To be fuming..

[sarah8484]

Im at work, dp is at home with our dc 9 months and 13 years. 13 year old is off school sick. Ive just messaged ds on my lunch to see how he is and he has messaged back and said my dp (their dad) had left my 13 year old alone to watch my 9 month old while he went out for 10 minutes. Ive never gave my 13 year old that responsibility before. He said she was playing and he said be back in 10 minutes and just left. Im not going to say anything till im home but can't believe he actually did that!

Nope, I’m not seeing a problem here.

When posts have titles that include the words 'fuming' or 'furious' they're almost always a huge fuss about nothing at all. Just like this one.

Please get over yourself .

Yes, YABU. Totally OTT reaction

I was left with my baby sister at that age and it’s not okay. I was not delighted. It is too big a responsibility.

looking back gives me the chills, I would not have known what to do if something went wrong.

You couldn’t dial 999 at 13?

There’s videos of 3 year olds calling 999 on YouTube!

A 13 yr old is perfectly capable of looking after a 9 month old for longer than 10 mins, probably a few hours would be fine too. Most of us were babysitting at this age.

What on earth do you envision happening, OP?

If he's your 13 year old, he's your responsibility, and you can make all patenting decisions. If your partner is the father, he is fine to make decisions about his 13 year old.

YABU.

I'm assuming there's more to this, is that the case OP? You're overreacting on the basis of the information you've given but presumably there's a backstory.

Yes you would have.

That's the truth.

However, if it's the first time the 13 yo probably did need a bot more than "popping out".

Unless there’s a massive drip backstory a 13 yr old can babysit a baby for a few mins.

10 mins… I think if it was 10 mins then really you are overreacting
If he had left the house for hours I would completely understand being furious
Please remember both of you are parents and dad has a right to make parental decisions too
I understand you don’t feel comfortable with this and I think you are allowed to tell him this but I wouldn’t go home angry with him over 10 mins

I don't see this as a big issue unless the 13 year old is neuro diverse in some way and cannot cope in that sort of situation.

There's a drip feed coming right? Otherwise I'm not really seeing the issue. You probably do need to talk with them about your differing views on the 13yo's responsibilities, but calmly. Can't see any need to be fuming.

Chill your beans. At 13, my older brother would watch me and 2 younger siblings for longer than 10 minutes. Did DP need to go to the shop to top up on Calpol? Honestly, it’s not a big deal in mh
eyes.

There must be a massive drip feed coming.

Presumably you've prepared your 13 year old for what to do in an emergency when they're home alone? How to call 999, which neighbours door to bang on etc. etc.

I can't see anything wrong with this either Op. Presumably your DS isn't gravely ill, as you would have mentioned that in your op?

Have you and your DP not had discussions before about what level of responsibility you are both comfortable with giving your DS?

You’re overreacting. He’s 13, not three. He’s legally allowed to have a baby of his own in 3 years time…

Unless your 13 year old is so unwell they're not capable of watching over your DB, then it'd be quite reasonable to pop to the drops, post an urgent letter, pop in to neighbour as you'd promised.

On the information you have given us, YABVU and having a completely OTT reaction to something that doesn't sound like it ought to be an issue at all.

If there are other things feeding in to this, then YAalsoBU to not include that information in your opening post.

Id be fine with this. I had 2 DC aged 12 & 13 when I had DC3 and would have left either one of them with DC3 for 10 minutes whilst I nipped out quickly at that age. Im sure I would have done this more than once and no harm came to any of them.

I don’t think I’d be fuming but personally I’d not like it if my DH did something similar. Our 13 year old takes little responsibility for anything and the house could be burning down around them and if they were watching videos on their phone, they wouldn’t notice. A baby, toddler or young child is too much responsibility in my opinion so I wouldn’t leave them.

When my DS1 was 14, I had to leave him with his 4yo & 2yo siblings for 2 hours. Very, very far from ideal, but there was an emergency situation.
They were absolutely fine. Watched some cartoons and ate some biscuits, then I was back.

Obviously a lot depends on the maturity/health of your 13yo, but there's little risk in popping out briefly.
I'm guessing your 9 month old isn't mobile yet? That helps too.

13 years old is old enough to babysit a 9 month old, so why can't your 13 year old babysit his own sibling? You seem to be wrapping this 13 year old in cotton wool. Even at 9 years old he should be able to watch his sibling for 10 minutes.