Hi all,
Hope you're all well!
My 4 year old DD hates travelling and gets super upset when in the back of the car, we've tried many different distractions, but the only thing that reasonably calms her is her dummy ( she has it for bedtime as well). We visited grandparents this weekend and they immediately berated me for letting her have it in the car, but she'd be distraught travelling without. Should I be ditching this for car journeys or will she feel calmer over time or am I being unreasonable in seeing no issue with this as it makes her happier?
Currently it isn't damaging her teeth or speech otherwise I'd definitely consider
AIBU?
4 year old travelling - dummy
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 16:03
Am I being unreasonable?
162 votes. Final results.
POLLFlounderingFruitcake · 17/10/2022 18:36
Yup this. I have a DD in Y1 and from talking to other parents I’d say 50:50 for dry at night in reception. Cuddles are also totally normal! However, they all go on the school coach to swimming once a week, plus occasional school trips, from the start of reception.
AloysiusBear · 17/10/2022 17:55
Nappies at bed is a separate thing, children only go dry at night when their bodies are producing enough of the hormone that concentrates urine at night.
Cuddles at bedtime is normal, most children will hug parents before going to bed.
I think its just the car thing that is a bit odd then.... i dont know anyone who sits in the back seat holding a child's hand. I mean at school she'll have to sit on a coach sit to go on trips etc..
DC1214 · 17/10/2022 18:37
My 3rd had hers occasionally until age 5, esp when tired after a long day at nursery or childminders. I was known to have to make a diversion to Boots to avert the odd major meltdown once in a while. Now 8 and a half and completely well adjusted. Definitely doesn’t need her dummy at Brownies or trampoline park parties! Four is really quite young, I honestly wouldn’t worry.
fyn · 17/10/2022 18:41
Our two year old still has a dummy at night, the health visitor and dentist have both said it isn’t an issue if they are only having it at night. It’s one of the orthopaedic ones and it falls out after a while. The issue is predominantly when they start talking with a dummy in their mouth it impacts their speech development.
We aiming to do the ‘dummy fairy’ at two and a half as we are due to move away and have a new baby within the next month so it isn’t the right time to take the dummy away!
CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 18:44
Currently it isn't damaging her teeth or speech otherwise I'd definitely consider
So you're going to wait until the damage is already done?
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 18:47
If it ever showed any signs of affecting speech or the mouth we'd have got rid 100%
CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 18:44
Currently it isn't damaging her teeth or speech otherwise I'd definitely consider
So you're going to wait until the damage is already done?
BeanieTeen · 17/10/2022 18:49
At age four - with no SEN or logical reasons for this behaviour - I’d either set up a reward for sitting in the car nicely, and also set a clear consequence for causing such a nuisance. Dummies and handholding?? Sounds like you’re being played for a fool here OP.
CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 18:50
But you know there's every chance it could, so why not prevent it?
Honestly, sometimes the parents are more nervous of this sort of thing than the children.
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 18:47
If it ever showed any signs of affecting speech or the mouth we'd have got rid 100%
CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 18:44
Currently it isn't damaging her teeth or speech otherwise I'd definitely consider
So you're going to wait until the damage is already done?
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 16:38
We currently give it to her after bathtime and she settles with it during story time and snuggles, and she had it in her mouth throughout the night, we take it off of her about 20 mins after she wakes up.
Should we try to take it out when she's asleep?
asdasult · 17/10/2022 18:46
All those saying no dummy past 1 - did you take away comfort toys and teddies at 1 too? My child literally never had a cuddly toy - the dummy was their comfort item.
OperaStation · 17/10/2022 18:58
That’s really not ideal. It will be damaging her teeth.
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 16:38
We currently give it to her after bathtime and she settles with it during story time and snuggles, and she had it in her mouth throughout the night, we take it off of her about 20 mins after she wakes up.
Should we try to take it out when she's asleep?
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 18:55
I'm definitely anxious to do it in case she wasn't ready, but when we tried first time it was constant quiet crying and not performative and it told us she wasn't ready, but maybe should have tried longer
CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 18:50
But you know there's every chance it could, so why not prevent it?
Honestly, sometimes the parents are more nervous of this sort of thing than the children.
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 18:47
If it ever showed any signs of affecting speech or the mouth we'd have got rid 100%
CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 18:44
Currently it isn't damaging her teeth or speech otherwise I'd definitely consider
So you're going to wait until the damage is already done?
CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 19:09
How long did you try for?
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 18:55
I'm definitely anxious to do it in case she wasn't ready, but when we tried first time it was constant quiet crying and not performative and it told us she wasn't ready, but maybe should have tried longer
CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 18:50
But you know there's every chance it could, so why not prevent it?
Honestly, sometimes the parents are more nervous of this sort of thing than the children.
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 18:47
If it ever showed any signs of affecting speech or the mouth we'd have got rid 100%
CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 18:44
Currently it isn't damaging her teeth or speech otherwise I'd definitely consider
So you're going to wait until the damage is already done?
Simonjt · 17/10/2022 19:23
Mine son still has a dummy, he uses it as a dummy when hes unwell, otherwise he tends to hold it like you would a teddy bear. His teeth, palate etc are fine, as is his speech.
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 19:25
How old is he? Is he the same age as my daughter?
Simonjt · 17/10/2022 19:23
Mine son still has a dummy, he uses it as a dummy when hes unwell, otherwise he tends to hold it like you would a teddy bear. His teeth, palate etc are fine, as is his speech.
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Simonjt · 17/10/2022 19:26
He’s seven
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 19:25
How old is he? Is he the same age as my daughter?
Simonjt · 17/10/2022 19:23
Mine son still has a dummy, he uses it as a dummy when hes unwell, otherwise he tends to hold it like you would a teddy bear. His teeth, palate etc are fine, as is his speech.
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 19:28
Bless him, did he still have it at bedtime when he was four or does he still have it at bedtime now great to hear it doesn't affect him
Simonjt · 17/10/2022 19:26
He’s seven
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 19:25
How old is he? Is he the same age as my daughter?
Simonjt · 17/10/2022 19:23
Mine son still has a dummy, he uses it as a dummy when hes unwell, otherwise he tends to hold it like you would a teddy bear. His teeth, palate etc are fine, as is his speech.
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