To ask if this is normal for a teenager?

[Grumpbump]

I will start by saying I never had a very good relationship with my mum so I don’t really know what’s ‘normal’

I have a 13 year old daughter, I would say we are close, she tells me about boys friends difficult things and she expresses how she feels pretty well normally. Recently her attitude has been a bit of a problem but really we talk and I make it clear she can always talk to me no judgment.

I check her phone and I recently saw text messages to her best friend saying she can’t speak on the phone because I’m here. She also text saying it’s like my mum doesn’t understand me, I can never talk to her. Is this normal? She has her privacy, she sits on the phone to her friend in her room. Is this something I should speak to her, I feel quite sad she feels like she can’t talk to me

Seems normal to me. My daughter is 12. I hope she would come to me with a proper issue but I don't want to heat all her chats with her friends.....nor does she want me too.

Don't forget that teenagers speak a different language to grown ups!!!

You say you check her phone and then that she has privacy.

In a teenage girls eyes this is the opposite of privacy.

Normal. I checked their phones at that age too.

Does she know that you check her phone?

I don’t think you should be reading her text messages.

She knows I check her phone randomly, I agree she needs her privacy but I also need to make sure she is safe

It’s not normal to be reading her texts, no

This is absolutely normal. My teens phrase to me is the classic "you dont understand". I'm pretty sure I was the same. Different generation. How they speak to friends is different to at home. Doesn't mean she wouldn't talk or come to you.
Their phone is their lifeline...chatting to friends etc. They absolutely don't want parents peering at that.

the reason I clicked on the chat was because she saved her best friend under baby ❤️🥰😘 and I could see the preview of their messages saying good night baby. I didn’t know it was her best friend!

She says she can't talk to you, it doesn't means she thinks she can't talk to you.

you 'think' she talks to you about everything, she doesn't.

you tell her she can talk to you about everything.

my advice is stop smothering her. They need their friends, their 'secrets', their privacy.

It’s normal to read their texts at that age, I agree, you need to keep them safe.

Teenagers need some privacy from their parents. It's a natural progression towards independence

I don't think you should be checking her messages

I am amazed and worried that in this day and age people are saying random checks of electronics is wrong!

Only recently in the news there have been several stories of online bullying and social media resulting in teen suicide. Never mind the grooming risk! Does nobody remember how easy it was to speak to creepy predators online back in the day?

Keep doing what your doing op, as long as your just spot checking occasionally and not actively prying all the time ❤️

Fwiw I think her comments are normal, your not doing anything wrong. Doesn't matter what we do teenagers are a different species lol

Parents should be checking everything on their kids mobile phones.

Yes, it's normal.
Yes, it's good parenting to check their phones. You've also done the right thing by letting her know that's the situation.

Yes it’s normal
Imagine someone doing random checks on your phone and how that would make you feel, while you continue to stop her having any privacy your relationship is going to be strained.
Her friend could be saved as Baby as a joke, or maybe they fave feelings for each other.

Yes, but you don't have random checks on your phone because you are an adult. 13 year olds, especially girls, get all manner of harrassment, bullying and abuse on their phones or start to access unhelpful material shall we say, and usually struggle to deal with it.
It's fine, OP.

Sounds like they are maybe more than best friends now.

Maybe this is part of what she "can't" talk to you about (even though you've said you're understanding).

It was made clear to parents at our DC school by police that they expect parental checking of teens’ phones as part of keeping them safe online - not to read every little text between them and their friends but to check who they’re speaking to and that they’re not engaging in any illegal activity.

its not an issue that she saved her friend underneath that more that I was concerned who was talking to her in that way.

I absolutely will check her phone, I do random checks and she knows this. She was bullied last year and had death threats sent to her. She is also still a child and they need monitoring on the internet

I agree with PP. It's most likely that your dd is exploring a relationship with her best friend and this us what she feels unable to talk to you about.

Your dd is 13, of course you check her phone. No wonder online bullying is rife with some parents not bothering to see what their offspring is up to. You are not reading her personal and private diary.

She also text saying it’s like my mum doesn’t understand me, I can never talk to her.

She's probably saying this to bond with her bff, maybe bff can't speak with her own mother so your dd echos this. Keep comms channels open, sporadically check her messages

Good night baby ❤️🥰😘

😅cringe.
Yes, maybe your dd has a crush. Can she talk to you about boys and girls? Does she feel you'd have her back if she into girls?

That’s one view certainly. I personally don’t feel that conversations between friends should be read. However, I do understand how it happened in this case.

It's perfectly normal, and if you aren't checking younger teens' phones, you aren't parenting them properly.

I couldn't agree more.
Maybe just try to initiate a conversation about her friendship group and see where that goes?