To wonder if Sarah Ockwell Smith actually has any useful advice in her books?

[Spicycurry]

I am sure she is a lovely lady and very good parent.

But I read her sleep book and it pretty much just told me to put up with it until my child slept better.

Ordered her toddler book and it seems to be much of the same.

it is helpful of course to understand where my child is coming from if you like but I am not sure it’s particularly useful to read when at the end of your tether!

or will I be flamed by her fans?

Pseudo science and guilt tripping bullshit at its worst

Chuck it in the bin.

There are a lot of parenting books like this. Ellyn Satter is another which i don't recommend if you have an underweight child that doesnt eat enough.... as her approach seems to be to let them not eat enough and voila, your mealtime battles are over. It doesn't actually result in your child,you know.... eating more.

There is a trend for parenting involving changing your behaviour, rather than the child's. Its based around accepting certain behaviours rather than trying to actually impose your own will and imho results in badly behaved, entitled little tyrants.

I recently read her Between. It has some useful insight about the ‘tween brain, but that’s about it. Rest of it was a bit trite/ over generalised.

Some of it is helpful in the sense that changing your own behaviour can work. So not getting cross with a child for emptying kitchen cupboards but locking them but that’s more common sense than anything else.

But the entire book seems to just be saying to let it go, which can be helpful but you can’t when you’re getting two hours sleep a night on a good night!

I'm not a fan either tbh. I didn't enjoy co-sleeping at all. It did not help us with getting more sleep at all. But a friend of mine swears by it. I'm sure it depends on the baby / family.

There isn't really a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting so it's a matter of taking and leaving what applies to you, I think. There are some helpful points re gentle parenting in her books (especially coming from the perspective of an adult whose parents were neglectful and borderline abusive) but some things are a bit useless and guilt trippy, I agree.

Please don't actually throw books in the bin like unhelpful pp suggested. Give them to a charity shop or sell them on.

*I am sure she is a lovely lady and very good parent.

But I read her sleep book and it pretty much just told me to put up with it until my child slept better.*

I've only read the sleep one but I agree that the take home message seemed to be "suck it up, they're little"

I absolutely hated it. I bought it, in lockdown 1 when my 4th was about 8m. I was on my knees, he was waking 1.5hrly to feed, he hit the "regression" at 4m and never came out the other side.

This book made me feel 100 x worse about myself, i was so cross I asked Amazon for a refund (and I got one!) Because it had zero tips to help him or me get more sleep.

I then bought Precious Little Sleep by Alexis Dubeif and that was a better fit for me.

I agree with OP. I fell into the trap of buying her books in desperation in the beginning as gentle parenting seems to be all the rage. I found it unhelpful and very guilt tripping. I even reached out to her directly with a question and she said oh they aren't advice books and tried to sell me another book. Every one of the books say the same thing as I got a bundle, I was shocked another one was being released and then even more surprised when a few months later she announced yet another non advice book...
Puzzling.

I threw the books out and just started trusting my instincts and doing parenting my way.

Haven't touched a parenting book since because also if I get 5 minutes to read I want to read something fictional and fun!

Can't stand the woman. She is about as judgemental as can be and dresses it all up as 'gentle parenting'. Explicitly states that having a c-section is bad, not breastfeeding means you aren't doing best for your baby, you shouldn't send your child to childcare and by 'sleep training' in any form is tantamount to abuse. Absolutely no consideration for mothers' mental state.

As far as evidence goes, she cherry picks studies to choose her and draws conclusions that are wildly different to that the author has stated. She writes her opinions as though they are facts rather than her opinions. She has no post graduate qualifications and is not a healthcare professional. As a healthcare professional who critiques research for a living, I can confirm she spouts nonsense rather than evidence to back her theories

She gives the full guilt trip if a parent needs 5 minute break from their child.... then later in the same book says self care is important. She talks about importance of routine at one stage... then at another how babies and children should be allowed to sleep when it suits them.

For those who choose to co-sleep until their child is ready to move into their own bed, this could provide some validation but there are far better books and blogs for this. If you genuinely need some help for sleep/discipline/eating/potty training, avoid her entirely. There are lots of excellent books out there for all types of parenting.

FWIW I don't think any lovely ladies or good parents would be so smug and judgemental about other ways of doing things. You can be an excellent gentle parent without taking every opportunity to put others down

Sarah Ockwell Smith is a c-section shamer and a working mum shamer. As a mum who works full time and had an ELCS I have no time for her whatsoever.

Also, DS was a "good" sleeper and she claims that babies that sleep well...don't exist? And that babies that like to sleep aren't normal? That was baffling to me. DS never woke up 10-12 times a night except when he was sick, I don't think that makes him some kind of freak of nature.

I found a lot of pregnancy/birth/parenting books patronizing though, so perhaps I'm not the best one to judge.

@morechocolateneededtoday interesting! I have been recommended her books and follow her on Instagram- what does she say about c sections?!

I have a friend who constantly quotes her but has a 4 year old who tantrums, doesn't sleep and constantly wets herself. Her husband is in despair at the complete lack on discipline and I'm getting to the stage of not wanting my son to play with her daughter as she is so unpleasant to him. The Sarah OS reviews on Amazon are good for a laugh though.

You don’t need a book. Newborns are hard, they cry. There’s not a lot you can do about it apart from put up with it, because it doesn’t last forever. None of it does. There is no magic wand.

As with any parenting book, I found some bits useful and some bits no use at all

I agree with this. As much as every clown writing a parenting book wants you to believe otherwise, there is no magical one size fits all approach to parenting that makes everything perfect.

Short of drugging your child, you can't actually make them sleep.

thank you but that’s not what I was asking

Totally agree. I really tortured myself by reading her stuff while trying to decide whether or not to sleep train and it was so unhelpful, shaming and completely unevidenced. Looking back I don't know why I paid it any heed at all, but at the time it was so unhelpful to me at a point where I was struggling.

What really blows my mind is that at that point she was also offering a sort of 'sleep consultancy', but was clear that it wouldn't involve any sleep training and that she wouldn't do anything that aimed at getting the baby to sleep through. Who on earth was/is paying for that?!

It's awful. She does a lot of cherry picking of evidence as well. XYZ gentle parenting approach will be justified on the basis that 'its what they do in traditional societies' though she acknowledges there is no authoritative data to say it works; then elsewhere in the book she says 'in traditional societies they do XYZ non-gentle parenting approach - there is no data to confirm if this works or not but it almost definitely doesn't.' I probably haven't made that clear at all but it gave me the rage given the number of half-dead women at the end of their tether who are afraid to do anything to improve their lives because of vague unknown 'studies.' Gentle parenting is some awful, anti-feminist cult, there I said it.

I genuinely believe that it was detrimental to both my child and myself to go on the way we were with sleep. Looking back, he must have been so tired and I was in such a bad way, seething with resentment and not enjoying parenting at all as a result.

I got the toddler one as there are a couple of aspects of DS behaviour I’ve found challenging but it’s just told me it’s normal. Which is reassuring but the problem is she says everything is normal so I’m not actually sure what is.

No but there are lots of things you can do to encourage your baby to stop waking 12 times a night. Sleep training is GREAT. Baby sleeps (and is then much happier in the day, too, because it's well rested!), Parents are happier. What's not to like?
Proud sleep trainer here and I'm seeing the results now many years later with happy well-adjusted kids doing well at school. My friend who followed S O-S religiously ended up with a child who now has major sleep issues, gets up at 4am for the day, is constantly exhausted and it shows.

You're not wrong. I found her books a bit samey and they could have been condensed into leaflets tbh. The odd nugget of support / useful info.
If its any consolation my son was a nightmare sleeper. Single Mum breastfeeding with limited support. I was getting vertigo from the sleep deprivation it was horrific. Co sleeping did help a little for me but i know that isnt an option for everyone. He's 18 months still bfing and still in my bed. I didnt have the option of sleep training him as we were in a 1 bedroom flat and by the time we moved he was a little better.

I just want to add thank you op. This has been quite cathartic, I feel like everyone in my group worships her and when I've stated my opinion I just get a look of shock and when I say I'm just going to do what I think is right as I go along, they patronise me then in the next breath they say how lovely my baby is, it takes all the politeness in me to be like so which is it. A lot of my friends have 4-5 year olds with similar behaviour others have described and its hard for them at school.

I agree with others about her shaming c sections and I even saw her share something once that falsely claimed women who take pain relief in child birth may have problems bonding and breastfeeding their baby. At that point I stopped following her social media even for the laughs.

She is a quack. She used to claim to be a practicing Homeopath , but notice that has disappeared from her website

Her sleep research is cherry picked definitely. She is just another self proclaimed expert that desperate and gullable parents have fallen for

YANBU, I hate her with a passion, she is completely unqualified and has written books based on her opinion. The sleep book uses ONE study to back up her opinions, using "science" to guilt-trip sleep deprived parents.

The only unreasonable thing you did was buying another of her books when you knew the first one was useless!