am I being unreasonable to think she's an absolute ****

[ooominn]

This happened yesterday but I'm still so angry about it.

I asked my ex about a week ago if he was alright with me going to work Sunday night as overtime (not usually his night with the kids but he said it was fine). We don't speak much unless about the kids (7&9) so hadn't really said anything else about it.

Came to drop them off on the way last night and he wasn't in. Tried ringing he wasn't answering then got some rushed reply saying he was at work and he'd forgotten and that I should have reminded him.

His wife's car was on the drive and the lights were on so tried knocking and ringing her, firstly she pretended to not hear the door or miraculously any of our calls and then when I finally got hold of her she said ex hadn't mentioned anything and refused to have them.

I had to go home in the end and cancel my shift at short notice fucking over my boss and colleagues.

I'm so annoyed though and want to message her asking what kind of step mother would refuse to let her stepkids in when they were on the door step. My ex is a POS too in this situation I know but seriously why wouldn't you just agree to let them in for the night considering it was her husband who fucked up??

WIBU to message her? AIBU to be mad? Or is it just nothing to do with her as she said last night.

My ex said afterwards she was tired lol.

Lol, the daddy that forgot he had to care for his kids?

If he does indeed care enough to have a go at her for not providing emergency childcare then he can cop the flack about it from her. Anyway, given her actions, it’s clear that her husband being mad at her isn’t the terrifying prospect guaranteed to get her in line some posters seem to think it should be.

she should feel obliged to stop everything to provide childcare

You don’t have to drop everything to let them in and stick them in front of the TV for a bit. It’s hardly onerous.

It's massively reaching to assume the SC would believe the white lie that she was about to go out, but wouldn't believe the white lie that she was already out so wasn't answering the door. Lots of people leave lights on when they go out, and this is not something young children are likely to spot.

This is all just to support the arbitrary notion that you MUST answer the door when someone knocks, which is just silly.

She wasn’t prepared to, onerous or not. Her night did not involve her stepchildren, and nor did it have to. It wasn’t, and isn’t, her responsibility.

Ah yes, because sticking them in front of the tv is all that looking after under 10s ever entails. Let's not try and pretend you don't have to do anything with children that age, it's disingenuous.

The classic line from someone guilting another person into childcare!

You have no idea why the SM didn’t want to take them in.
None!

I still don’t understand why the children would allegedly be feeling more rejected by their step mum not wanting to look after them because she has other plans, vs their own mother not wanting to look after them because she also has other plans? If it’s true that kids will internalise everything then they aren’t going to appreciate why mum’s choosing to pick up an optional work shift on a weekend instead of spending the time with them.

OP heard back from her exH BEFORE she started banging on the door and ringing the stepmum. She knew the dad wasn't home and wasn't going to look after them. There were choices at this point; she could have gone home, called her own partner or a grandparent, auntie etc. OP made the decision to make it the stepmums problem. And it's simply not.

It's not like OP rang the doorbell once on the off chance stepmum was available and willing to help out. She describes knocking multiple times and continually calling until she 'finally' heard from her. Call/knock once? Fine. It's worth asking. Keeping going when it's clear she doesn't want to talk to you smacks of entitlement. She doesn't owe you anything and isn't required to communicate with you - only your exH is. You clearly don't have a good relationship with either of them, so I suspect you know that stepmum wasn't going to be best pleased but you kept pushing anyway.

Yes it would have been nice if she had helped. I would have taken my DSD in under these circumstances. But only once I'd spoken to DH and found out what the hell was going on. There is no way I would be opening the door to his exW late in the evening, on my own, when I had no idea what was going on.

The kids weren't abandoned on a doorstep. They were with their mum. Their dad fucked up the arrangements. But somehow the stepmum is the only one that's being called a cunt. Misogynistic bullshit at it's best.

Try reading the OP. She was “too tired”. Is it untrue that all she had to do was let them in and stick the TV on? Kids of 7 and 9 hardly need “childcare”.

If that’s all they need, why not leave them at home with a TV?

@DysonSpheres

What a lot of semantics.
You are suggesting that deliberately and callously being left on the doorstep of your fathers home by your step mother matters less if you're younger?

What a lot of dramatics, more like. They were not left on the doorstep, they were with their mother who took them home.

Is it untrue that all she had to do was let them in and stick the TV on? Kids of 7 and 9 hardly need “childcare”.

Erm, yes it's untrue and yes of course
7 and 9 year old's need childcare. What 7 year old's do you know that don't require looking after?

Not being their parent, she’s quite entitled to prioritise her tiredness.

Though if they don’t require childcare that’s fine then, problem sorted. Their mother can stick them in front of the tv at her house and head off to work.

Just because her exH said that, doesn't mean it's true. And even if it was, it's still not the stepmums responsibility!

I’d still like to know why OP laughed at the notion that the step mum might’ve been tired. Condescending much!

Of course children aged 7 and 9 need childcare!

Don’t be so bloody disingenuous.

She…didn’t…want…to.

Nor…did…she…have…toz

What part is that makes her a cunt, or unreasonable.

@HollyGoLoudly1 The kids weren't abandoned on a doorstep. They were with their mum. Their dad fucked up the arrangements. But somehow the stepmum is the only one that's being called a cunt. Misogynistic bullshit at it's best.

wrong. If it had been a stepfather watching his favourite telly program on the couch and drinking beer while telling another dad to go and do one with the kids on doorstep he would have been labelled as a cunt too.

Yep

wrong. If it had been a stepfather watching his favourite telly program on the couch and drinking beer while telling another dad to go and do one with the kids on doorstep he would have been labelled as a cunt too.

Yes, by the same people calling this SM a cunt, not the people defending her. Why do people always say I this?

@WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat

Who the fuck does the SM think she is to refuse those kids entry to their own home just because their 'D'F isn't there? They might only live there part time but it's supposed to be their other home.

Do you really think 7 and 9 yos should be let into a house and left to fend for themselves overnight (as no childcare was in place)?

Do you not think that's negligent and social services would be down on the OP and her H like a ton of bricks?

Of course children aged 7 and 9 need childcare!

Go on then, what do they need that’s so all consuming?

I honestly don't think he would.

All sorts, most children I know of that age would expect constant conversation, watching to prevent them doing anything naughty, providing with any food and drink they require, getting to bed. Sometimes with bad behaviour and resistance mixed in.

I'm genuinely confused about how you can be sarcastically suggesting it's a joke that 7 year old's need looking after. Of course they bloody do.

As PP said, if they don't need looking after, why not just leave them at home?

Noone said it was all consuming. But are you saying a 7 and 9 year old could be left in a house themselves? Obviously not, so there is an element of childcare required. The stepmum, for whatever reason, didn't want to provide this. It's up to the parents to sort it out. Again, it's the Dad at fault here.

Nah, I bet the dad would prefer to give the ex grief over the phone rather than expect the tired step dad to help out.