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Original poster

Charismatic people

122 replies

Excitedforchristmasnow · 17/10/2022 22:38

How do you become charismatic ?
What is special about them?

For example, there’s a mum I vaguely know, who just has this *Presence about her that’s hard to explain. Yes, she’s attractive and wealthy, successful etc, but so are many that I know and often more beautiful.
When she comes into the room/area, her aura fills the place…it’s difficult to explain,

What makes people charismatic?

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 18/10/2022 00:19

I agree with the split between charisma and presence.

I have seen some fantastic people hold the attention of 300 teenagers with just a step forward and a sense of expectation. Then others who can pull and grab and demand attention. There isn’t a right or wrong. But quite different

Theskyisfullofbirds · 18/10/2022 00:28

I wish I knew! My brother and his eldest child have it, people physically move towards them when they’re in the room without them actually doing or saying anything at all. Me and the youngest child, not so much 🤣

MidnightMeltdown · 18/10/2022 00:38

I think it's a combination of confidence, intelligence, charm and a good sense of humour that are attractive to people.

The most characteristic person I've known was also highly manipulative. Everybody loved them because they had a ability to build strong connections with people. However, these connections usually weren't genuine. Often Mr Characteristic didn't actually even like the people he would build these connections with. They were none the wiser and thought that he was a lovely man!

Want2beme · 18/10/2022 00:52

I don't really know anyone now that I'd describe as charismatic. The MD of a company I worked for was full of it. Even thinking bout him now, 20 odd years later, gives me butterflies. He was handsome, confident, had a smile on a very masculine face that would knock you sideways. He was personable, tough, never cruel and definitely had a twinkle in his eye.

He brought his godchild into the company to do her work experience, and she was exactly the same. So much so, there was speculation that she was actually his🤣

ElLuisa · 18/10/2022 01:00

A pp mentioned Camilla upthread, and I agree. I'm a staunch republican, but know C&C via other people. I've got zero time for the walking whiny blob of petulance that is Charles, but Camilla absolutely twinkles with something really engaging.

HRTQueen · 18/10/2022 01:03

I think it’s something someone has and they can build on it, educating themselves, becoming entertainers, work in politics ….

I think you can make yourself charming but not charismatic

cult and political figures (which are not often that different) are often very charismatic to a point they are hypnotic

Addicted2LoveIsland · 18/10/2022 01:05

SavoirFlair · 17/10/2022 22:39

YABU

🤣🤣🤣

ElLuisa · 18/10/2022 01:06

A friend went to hear Bill Clinton speak before he became president and described him as the most charismatic speaker he'd ever heard.

mackthepony · 18/10/2022 01:06

It's basically like flirting but you do it with everyone

antelopevalley · 18/10/2022 01:06

DP can be very charismatic with people he likes. It is how I noticed him. I went to a party and loads of people there seemed to be clambering to talk to him.
But if he is with people he does not like he is just very quiet. I remember him saying at one workplace he did not stay for long that they must think he is the quietest most boring person ever.
DP has excellent social skills. He is always concerned about group dynamics and nobody feeling left out. He can also be very funny but never unkind. And he is a 100% optimist and quite upbeat, but not in annoying way. And he properly listens to people and does nice things for others.
But he is totally genuine. Charismatic people can also be con artists, abusers and users.
It is about excellent social skills, some energy, and being funny helps.

antelopevalley · 18/10/2022 01:11

He is also very non-judgemental but excellent at spotting users and distancing himself. DP was Head Boy in a school where the pupils voted for the position, even though he is very normal looking and a bit fat. Normally Head Boy and Head Girl went to the prettiest coolest kids and with boys sporty kids. DP is not cool and never was and not sporty! But he got lots of votes because he was generally so well-liked.

antelopevalley · 18/10/2022 01:13

mackthepony · 18/10/2022 01:06

It's basically like flirting but you do it with everyone

I hate people that do that. I think that is people who are charming, not charismatic. It is different. They tend to be either loved by people or disliked based on the flirting.

CuteCillian · 18/10/2022 01:19

I would have said I didn't particularly like Sheridon Smith until I saw her on stage.
In two separate productions, of very different types, when Sheridon came on, it was impossible for me to drag my eyes away from her to look at any other actor. It must be charisma because many others performers alongside her had great talent and stunning looks.

janeseymour78 · 18/10/2022 01:21

I think I'm charismatic (if I do say so myself 😉) and I also believe it can be learned.

To be charismatic, you have to be confident, comfortable in your own skin, passionate about something & show a keen interest in other people. I think this is absolutely key.

The other day my co worker says I always have 'smiley eyes' - despite the shitshow that is the world I always try to remain optimistic and engaged with the person in front of me.

antelopevalley · 18/10/2022 01:28

Con artists often learn to be charismatic. I remember reading con artist who conned people out of big amounts of money saying that people are rarely properly listened to. A lot of people are just waiting for the other person to stop talking so they can say their bit. So really properly listening to someone and showing them that you are can make people like you and trust you very quickly.

blueshoes · 18/10/2022 01:28

I think you have to have a certain physical presence which commands attention. It helps to be tall and unusual looking with strong features.

Does anyone know a charismatic person who was physically unprepossessing?

antelopevalley · 18/10/2022 01:31

@blueshoes My DP.

blueshoes · 18/10/2022 01:32

antelopevalley · 18/10/2022 01:31

@blueshoes My DP.

Is he small and weedy?

ElLuisa · 18/10/2022 01:32

Does anyone know a charismatic person who was physically unprepossessing

Yes! I don't think that physical appearance matters one jot, to be honest.

antelopevalley · 18/10/2022 01:33

No, average height, very average looks, bit fat, dark hair.

Ilovelurchers · 18/10/2022 01:35

See, I think it's much more subjective than a lot of the responses imply. Personally I often tend to instinctively dislike people who are generally considered very "popular" - rightly or wrongly perceiving them to be excessively confident/out-going? Just tend to prefer quieter/ more low key people.

Also noticed that OP lists wealthiness as a charismatic trait. Again, I know unfair but if anything wealthiness puts me off people, it doesn't make me like them more......

antelopevalley · 18/10/2022 01:36

Wealthiness is not necessary for charisma. Sounds like they are describing those over confident wealthy types who take up the room and talk too loud.

WallaceinAnderland · 18/10/2022 01:36

I have learned something about people who seem to have charisma. Yes, they are engaging and charming and draw others to them. But that aura dims when you get to know them well.

You see the same patterns, hear the same stories and see how they gravitate towards new people. It's a bit like love bombing. You are in their spotlight for a short time but they soon turn the charm on someone else. You see them fawn and hear their false laugh. I think charisma is a mask for a lot of people.

blueshoes · 18/10/2022 01:41

ElLuisa · 18/10/2022 01:32

Does anyone know a charismatic person who was physically unprepossessing

Yes! I don't think that physical appearance matters one jot, to be honest.

I cannot think of a single charismatic person who did not draw the eye in some physical way. Then again, charisma is probably in the eyes of the beholder.

equalstime · 18/10/2022 07:00

Is it the subtle quiet air of confidence rather than a loud overbearing style.