4 year old travelling - dummy

[AmySma1i]

Hi all,

Hope you're all well!

My 4 year old DD hates travelling and gets super upset when in the back of the car, we've tried many different distractions, but the only thing that reasonably calms her is her dummy ( she has it for bedtime as well). We visited grandparents this weekend and they immediately berated me for letting her have it in the car, but she'd be distraught travelling without. Should I be ditching this for car journeys or will she feel calmer over time or am I being unreasonable in seeing no issue with this as it makes her happier?

Currently it isn't damaging her teeth or speech otherwise I'd definitely consider

[AmySma1i]

@AloysiusBear

4 is way way too old for dummies!! Thats a school aged child. Most people get rid between 1 & 2. Its terrible for their mouth/teeth and oral development.

At that age she really should be fine with travelling by car without needing a parent sat holding her hand . Is she relatively immature generally?

She's generally very mature in the day, through being an youngest I'm class etc, She's a little immature at bedtime in that she loves cuddles to go to sleep from both of us when we're there and still needs night nappies but other than that She's smart in school and at home can do pretty much all 4 year old milestones

[AloysiusBear]

She sounds very babied sorry to say- holding her dad's hand the whole way and stuff. Has she started school or is she just 4? I would work on maturing her a little bit between now and next year if that's when she starts school.

This.

[mondaytosunday]

I don't like dummies but realise for babies it can be helpful. But 4 is way too old. Two is too old.
There needs to be be another way for your child to cope - and get to the roof of this issue with car journeys it is a bit unusual.

[eddiemairswife]

What do all the 'ditch the the dummy' advocates suggest the approach with thumb-suckers. You can hardly cut the thumbs off.

[KeepOutingMyselfAnotherNameChange]

Yabu at age 4 yes they are too old for a baby dummy.

[AmySma1i]

@eddiemairswife

What do all the 'ditch the the dummy' advocates suggest the approach with thumb-suckers. You can hardly cut the thumbs off.

I'm always grateful she never showed interest with the thumb because of this although I think we pushed the dummy too much

[AloysiusBear]

Nappies at bed is a separate thing, children only go dry at night when their bodies are producing enough of the hormone that concentrates urine at night.

Cuddles at bedtime is normal, most children will hug parents before going to bed.

I think its just the car thing that is a bit odd then.... i dont know anyone who sits in the back seat holding a child's hand. I mean at school she'll have to sit on a coach sit to go on trips etc..

[AloysiusBear]

Eddiemairswife

My mum simply bandaged up my hands so i couldn't suck. It didnt leave me traumatised!

[AmySma1i]

@mondaytosunday

I don't like dummies but realise for babies it can be helpful. But 4 is way too old. Two is too old.
There needs to be be another way for your child to cope - and get to the roof of this issue with car journeys it is a bit unusual.

We will definitely have the discussion after school tomorrow, we're not trying to ditch the dummy just tonight but may start plans to find a toy to try it soon.

[AmySma1i]

@AloysiusBear

Nappies at bed is a separate thing, children only go dry at night when their bodies are producing enough of the hormone that concentrates urine at night.

Cuddles at bedtime is normal, most children will hug parents before going to bed.

I think its just the car thing that is a bit odd then.... i dont know anyone who sits in the back seat holding a child's hand. I mean at school she'll have to sit on a coach sit to go on trips etc..

Glad to know we're fine with the other things! Parenting is one massive learning curve, we'll have a big chat with me and the hubby tomorrow, she's not travelled anywhere without us yet

[MeridianB]

I’ve never heard of ‘orthodontic’ or ‘daytime’ dummies, OP. To me, they sound like marketing terms to help sell more dummies. A quick google tells me they are positioned slightly differently to be less damaging to teeth and oral development, but still only for babies.

As your DD is at school she may get interesting reactions from classmates if she mentions her dummy and bottles. Not sure if this could be a gentle part of your exit strategy….

I won’t lie, if you’d been living next door to us on the day we went scorched earth on the dummies and bottles, you’d have thought we were cutting DD’s limbs off. But…. She was fine after 25 mins, quietly referenced dummy once or twice that afternoon and then went to bed and slept as if it never existed. She was about 19 months, so already too old at that point, but after the initial horror, it was much easier than we expected. Of course I can’t guarantee the reaction you’ll get but wanted to share in case it’s useful.

Bribery is also hugely useful, so long as your DD knows it’s a straight swap. But again, don’t wait for Christmas.

[MeridianB]

Oh, and bedtime cuddles should go on (and on !) for as long as she wants them. 😴

[mamabear715]

Aww bless her! My eldest DD still had hers at that age, @AmySma1i
We told her she was a big girl now so could only have it at night time, & she was fine with that (although I'd have probably given in for long car journeys too.)
She did give up on it on her own, but then had a 'sniffy sock' for ages - lol, a sock pulled up her arm that she stroked her nose with!
It's just comfort, isn't it?
I've never seen kids at secondary school with dummies, lol, I think she'll be fine.

Two of my kids were still in pull up pants at night until they were about 10 yrs - they all mature at different ages. I don't flap about stuff, it all works out! Hugs.

[Funkyblues101]

My parents said they wouldn't be upping and downing looking for a dummy so I did "cold turkey" on my son who was addicted to his baby fags (as my husband called dummies). After thirty minutes of loud complaint they didn't ever really miss or think about the dummy.
I was expecting hours and hours of screaming. Couldn't believe it was so easy.

[AmySma1i]

@MeridianB

I’ve never heard of ‘orthodontic’ or ‘daytime’ dummies, OP. To me, they sound like marketing terms to help sell more dummies. A quick google tells me they are positioned slightly differently to be less damaging to teeth and oral development, but still only for babies.

As your DD is at school she may get interesting reactions from classmates if she mentions her dummy and bottles. Not sure if this could be a gentle part of your exit strategy….

I won’t lie, if you’d been living next door to us on the day we went scorched earth on the dummies and bottles, you’d have thought we were cutting DD’s limbs off. But…. She was fine after 25 mins, quietly referenced dummy once or twice that afternoon and then went to bed and slept as if it never existed. She was about 19 months, so already too old at that point, but after the initial horror, it was much easier than we expected. Of course I can’t guarantee the reaction you’ll get but wanted to share in case it’s useful.

Bribery is also hugely useful, so long as your DD knows it’s a straight swap. But again, don’t wait for Christmas.

Thank you ! We're going to find a cuddly toy and do the dummy fairy ASAP and then we'll have to handle the car when it arises.

And cuddles aren't stopping that's a certainty haha

[asdasult]

One of mine had theirs until they were almost 5. It was their only comfort and they had medical issues. They gave it up themselves. I had tried multiple times to take it away but it was so traumatic for them and everyone else in the house. And they took their siblings.

No issues with speech and yes they needed braces but all my kids did because they all had the same large teeth small mouth issue.

[AmySma1i]

@mamabear715

Aww bless her! My eldest DD still had hers at that age, @AmySma1i
We told her she was a big girl now so could only have it at night time, & she was fine with that (although I'd have probably given in for long car journeys too.)
She did give up on it on her own, but then had a 'sniffy sock' for ages - lol, a sock pulled up her arm that she stroked her nose with!
It's just comfort, isn't it?
I've never seen kids at secondary school with dummies, lol, I think she'll be fine.

Two of my kids were still in pull up pants at night until they were about 10 yrs - they all mature at different ages. I don't flap about stuff, it all works out! Hugs.

Bless, when did she get rid of it? Yeah I was hoping naively she'd naturally give it up

Bless them I know she can't do anything about it but hopefully she'll be done by 10!

[AmySma1i]

@asdasult

One of mine had theirs until they were almost 5. It was their only comfort and they had medical issues. They gave it up themselves. I had tried multiple times to take it away but it was so traumatic for them and everyone else in the house. And they took their siblings.

No issues with speech and yes they needed braces but all my kids did because they all had the same large teeth small mouth issue.

Relieved to hear it isn't just mine, how did they give it up? I'm guessing they only had it when feeling less well though?

[soundsofthesixties]

Mine was at school and still had hers. She managed to walk down the aisle without one 🤣
If it's a comfort, leave her with it, I didn't take any notice what people said.

[AmySma1i]

@soundsofthesixties

Mine was at school and still had hers. She managed to walk down the aisle without one 🤣
If it's a comfort, leave her with it, I didn't take any notice what people said.

How did you get rid of it, did they have it in the day as well? With the recent replies I'm wondering if we should not push and let her grow out of it, it doesn't seem overly uncommon

[asdasult]

They just stopped. I don't even remember. 😂😂😂. They're now a mature sensible adult with their home and professional job and are qualified to masters level so it clearly didn't do them any harm!

[asdasult]

I should add. One of mine sucked their thumb til they were at secondary school. They might still do when they're tired (also now a mature adult!). See also cuddly bear who moved out when they did ...

[FlounderingFruitcake]

@AloysiusBear

Nappies at bed is a separate thing, children only go dry at night when their bodies are producing enough of the hormone that concentrates urine at night.

Cuddles at bedtime is normal, most children will hug parents before going to bed.

I think its just the car thing that is a bit odd then.... i dont know anyone who sits in the back seat holding a child's hand. I mean at school she'll have to sit on a coach sit to go on trips etc..

Yup this. I have a DD in Y1 and from talking to other parents I’d say 50:50 for dry at night in reception. Cuddles are also totally normal! However, they all go on the school coach to swimming once a week, plus occasional school trips, from the start of reception.

[FlounderingFruitcake]

Oh and playdates with friends after school mean being picked up my another mum! Those started in reception too.

[DC1214]

My 3rd had hers occasionally until age 5, esp when tired after a long day at nursery or childminders. I was known to have to make a diversion to Boots to avert the odd major meltdown once in a while. Now 8 and a half and completely well adjusted. Definitely doesn’t need her dummy at Brownies or trampoline park parties! Four is really quite young, I honestly wouldn’t worry.