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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fuming..

305 replies

sarah8484 · 17/10/2022 13:42

Im at work, dp is at home with our dc 9 months and 13 years. 13 year old is off school sick. Ive just messaged ds on my lunch to see how he is and he has messaged back and said my dp (their dad) had left my 13 year old alone to watch my 9 month old while he went out for 10 minutes. Ive never gave my 13 year old that responsibility before. He said she was playing and he said be back in 10 minutes and just left. Im not going to say anything till im home but can't believe he actually did that!

OP posts:
maddy68 · 17/10/2022 15:54

Really ? Is your husband not allowed to make adult decisions? Most kids start babysitting for neighbours etc at that age. Get a grip

butterfliedtwo · 17/10/2022 15:56

If the DH had checked with OP, he'd be accused of not taking on parenting and strategic incompetence.

Oliverfunyuns · 17/10/2022 15:57

Thirteen, for ten minutes? No big deal, unless your 13-y-o has some special needs that mean he or she can't be given that level of responsibility. It's only 10 minutes, and so long as the baby isn't in/near water or some other obvious hazard, it's fine.

girlmom21 · 17/10/2022 15:57

butterfliedtwo · 17/10/2022 15:56

If the DH had checked with OP, he'd be accused of not taking on parenting and strategic incompetence.

Or being controlling for contacting her while she's at work

PurpleWisteria1 · 17/10/2022 15:58

I’m in the minority. I have a sensible 13 year old but wouldn’t like them in sole charge of a 9 month old. Would be too worried that they would get distracted by their phone or something and the baby would have crawled or cruised and got into danger.
To the poster who said they could have had a baby in 3 years time.
A 16 year old is generally very different to a 13 year old and that’s why it’s legal for a 16 year old to have sex but not a 13 year old. ‘Being able to have a baby in 3 years’ is completely neither here or there and a ludicrous argument.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 17/10/2022 15:59

What do you think might happen to a presumably non-mobile baby in ten minutes?

I think you’re being over the top unless the baby has been left crawling about and your older child is too ill to be sitting on the sofa.

butterfliedtwo · 17/10/2022 15:59

girlmom21 · 17/10/2022 15:57

Or being controlling for contacting her while she's at work

Show quote history

Very likely that too, yes.

BananaCocktails · 17/10/2022 16:01

Does he always have to go through you? Kid is 13 unless he’s irresponsible I don’t see the issue if it’s only ten mins

Sleepysophie · 17/10/2022 16:01

You know your children better than anyone else replying on this forum. If you think its an issue then it probably is? Your 13 year old is ill after all so he could not be up to looking after a baby even if he normally would be.
I think the key is to find out what the 10 minutes popping out was for? It could have been an emergency and he's made a decision on the hoof. He may have played it down so not to stress out the children.
Go in gently, but I do get it.

zingally · 17/10/2022 16:01

Sounds fine to me, tbh.

RudsyFarmer · 17/10/2022 16:02

Having had some recent training in this area the issue is a child having responsibility for a young child. I personally think thirteen is too young and the question is - was it genuinely 10 mins and what was so important that it required the adult to leave the house?

Namechange192727171 · 17/10/2022 16:02

My 13 year old has ASD, she would be fine watching her 16 month old sister for 10 minutes (and often does whilst i do some jobs or pop to the shops)

It's a good way to teach them responsibility

Is there a backstory?

BerryShots · 17/10/2022 16:03

RudsyFarmer · 17/10/2022 16:02

Having had some recent training in this area the issue is a child having responsibility for a young child. I personally think thirteen is too young and the question is - was it genuinely 10 mins and what was so important that it required the adult to leave the house?

What training has led you to the conclusion that a 13 yo should not mind a 9 month old (one they know very well) for 10 minutes?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/10/2022 16:04

At 13, I was being paid money by neighbours to look after their younger children. One family had four kids!

I think you are massively overacting. And you know it. It's just not you being in control.

LimpBiskit · 17/10/2022 16:05

RudsyFarmer · 17/10/2022 16:02

Having had some recent training in this area the issue is a child having responsibility for a young child. I personally think thirteen is too young and the question is - was it genuinely 10 mins and what was so important that it required the adult to leave the house?

I'm intrigued by this training you've had. Who delivered it?

Sleepysophie · 17/10/2022 16:05

The OP said her 13 year old is ill. Even if he would normally be "ok" for him to look after the baby, he may be very poorly and therefore not able to care for a small child, even if for 10 mins?

BerryShots · 17/10/2022 16:08

PurpleWisteria1 · 17/10/2022 15:58

I’m in the minority. I have a sensible 13 year old but wouldn’t like them in sole charge of a 9 month old. Would be too worried that they would get distracted by their phone or something and the baby would have crawled or cruised and got into danger.
To the poster who said they could have had a baby in 3 years time.
A 16 year old is generally very different to a 13 year old and that’s why it’s legal for a 16 year old to have sex but not a 13 year old. ‘Being able to have a baby in 3 years’ is completely neither here or there and a ludicrous argument.

I have a 10 year age gap between my boys, and one of the lovely advantages was that I could leave my older son to watch the younger one while I popped out. Not when the baby was as young as the OP's, but certainly at 13 he was well able to be responsible enough to be left alone with him.

DeadbeatYoda · 17/10/2022 16:09

I used to babysit at that age. What's the issue? It's ten mins.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/10/2022 16:09

@Sleepysophie

The OP said her 13 year old is ill

Her husband is totally able to make this decision (and obviously did). Without needing his wife's permission.

RudsyFarmer · 17/10/2022 16:10

BerryShots · 17/10/2022 16:03

What training has led you to the conclusion that a 13 yo should not mind a 9 month old (one they know very well) for 10 minutes?

Show quote history

School staff training. While there is no specific age written within the law the issue is when a child is responsible for a young child and in their sole care. If an accident happened to the baby in this scenario there would be safe guarding concerns I’m sure.

RudsyFarmer · 17/10/2022 16:11

LimpBiskit · 17/10/2022 16:05

I'm intrigued by this training you've had. Who delivered it?

Show quote history

The school head.

girlmom21 · 17/10/2022 16:14

Sleepysophie · 17/10/2022 16:05

The OP said her 13 year old is ill. Even if he would normally be "ok" for him to look after the baby, he may be very poorly and therefore not able to care for a small child, even if for 10 mins?

Presumably his dad will have made an educated decision on whether he was ok to be left or not...

DeadbeatYoda · 17/10/2022 16:16

@RudsyFarmer
There is absolutely no safeguarding issue with a 13 year old looking after its baby sibling for ten mins. Good grief, it's one extreme or the other these days, either infantilising teens or leaving them exposed and unguided on social media. Where has common sense gone? (I have also had school staff training and never come across such a notion).

JennyNotFromTheBlock · 17/10/2022 16:17

RudsyFarmer · 17/10/2022 16:10

School staff training. While there is no specific age written within the law the issue is when a child is responsible for a young child and in their sole care. If an accident happened to the baby in this scenario there would be safe guarding concerns I’m sure.

Show quote history

These schools can be really quite ridiculous in their takes on things. Honestly they can be absolutely batshit. I would ignore anything from schools around this. Most kids are out babysitting at other people's houses at age 13. And ever heard of the Babysitters Club? Based on real life kids. I would certainly expect a 13 year old teenage highschooler to be able to look after a baby. Something is developmentally wrong if they can't. Children need independence and responsibility. That's why the kids in the UK have so much problems functioning when they go to uni these days. They've been coddled. The damage is obvious.

PS I'd also expect a 13 year old to let themselves in at home and get dinner started. I've seen threads where a 14 year old can't even boil water. What the hell is going on with society these days.

SpinningFloppa · 17/10/2022 16:17

waiting for a massive drip feed...