some people you really have to get to know them before you can tell the different. And that's a problem because if I get a whiff of charm I'm out of there in a flash.

Charisma = natural characteristic that can't easily be "turned off".
Charm = manipulation, can be turned off just as quickly as it can be turned on.

toulet · 18/10/2022 16:44

i disagree, I always think charismatic people have charm.

toulet · 18/10/2022 16:45

& of course charisma can be bad, lots of leaders have it.

toulet · 18/10/2022 16:48

Yes Harry is a great example, he "steals" the spotlight from other royals. Same as Diana.

antelopevalley · 18/10/2022 17:01

Charismatic people do not steal the spotlight, a strange word to use. Charismatic people can be standing there doing nothing but others still notice them. They do not have to do anything for attention.

Joystir59 · 18/10/2022 17:05

expandabandband · 17/10/2022 22:58

Some of the most charismatic people I have met have also been among the most damaged.

I work in tv…

I'm charismatic. I'm no more damaged than anyone else.

toulet · 18/10/2022 17:05

hence why I put "steal".... plus thought it was quicker than writing Harry without trying garners more spotlight when with other Royals. 😆

toulet · 18/10/2022 17:07

Although I think if Harry stood still & looked at the ground & didn't engage with the crowd he wouldn't be quite so charismatic!

Joystir59 · 18/10/2022 17:08

My nephew is charismatic too, and we love each others company. It's been helpful sometimes as we both work with people. But it's not a guarantee to success.

antelopevalley · 18/10/2022 17:09

Why would Harry stand still and look at the ground at a public event? It would be an exceedingly strange way to act and would garner far more attention for that reason.

Toddlerteaplease · 18/10/2022 17:12

My closest friend is like this. He has a real presence. People stick to him like Velcro. But he's actually incredibly fragile. People just don't see it.

toulet · 18/10/2022 17:12

Clearly I was being facetious but I disagree with the fact you can be standing still & be charismatic.

Toddlerteaplease · 18/10/2022 17:13

toulet · 17/10/2022 23:03

I don't think you can learn it but watching a close family member who has it they are very good at engaging with people, acting like they are interested in them, making jokes to smooth out awkward situations, just generally putting people at ease. Tbh I think it can also be quite manipulative.

That just about sums him up.