Charismatic people

[Excitedforchristmasnow]

How do you become charismatic ?
What is special about them?

For example, there’s a mum I vaguely know, who just has this *Presence about her that’s hard to explain. Yes, she’s attractive and wealthy, successful etc, but so are many that I know and often more beautiful.
When she comes into the room/area, her aura fills the place…it’s difficult to explain,

What makes people charismatic?

There is a proven formula (there’s a book on it somewhere ) - you need:

warmth
presence
authority

if only 1 or 2 are there then it won’t be charisma. For example if you have authority and presence but not warmth then the person is probably more dictatorial than charismatic .

If you think of people who have charisma they will have all of these 3 characteristics. If you think of some who doesn’t have charisma, they are likely lacking in at least one of these.

My ex girlfriend has this. Such a magnetic personality, whenever we went out just us, we'd end up with a crowd of new 'friends'. Very intelligent, funny, approachable, and this extra energy.

She moved to a new country alone with nothing, within days she had an amazing new job and friends. Maybe took her a month to settle totally, with this great job and huge social life!

We're still great friends and I always notice her charisma when we meet up. Magnetic.

And what even is ‘presence’? As a teacher I was told it was a necessary quality in the classroom, but it’s difficult to manufacture.

I know a mum like that too! People are drawn to her. I really don't know what it is. Charisma is like an x factor. Not something you can put in to words but it's obvious if someone has it.

I have a friend like this. She is not even 5ft so it's not height. She is beautiful though.

I don't have it & wouldn't want it, tbh!
Much rather be one of the crowd, or even disappearing into a hedge like Homer Simpson.. ;-)

I think I’ve known about 3 people in my life who I’d describe as charismatic - if they enter a room everybody ends up sitting around them and they somehow are the centre of attention for the event or etc.

Only thing all of them have in common is they are women.

I think that is someone who is charming not charismatic.

I have been thinking about this thread. I was a stand-up comedian for a bit - I wasn't very good at it! But to get better I used to watch a LOT of stand-up comedy to watch what they did.
And there were some people who came on stage and before they told a single joke the audience wanted them to be funny. They already had them on side. I remember one guy that was pretty new to it, his jokes were not that funny, but I knew he would do okay because he radiated likeability. People laughed at even his very weak jokes because they wanted him to be funny. Whereas other people came onto stage who were really funny, but always had to warm up the audience and get them on their side so they laughed.

I used to work with an Irish lady who had charisma. She was very tall, slim and blonde. We went on a work trip to London on the train. At the station cafe a man gave her his phone number on a piece of paper unsolicited ,& she graciously accepted it. I remember when we walked through the crowded platform area the crowds parted when she led the way and I was following in her charisma trailstream residue. You could feel the energy. I found out on the train home that she had a terrible childhood, abuse, 2 of her 3 brothers had committed suicide. I realised this charisma could be a burden as you have nowhere to hide.i'd also be wary of others motives. There was definitely a sexual chemistry thing going on from men. Whereas she appeared vulnerable and fragile to women so they want to protect her. Seemed like a curse

I was taught by someone who knew Oskar Schindler slightly, in the early 1960s, well before the books/film/practically anyone knowing what he'd done. He was no longer young, quite ordinary looking and did nothing to draw attention to himself. However, he could walk quietly into a room and within minutes have a crowd (many of them young women) hanging off his every word. My tutor (who was himself an impressive man) said "the air changed around him" and he had never experienced anything like it.

I've always imagined that's in part at least how he achieved what he did, that, quick thinking and persistence. It really seems a gift as in the original meaning of the word and is I think quite rare.

The kind of charisma as a result of severe abuse is I believe learned as a protective mechanism.
Marilyn Monroe was supposed to be able to turn her charisma on and off.

I've known 2 CEOs with massive charisma. Both 6ft plus. You could see why they got to the top, as everyone gravitated towards them.

But, i then learned how they would spend hours practicing before a speech, making it perfect so they didn't need prompts. Realised how much work they put in, to then on stage seem effortlessly comfortable as if they were just having a conversation off the top of their head with the audience.

I also noticed how they used their charm to get people to do whatever they asked without any push back.

It's true about charismatic people focusing 100% on a person, making you feel very important. But also that something else, an elusive ingredient, that you can't replicate no matter what you try.

I've met many people who had 'presence' too. Different to Charisma but when they entered a room, people stopped and listened. My old History teacher and work colleague who worked in security department spring to mind.

I went to a very rough school. We had an English teacher, a woman who was fat, had messy hair and eczema on her legs - the kind of teacher who some kids would normally try and bully. And yet she could walk into a noisy classroom, do a small cough, and everyone would go quiet and listen. She had such an air of quiet authority.

“Does anyone know a charismatic person who was physically unprepossessing“

Hitler? Not much to look at. Apparently very charismatic in person and electrifying as a speaker.

Agree with this. My exH could turn on the charm. Was a very successful salesman and popular with women although not much to look at.

Also a very selfish and slyly manipulative individual who exploited other people to get what he wanted. Once experienced, his charisma didn't seem so charming anymore.

I agree about the manipulative aspect. I had an ex boyfriend who had a very charismatic personality. He was very quick witted, humorous and people used to flock around him.
He was also an accomplished liar, thief and a conman x

Charisma can be a source for good or harm. Real charisma is rare. Very successful comedians are often charismatic, as are con men.

Julia Robert’s has it a friend saw her in a cinema years ago and before realising who it was said her eyes were drawn to her as were everyone else’s. She kind of glowed.

Is that something that comes with celebrity status though? I'm sure that most Hollywood a listers would give off that vibe.

I might get slated for this - but I’m told a lot I have charism and presence…. For me I know it stems from being the black sheep of my family and not getting the attention at home, so at family gatherings I’d love to go round chatting to everyone and making friends - I can see how this developed as a child.

however it can also make me insecure and a people pleaser which I work really hard not to do - and be authentic and genuine.

I used to people please too much and sometimes that led to me not speaking up, or being friendly with people I didn’t actually like who weren’t nice people - again I’ve worked hard to speak out and follow my own path not needing others approval.

I think it’s only really become apparent to me these past few years how lucky I am, for instance I once saw a thread on here where someone said ‘have you ever been given free things, such as a stranger buying you a round?’
I always get given things! Even today in our canteen the lunch lady decided to give me a free slice of cake today, no reason just handed to me with a smile! Other times I get given free drinks etc, So yeah it’s brilliant - oh but it also means I’m marmite and some people really don’t like this and don’t get why…., I just try and be nice and send love - but these days don’t bother trying to win them over or be friends as I’m done with being a push over!

Yes this is so true - I can see where I’ve accidentally been too out spoken or forthright in my opinion and it can easily persuade others, which I don’t want.

I purposely try never to give advice or my opinion on anything that could be controversial or negative - except on mumsnet where people actively ask for it!

Unspoken sense of fun/mischief that can usually be seen as a twinkle and/or a smile. Magnetism that creates allure.
It goes well beyond the confines of conventional beauty.

I agree it can also be vulnerability.

Mick Jagger is a good example of this.

I understand that is where it comes from too. An extreme lack of love or abuse can result in the child and teen looking outwardly for love, and discovering they can tap into the affections of others develop a mechanism to recreate this sensation. Intense vulnerability, a need to be 'visible' and 'seen'. Almost always are extremely damaged. If you think about it, to deploy charisma is to seek attention of some kind. Secure people have very little of charisma.