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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4 year old travelling - dummy

134 replies

AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 16:03

Hi all,

Hope you're all well!

My 4 year old DD hates travelling and gets super upset when in the back of the car, we've tried many different distractions, but the only thing that reasonably calms her is her dummy ( she has it for bedtime as well). We visited grandparents this weekend and they immediately berated me for letting her have it in the car, but she'd be distraught travelling without. Should I be ditching this for car journeys or will she feel calmer over time or am I being unreasonable in seeing no issue with this as it makes her happier?

Currently it isn't damaging her teeth or speech otherwise I'd definitely consider

OP posts:
fyn · 17/10/2022 18:41

Our two year old still has a dummy at night, the health visitor and dentist have both said it isn’t an issue if they are only having it at night. It’s one of the orthopaedic ones and it falls out after a while. The issue is predominantly when they start talking with a dummy in their mouth it impacts their speech development.

We aiming to do the ‘dummy fairy’ at two and a half as we are due to move away and have a new baby within the next month so it isn’t the right time to take the dummy away!

Original poster
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 18:42

FlounderingFruitcake · 17/10/2022 18:36

Yup this. I have a DD in Y1 and from talking to other parents I’d say 50:50 for dry at night in reception. Cuddles are also totally normal! However, they all go on the school coach to swimming once a week, plus occasional school trips, from the start of reception.

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Friends have got lucky with that so are out of nappies at night, our school isn't doing swimming lessons until year 2 ! And thankfully playdates are within walking distance for all of us so haven't had her travel with friends parents

OP posts:
fyn · 17/10/2022 18:42

orthodontic, not orthopaedic 😂

CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 18:44

Currently it isn't damaging her teeth or speech otherwise I'd definitely consider

So you're going to wait until the damage is already done?

Original poster
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 18:45

DC1214 · 17/10/2022 18:37

My 3rd had hers occasionally until age 5, esp when tired after a long day at nursery or childminders. I was known to have to make a diversion to Boots to avert the odd major meltdown once in a while. Now 8 and a half and completely well adjusted. Definitely doesn’t need her dummy at Brownies or trampoline park parties! Four is really quite young, I honestly wouldn’t worry.

Aww sounds like she's doing amazing I bet you're super proud! Did she have it every night?

She's super friendly at school and never needs it beyond these specific times but she really needs it to get ready for bed and in the car.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 18:46

fyn · 17/10/2022 18:41

Our two year old still has a dummy at night, the health visitor and dentist have both said it isn’t an issue if they are only having it at night. It’s one of the orthopaedic ones and it falls out after a while. The issue is predominantly when they start talking with a dummy in their mouth it impacts their speech development.

We aiming to do the ‘dummy fairy’ at two and a half as we are due to move away and have a new baby within the next month so it isn’t the right time to take the dummy away!

Good luck! It hadn't been brought up at our last HV although they were rushing quite a bit

OP posts:
asdasult · 17/10/2022 18:46

All those saying no dummy past 1 - did you take away comfort toys and teddies at 1 too? My child literally never had a cuddly toy - the dummy was their comfort item.

Original poster
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 18:47

CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 18:44

Currently it isn't damaging her teeth or speech otherwise I'd definitely consider

So you're going to wait until the damage is already done?

If it ever showed any signs of affecting speech or the mouth we'd have got rid 100%

OP posts:
BeanieTeen · 17/10/2022 18:49

At age four - with no SEN or logical reasons for this behaviour - I’d either set up a reward for sitting in the car nicely, and also set a clear consequence for causing such a nuisance. Dummies and handholding?? Sounds like you’re being played for a fool here OP.

CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 18:50

AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 18:47

If it ever showed any signs of affecting speech or the mouth we'd have got rid 100%

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But you know there's every chance it could, so why not prevent it?

Honestly, sometimes the parents are more nervous of this sort of thing than the children.

Original poster
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 18:53

BeanieTeen · 17/10/2022 18:49

At age four - with no SEN or logical reasons for this behaviour - I’d either set up a reward for sitting in the car nicely, and also set a clear consequence for causing such a nuisance. Dummies and handholding?? Sounds like you’re being played for a fool here OP.

I hadn't considered it like that I'm surprised it would just be for the car if she was playing us... generally she's quite independent

OP posts:
Original poster
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 18:55

CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 18:50

But you know there's every chance it could, so why not prevent it?

Honestly, sometimes the parents are more nervous of this sort of thing than the children.

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I'm definitely anxious to do it in case she wasn't ready, but when we tried first time it was constant quiet crying and not performative and it told us she wasn't ready, but maybe should have tried longer

OP posts:
OperaStation · 17/10/2022 18:58

AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 16:38

We currently give it to her after bathtime and she settles with it during story time and snuggles, and she had it in her mouth throughout the night, we take it off of her about 20 mins after she wakes up.

Should we try to take it out when she's asleep?

That’s really not ideal. It will be damaging her teeth.

Lucyccfc68 · 17/10/2022 19:01

asdasult · 17/10/2022 18:46

All those saying no dummy past 1 - did you take away comfort toys and teddies at 1 too? My child literally never had a cuddly toy - the dummy was their comfort item.

Comfort toys and teddy’s don’t damage teeth or impede speech.

Riapia · 17/10/2022 19:01

“Berated me “ = “Oh. does she still have her dummy.”

asdasult · 17/10/2022 19:03

@Lucyccfc68 speech was never impaired, nor were teeth damaged.

It was the only comfort item they ever had.

Sibling had a cuddly teddy and sucked thumb when tired well into big school. They might still. I don't know, they're an adult now.

How do you stop a child sucking their thumb?

As I explained, my child had medical issues and the dummy was their only comfort. Perhaps you missed that.

Original poster
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 19:08

OperaStation · 17/10/2022 18:58

That’s really not ideal. It will be damaging her teeth.

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We're very careful to make sure this doesn't happen and give her good dental hygiene at all times, we're very aware and careful for her

OP posts:
CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 19:09

AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 18:55

I'm definitely anxious to do it in case she wasn't ready, but when we tried first time it was constant quiet crying and not performative and it told us she wasn't ready, but maybe should have tried longer

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How long did you try for?

Original poster
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 19:12

CheezePleeze · 17/10/2022 19:09

How long did you try for?

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We did three days but she was getting so tired from crying and staying up as we tried not to over comfort and chance the dependency to us. it was affecting learning and other areas just for the dummy at bedtime and sleep so we gave it back, ideally knowing this we should've done it over summer

OP posts:
Simonjt · 17/10/2022 19:23

Mine son still has a dummy, he uses it as a dummy when hes unwell, otherwise he tends to hold it like you would a teddy bear. His teeth, palate etc are fine, as is his speech.

Original poster
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 19:25

Simonjt · 17/10/2022 19:23

Mine son still has a dummy, he uses it as a dummy when hes unwell, otherwise he tends to hold it like you would a teddy bear. His teeth, palate etc are fine, as is his speech.

How old is he? Is he the same age as my daughter?

OP posts:
Simonjt · 17/10/2022 19:26

AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 19:25

How old is he? Is he the same age as my daughter?

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He’s seven

Original poster
AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 19:28

Simonjt · 17/10/2022 19:26

He’s seven

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Bless him, did he still have it at bedtime when he was four or does he still have it at bedtime now great to hear it doesn't affect him

OP posts:
MakeWayMoana · 17/10/2022 19:28

She’s definitely old enough for understanding. Just tell her that she’s too big for a dummy now because it will hurt her teeth as she gets bigger, so shall we throw them away and go to Smyths and choose and nice new bedtime teddy.

My daughter who’s 3 got a scruffalove for Christmas last year which she has been attached to at bedtime ever since - it’s a good one to get because it’s an activity, can go in the bath etc too.

Also you’ve said you don’t allow the dummy to cause issues with teeth because of oral hygiene - it’s not about cleanliness, it’s about the alignment of her teeth being affected by the constant sucking motion.

Simonjt · 17/10/2022 19:30

AmySma1i · 17/10/2022 19:28

Bless him, did he still have it at bedtime when he was four or does he still have it at bedtime now great to hear it doesn't affect him

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Hes never really used it at bedtime, even as a toddler, he prefers going to sleep holding something.