Housemate wearing outdoor shoes inside - AIBU?

[FourForYouGlenCocoYouGoGlenCoco]

My housemate has started wearing their outdoor shoes inside our house, which I find quite gross and off putting. They’ve only just started doing this - it’s never been an issue before.

I asked them politely to stop doing it but they either get passive agressive towards me, and ask me why I seem to be ‘holding a lot of anger’ towards them, or they just say nothing and keep their shoes on. They’ll also test their feet on the coffee table in the living room, which I find really horrible.

I’m getting pretty pissed off at them, as I don’t really want them to tread all the stuff on their shoes into the carpets etc, and I’m really baffled at why they’re doing it too. I also think it shows disrespect towards all their housemates (there’s a few others in our house too).

We’re all professionals in our twenties, and housemate is NT etc and knows basic social norms!!

I have a feeling they’re doing it as a bit of a ‘power play’ because our main housemate, who also owns the house is away, so they can basically be as slovenly as they like and do whatever they want while housemate is away. I just find it really horrible and it makes no sense to me why they would do this.

AIBU to feel disgusted, and can I ask for tips on how to handle this with them?

Do you all wear outdoor shoes inside?
Yes, most of the time. Sometimes we change into slippers for comfort. Have no problem with visitors coming in with shoes on and would never ask them to remove them. Don't want anyone's sweaty, smelly feet near me, would rather they kept their shoes firmly on!

Do you not get frustrated at having dirty carpets
I have wooden floors and this really great invention called a doormat so you can wipe your feet before you come in!

It's extremely rude to ask guests to take their shoes off
Agreed. Rude, unwelcoming and just makes you feel really uncomfortable in their home. Thankfully, ime it's very rare anyone asks

It's not a visitor. They live there

I am in and out of my house multiple times a day, changing my shoes every time would be completely impractical. I wipe them when I come I if it's wet outside, otherwise I just crack on. I happily rest my feet on the coffee table or a stool too.

My three cats sadly haven't got the hang of wiping their feet when they come in, but on the plus side, none of us have died of it yet!

All my family and some friends remove their shoes. So you're not necessarily right.

What about fungal nail infections, verrucas and athletes foot from bare feet wandering around? More likely to cause a problem than miniscule dirt particles.

If you 'listened' you would understand and not be pissed off. Instead of playing games ....just be honest.... with your housemate and answer the question they asked you............why are you holding a lot of anger towards your housemate?

I don't know where you're walking, but our shoes don't have visible dirt on the bottoms which we then trek into the house. Certainly not dog poo! Minute particles of dirt maybe, but obviously we vacuum carpets and mop other floors regularly. Personally, I'd rather people keep their shoes on so I don't have to smell their feet or see their festy feet. Putting feet on the coffee table is an absolute no, but for the rest of it I think you have a difference of opinion about the issue, and if neither of you can explain your position clearly so as to change the other's POV then you're at an impasse.

I get really cold feet and would hate to be asked to remove my shoes in someone’s house, even in summer. I actually don’t think it’s ever happened!

Also bare feet are far more disgusting than wiped shoes that have just walked on the pavement a bit. IMO

I hate seeing babies crawling on a floor in a house where people wear their shoes inside

babies crawl on floors where people have shoes on all the time - playgroups, baby sensory etc. it’s not actually good for babies and their immune systems to be prevented from being exposed to germs.

I think as a general rule, you shouldn't make such a fuss about shoes. It's going to come off as annoying. I really doubt they can be that dirty unless they have been out hiking

Outdoor shoes do not belong indoors. I feel your pain at this!

I agree with you about this. I hate outside shoes inside. I prefer guests to take their shoes off - although whether I ask depends on the situation.

I am over 60 and I must have been 50 before I ever heard of taking shoes off in the house. Just not a thing. It really does divide people and whilst I will be frowned upon I think it is a class thing.

I think babies can be exposed to germs other ways. There is a huge amount of dog dirt on streets where I live - don't want near my baby.

I go to one baby class where everyone takes their shoes off and wish everywhere was like that. In other countries shoes off is the norm.

You are being neurotic. I take off my shoes most but not all of the time. We have wooden floors downstairs. I don’t wear shoes upstairs. It’s not disgusting though.

get your own flat if you want to dictate that everyone take off their shoes inside. It's their home as much as it is yours.

All the people I know who wear shoes inside are as healthy as anyone else. If it was 'unhygienic' to any significant extent, shoe wearers would be ill more. But they are not.

We generally take our shoes off at home. I don’t like it when dh comes in with his shoes but I don’t impose it on adult guests tbh. Dd especially is expected to as she tends to bomb upstairs and we have a no shoes on the carpet rule so she tells her friends to do so too. I don’t even wear downstairs slippers on the carpet, just on hard floors. The dogs didn’t get the memo though.

The issue here isn't really whether to wear shoes inside or not. It's that they had this rule which was enforced while the owner was around and now this bloke is ignoring it. It feels like he's being a bit provocative by putting his feet on the table and is showing he is in charge.

When is the owner back?

Apart from this specific situation, I'm amazed how many people take shoes off and expect guests to. We have always said no outdoor shoes upstairs where we have carpet but downstairs where it's all wood people can wear shoes. We don't eat off the floor.

Are you in the UK, OP?

I used to live in England and it is quite common for people there to wear outdoor shoes inside the house. Many people don't see a problem with it. I've not really been anywhere else in the world that this was acceptable, and I do find it quite grating when I am there. However, I accepted it as a cultural norm when in shared spaces.

If I went to visit someone and they asked me to remove my shoes, I'd tell them 'that's ok, I won't come inside'. It takes me ages to take my shoes on and off. I have joint replacements, spine issues, arthritis etc. I don't want to come in your house that bad, thank you.

I'm siting here in my clean house, wearing my fucking boots that I just stomped around outside in. I have four big dogs all over the carpet and furniture and we are happy as hell. Sometimes I've been known to lie on the lawn - which birds have walked on and probably pooed!

I’m from the UK. No outdoor shoes in our home. I was brought up this way. I do think it is a cultural thing though. We obviously do not eat our food off the floors, but we sometimes sit and lie on the floor. Young children crawl, shuffle and play on the floor. You’re not precious. It’s unhygienic. Shoes off as soon as we enter the house, including work men. Never had a problem enforcing this. Visitors see shoes near the front door and realise that they need to remove their shoes. I also offer plastic shoe covers to workmen.

YABU. You aren’t ‘right’, you just have a different way of doing things. In my house we wear whatever we feel like inside - outdoor shoes, slippers, bare feet. I find it the height of rudeness when people ask visitors to remove their shoes. My 87 yr old mum was asked to remove her shoes at a cousin’s house which resulted in her walking on new slippery floorboards in stockinged feet - so dangerous!

My partner does this and it really winds me up. All the dirt and crap on the floor outside is then on the floor in the house. I honestly don't understand why anyone would wear shoes inside the house that they've worn outside.