To ask if this is normal for a teenager?

[Grumpbump]

I will start by saying I never had a very good relationship with my mum so I don’t really know what’s ‘normal’

I have a 13 year old daughter, I would say we are close, she tells me about boys friends difficult things and she expresses how she feels pretty well normally. Recently her attitude has been a bit of a problem but really we talk and I make it clear she can always talk to me no judgment.

I check her phone and I recently saw text messages to her best friend saying she can’t speak on the phone because I’m here. She also text saying it’s like my mum doesn’t understand me, I can never talk to her. Is this normal? She has her privacy, she sits on the phone to her friend in her room. Is this something I should speak to her, I feel quite sad she feels like she can’t talk to me

Its a requirement of being a teenager that she has to have angst; real or imaginary. If she hasn't got any she has to make some up just to fit in.

Sadly those who groom are very sophisticated. They take any opportunity for a young person to do something slightly against the rules, then make it a secret between the two of them. And it starts from there. The secrets become bigger, the young person either believes that the one grooming is the only one who understands them, or are blackmailed into silence.

Agree 100%

My daughters phone is monitored, and I have also checked messaged from friends. It's good to know what head space they are in.

Op I wouldn't worry, but if you are try and engage in some more convos slightly off topic. Maybe an exercise that leads to talking but not the direct activity.

Sounds like you're doing a great job

IKR? Strange how some posters so badly want to persuade parents on a parenting forum not to monitor phone usage

Online safety training should be done for children and parents through school.

I’m sure only a tiny % of parents are aware of geolocation tags in pictures etc.

And most don’t monitor anything, I know from friends and family.

People here are more aware than most.

when my daughter will be at that stage I’ll make sure to talk to the school and the parents of her friends to organise such a training. Paid by parents if need be. We all should be doing that instead of waiting for the state or the schools to do something, or just thinking of our kids (nevermind our kids are not in a vacuum, more awareness among their friends means more safety for them too), it will take a lot of more children getting hurt before anything comes from the state, if.

if some parents start doing that, more will follow and that could put pressure on the school system too.

We do teach online safety for children at school. It's in the curriculum abd is essential.

We can offer online safety sessions for parents but can't insist they come.

Being aware of online safety should be part of every day parenting from the minute your child is using computers, the internet. Technology, etc. it should be apart of every parents responsibility.

I agree it is normal I certainly wouldn’t tell my mum everything I felt and got up to. You are right to check her phone my child is 11 and she knows I have password and can make random checks, you need to know they aren’t talking to weirdos and being bullied ect doesn’t mean parents are spying on their kids just trying to keep them safe. Sounds like you have good relationship so just let reiterate if she’s worried about anything she can speak to you.