Housemate wearing outdoor shoes inside - AIBU?

[FourForYouGlenCocoYouGoGlenCoco]

My housemate has started wearing their outdoor shoes inside our house, which I find quite gross and off putting. They’ve only just started doing this - it’s never been an issue before.

I asked them politely to stop doing it but they either get passive agressive towards me, and ask me why I seem to be ‘holding a lot of anger’ towards them, or they just say nothing and keep their shoes on. They’ll also test their feet on the coffee table in the living room, which I find really horrible.

I’m getting pretty pissed off at them, as I don’t really want them to tread all the stuff on their shoes into the carpets etc, and I’m really baffled at why they’re doing it too. I also think it shows disrespect towards all their housemates (there’s a few others in our house too).

We’re all professionals in our twenties, and housemate is NT etc and knows basic social norms!!

I have a feeling they’re doing it as a bit of a ‘power play’ because our main housemate, who also owns the house is away, so they can basically be as slovenly as they like and do whatever they want while housemate is away. I just find it really horrible and it makes no sense to me why they would do this.

AIBU to feel disgusted, and can I ask for tips on how to handle this with them?

Well the only place I've seen a cockroach is at a swimming pool, you know the same place people catch verrucas from other people's bare feet.

I despair at some people's hygiene standards...

So do I, but in a different way to you!!! Honestly, those of us who have spent decades living in houses where people wear their shoes indoors have suffered no ill effects. I despair far more at these people who think the mere hint of some sort of germ means we are all doomed!! My flat is a home, not a show place, and I want myself and others to feel comfortable in it. The OTT hygiene habits of many on MN are actually a bit of worry.

Completely agree @onlythreenow

Incidentally, I live in a country where people - shock, horror, - actually go outside with bare feet in the summer, and then go inside without sterilising their feet!!!

I mop and hoover very regularly...? Generally I will wear slippers or socks but I wouldn't think twice about wearing my shoes unless I know I've stepped in muck or something nasty or its been wet outside. I'd actually be more ok with a housemate wearing shoes than just in bare feet. Perhaps they feel like their feet smell and they would be embarrassed not to wear shoes. The resting shoes on the table would be a line for me though that's pretty grim. What I will say having shared many houses with different people is that noone gets to really dictate and if you try to you will probably get a backlash or the other person will double down which sounds like what's happening here. You all need to agree basic boundaries in the house that everyone agrees to live by but you also need to be reasonable and respect that people live differently and have different standards and if they pay rent on time then it's just as much their house as yours and they also have a right to live in a way they feel comfortable with in their own home. So you maybe need to step back a bit and pick your battles. If it seriously bothers you, ask for a house meeting and ask to make a house agreement that everyone can contribute to and everyone must agree on. But you can't dictate what goes into it just because x annoys you, it needs to be a majority consensus. I used to live with a girl who refused to let us turn the heating on. The heating that I paid my share of. We all ended up moving out early because we were sick of her controlling how we lived, constantly complaining and she had to find new tenants.

What does NT mean?

I think it’s so rude not offer to take your shoes off in other peoples houses . We never wear shoes inside . Absolute yak

It's a rule in my house. Shoes off at the door and I don't care if I'm classed as rude. My house, my rules. I always offer to take my shoes off when I visit people too. I don't want spit, pish and shite trailed through my house, if pavements were clean then I'd maybe change my mind but they're filthy.

It is disgusting, you are not being precious at all. If you went into their room to monitor how they use their private space, that's a different story. In a shared house where it's the norm that everyone has shoes off, it is unreasonable for your housemate to wear their shoes. So unhygienic. Spit, vomit, dog poo/wee, human wee, all on your carpet- gross.

Outside shoes must be taken off at the door especially if you don't live alone. It's very disrespectful of your communal home.

Yanbu, I wouldn't like it either OP.
We have a shoes off rule in our house.

There are no ‘’outdoor shoes” or “indoor shoes”. Just shoes. OP, you are being super-precious and way too invested in a thing that doesn’t matter and isn’t your problem. Unclench a bit.

You only get to make the rules for YOUR home.

Germs are everywhere, not just floors. The dirtiest parts of a house include door handles, light switches, chopping boards, toothbrushes, computer keyboards and kitchen counters.

Yes, most of the time I do.

It seems that the owner made such a rule for her house, maybe less formally, but it was clearly followed when she was around.

The housemate is pretty disrespectful to home of others now

@ZiriForEver

what?????

I never said otherwise. My comment was to the poster I quoted, who was dictating to everyone what house rules should be.

Outdoor shoe wearer inside here! Cockroaches aren't really a huge problem here in the UK mainly because of our climate. However Cockroaches are a problem in many countries where outdoor shoe wearing inside is highly abnormal and not common practice at all. I didn't really mind the cockroaches in those places anyway

Where the hell do you walk?
Personally I just wear my outdoor shoes in my house. Couldn't give a fig. I clean my house. If they're muddy, it's been raining etc then I'll take them off to avoid staining the carpets but other than that it's fine. Outdoors isn't one big ebola infested path.

Op you would know it if anyone stepped in dogs muck believe me.

I can't understand these hard and fast shoes off rule's.

It's their home also? They pay equally?

I think the best way forward is to either photograph and evidence any actual dirt/ send to LL or .../and start to relax abortion shoes and carpet

@FistFullOfRegrets ok, I somehow mixed it with others saying it is "her home too" (and suggesting the house mate can decide for herself... which just doesn't work, similarly to having a nice lake where the sewers are allowed to end only in one half).

Seems that shoe policies should be part of shared house rules.